The Friend I Always Desired Wanted Me to Humiliate Her

In life, good times are scarce. They fall behind us along with youth and give way to the monotony of work and the background noise of identical days. Even so, there is always one worth remembering, and one of mine bears the name of a woman I took twelve years to touch.

Her name was Hailey. She was American, but she lived in Spain because of her father’s job. I met her by chance: a good friend of mine started seeing her, and although I had never seen her before, I liked her from the very first minute. She was one of those people who seem to have stepped out of a screen. Blue eyes, blonde hair, impossible skin, and a smile that sent my pulse racing without her even doing anything. In the village, there wasn’t a guy who didn’t look at her twice.

That was at the end of the nineties. After a couple of years, she broke up with my friend and went back to the United States. I thought I would never see her again. Around the same time, I also split up with the girl I was with then — a good girl, to be fair — but Hailey’s departure buried whatever fantasy I might have made for myself about her.

Life went on. I dated other women until I got into a relationship that was more serious than was good for me. One of those things one should never do.

Before I knew it, twelve years had passed. And one day, without warning, I received a friend request on a social network, like so many others. I glanced at it: a pretty girl, probably a fake profile. The name caught my attention because I had always liked it, and by coincidence it was hers. It didn’t take me long to realize it was really her. I had never quite forgotten her.

We started talking. And events unfolded more or less as anyone would imagine: in the end, I met up with her. