I Agreed to Go to That Party and Discovered My Submissive Side

All of us in the group knew Bruna was different. While the rest of us went around with fears and embarrassments, she moved through the world as if nothing could touch her. Repeater, lousy student, brazen, a smoker of whatever she could get her hands on, desired by half the campus. People said she had never said no to anything, and that in bed she could drive anyone crazy.

To many of us she was a kind of forbidden role model. Me included. We had just started university, already feeling like adult women and not the little girls from school, and that first summer of freedom had given us a chance to really get to know one another.

Bruna was a year older than me, but going out with her still felt like a calculated risk. And yet I was becoming her best friend, almost her confidante. Listening to her adventures turned me on, knowing how she enjoyed herself and how she made others enjoy themselves too. Sometimes she’d come on to me, half-joking, half-serious, so we could be more than friends. I was afraid of going all the way into her game, even though more than once I surprised myself getting wet just from hearing her talk.

That summer she invited me to the coast for a few days with her and her mother, a woman so open-minded it was dizzying. It was only nine days, but they were enough to change me. I learned not to be ashamed of my body, to want without asking permission, to understand that pleasure was also a form of power. I came back different, and Bruna and I sealed a trust that went far beyond friendship.

Classes started and we went out together everywhere: clubs, parties, long nights soaked in alcohol. We proved we were the boldest ones in our circle. But after a certain point, Bruna started disappearing some weekends “for private things” she would never spill a word about. Until one Friday afternoon she told me.

***

When we left class she took my hand and dragged me, almost running, to a small park nearby. We sat on an isolated bench and she pulled two of her famous joints from a little case. We lit them and, staring straight at me, she said:

—Marina, tomorrow I’ve got something arranged. A private party for several hours. I need a girl who’s up for it, and I want you to come. They might ask something of us, and I only feel like doing that with you. No campus boys: real men, adults. There’ll be drinks, there’ll be everything, and they pay us.

—Look, Bruna —I said, trying to get my head straight—. You know I’m already fed up with guys our age; I like older men. But a party like that, with strangers, and with the little experience I have with these things… it scares me. I wouldn’t mind being with a mature man with experience, even being the lover of someone who knows what he’s doing. But slowly. Besides, who’s organizing this? Because it smells to me like somebody’s making money off us.

Bruna wasn’t just brazen: she knew exactly which buttons to push. While I was talking, her hand slid under my skirt with complete shamelessness, not caring where we were. It moved up slowly and began to rub me over my underwear. She did it so well that the idea of being definitively hers ran through me again from head to toe.

—You don’t know anything yet and you’re already shrinking back —she whispered—. It’ll be four girls and four or five men. It’s one of their birthdays, a contact who knows I’m into this kind of thing. And yes, they pay, they pay very well. Are you really going to tell me no?

I should have stood up and walked away right then.

—Come just this once —she insisted, still moving between my legs—. If you don’t like it, you don’t come back, and that’s that. But if you do like it, you’ll be stepping up to another league. No more four euros they give you at home. Or do you plan to get through university with not a penny for anything?

Almost without realizing it, with her fingers and a few words, she took me to the edge in a matter of minutes. The thrill of being like that in a park, visible to anyone, finished the job of pushing me over. I don’t know whether I couldn’t control myself or whether deep down I wanted to lose control. My arm went around her neck, our mouths crushed together, and as we kissed with a new kind of desperation, two of her fingers slid all the way in. I lost track of time. When the orgasm hit me, my mind had already said yes.

It took us a while to separate. We agreed to meet the next day at her place: she would explain the details, lend me clothes, and we’d go out together. Months earlier I would have refused flat out. But that summer had changed me more than I myself wanted to admit.

***

When we left her house at dusk, we looked like different people. Light, impossibly low-cut tops, denim skirts so short and tight they barely covered anything, no underwear, high heels I could hardly manage. Overdone makeup, deliberately so. Her mother had chosen every item with a complicit smile. I carried a bag with my real clothes to change back into at home.

A car picked us up near her building and took us to a modern part of the city I didn’t know. We went down in a garage and, as soon as we came out, a tall woman approached us, surgically enhanced, made up down to the last millimeter, perched on impossible heels. She offered us two glasses of cava.

—Bruna and Marina? Call me Renata. I’ll be looking after you tonight —she said, then lowered her voice—. Have a drink, relax. These men are tireless, so enjoy yourselves at your own pace.

That no longer sounded like anybody’s birthday party. An elevator took us down to a soundproof basement, luxurious, enormous. A spacious lounge with black leather sofas and several doors leading to bedrooms. Renata poured us more cava at a side table, and just then the first men came in accompanied by two other girls our age, already very uninhibited.

The men were pushing sixty. Big, strong, intimidating. I was terrified. Those bodies, the table loaded with strong drink, the whole atmosphere. I wanted to wake up and find out it was all a strange dream. And yet something about that place was pulling me in.

