shadowcesar

The first time Carla crossed her legs in the back seat, I knew those drives were going to complicate my life far more than I ever imagined.

The theater was almost empty when she chose the seat one place away. She wasn’t watching the screen—she was watching me, and wanted me to notice.

At fifty-five I thought desire was a thing of the past, until my daughter’s husband looked at me the way mine had long forgotten how.

I’d spent the whole day not feeling like doing anything. Until, when I switched on the boiler, I saw the woman in the building across from mine walking nearly naked through her kitchen, oblivious to my gaze.

I told him everything would be upfront. He smiled, transferred half, and met me in an apartment where no one would ask questions. I went up ready to collect every minute.

He asked me to hold some tools while squatting down. I knew perfectly well what he was doing, and still I didn’t get up.

It was after eleven, everyone was asleep, and the rain was falling hard. I thought I’d just go get wet in the patio for a while. I had no idea how far I was going to dare to go that night.

When Sara came out of Don Aurelio’s winery her legs were shaking and she wouldn’t look me in the eye. I knew exactly what had just happened inside.

I went down to the living room half asleep and found her on the floor, in leggings, following a video. Then she turned her head, smiled, and asked if I wanted to join her.

We had spent three years living by one rule between partners. That cold night, in her green dress and the dark office, we knew we were about to break it.

The first time I aimed my sons’ old telescope toward the window across the street, I knew I had become something my husband would never imagine.