—Come on, girls —Renata called out, putting on music—. Drink whatever you want, smoke whatever you want, your mothers aren’t here. You came to have a good time. The two new ones, strip and leave your clothes and your phones in that cabinet. No one’s going to touch them.

With the little we were wearing, that was easy enough. The welcome cava had left a strange heat in my body, a kind of uninhibitedness I didn’t recognize as mine. Bruna, beside me, was no longer hot: she was burning. They brought us red high-heeled shoes with very thin heels and, since we could walk well in them, we kept them on.

Not really knowing why, the two of us began to want it for real. A dense, almost animal need to be taken without limits. I, who had always been the cautious one, felt for the first time the impulse to turn myself into an object and hand over everything.

***

We moved closer to the group. Two of them stepped forward, embraced us, and kissed us with tongue, intense, in control of the situation. They gently pushed us down to the floor, to our knees, and offered us what they wanted. We did what was expected of us, and when we were done we stood up wrapped around them, smiling.

Renata came over with two thick bundles of bills and put one in each of our hands.

—So there’s no misunderstanding —she said—. You’re of age and you agreed. Everything is clear.

We gave her a long kiss and put the money away with our things. They were paying us like professionals, and neither of us said it out loud.

Two waitresses, also naked, filled the long table with food and strong drink. Three more men came in, just as imposing as the first ones. Renata looked at the four of us.

—Aren’t you in the mood? They paid you well enough to be. Try this vodka, it’s ice-cold and delicious.

It was delicious, yes. We drank it down to the bottom, not suspecting that every glass was pushing us a little farther away from who we had been when we walked in.

The girl from the two who had arrived earlier lay one of them down on a sofa and climbed on top of him without shame. Bruna went straight for a blond older man. I, who had never been with a man like that colossus with broad shoulders watching me from the back, went over to him. He smiled, took my hand, and led me to one of the bedrooms, a huge room with an enormous bed.

He laid me on my back and spread my legs. When I saw what was coming, I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. Despite everything I had drunk, my body tensed by instinct.

The first thrust was truly painful. No one had ever touched me like that. But, strangely, while he drove into me without mercy, my desire grew faster than the pain. A strange heat flooded me. I started moving my hips, searching for the angle, fitting myself to him. A silent orgasm made everything easier, and then pleasure and pain mixed until they became the same thing.

And that was when I understood it. That stabbing pain, the kind that sank into my head, awakened in me the urgent need to surrender completely, to obey without caring about suffering. I understood that this kind of pain attracted me in a way I had never suspected. And I started to enjoy it.

I saw him as something more than a man: a master, an owner. I raised my arms, held his head, and kissed him with a passion I hadn’t known was inside me. He answered with more force, and my whole body moved to his will. Something irrational asked me to give in without fear, without limits. My submissive side, dormant for years, exploded. I came several times before he did.

***

I was left wrecked, sweaty, exhausted. He lay down beside me and stroked me with unexpected tenderness, slowly fingering me while he kissed me, until he made me come again. At that moment I would not have refused anything.

A shadow approached. It was Renata, smiling.

—So, how’s the new one? Are we going to be able to handle her however we like? —she asked without shame.

—Very good —he answered—. Barely used, incredibly tight, but eager to please. She’s come with me several times and, look at her, she still wants more. There’s a brutal appetite inside her that’s starting to come out.

—You’re right —said Renata, caressing my face—. This one, if she’s guided properly, is going to be a lot of fun. Something between submissive and masochistic is beginning to show. Tonight we need to take her to the limit to see how far she can take it.

She kissed me warmly and I kissed her back, lost. She helped me turn over. Suddenly, a brutal slap cut across my body and I screamed. Then another. And another. Renata held my face, not letting me get away, while she spoke in my ear.

—Don’t worry, my girl, cry as much as you want. This is only the beginning. You’re pretty, smart, you really like sex. We’re going to teach you to lose that fear, to enjoy your body without limits. At your age, that’s worth a lot.

The blows stopped all at once and silence fell. With his help Renata sat me up, put my heels on me, and led me toward the lounge. As we passed the adjoining room I saw Bruna. She wasn’t crying; she was gasping, urging her partner to go harder. Renata was right: my friend was ahead of me.

—See? —she said, smiling—. She’s enjoying it. You two are going to be so good. Come on now, you’ve earned a breather. This is going to be your first truly wild night.

By then I was so far away from myself that nothing she said frightened me. If Bruna could do it, so could I. I accepted one more drink, still aching, and sank into an armchair.

I didn’t get much rest. One of the older men, a huge, potbellied bear, came for me and we went back to the same room, now cleaned up. This time he wanted something new, and I didn’t resist.

I climbed onto the bed myself and placed a cushion under my stomach. Renata prepared me with a cream, worked her fingers into me until I relaxed, and to my surprise it hardly hurt. I smiled, thinking it would all be easy. Then she said to the man:

—She’s yours now. Take your time. You know what to do. I like this girl; she reminds me of myself when I was starting out.

But as soon as I felt him begin to work his way in, I stopped smiling.

***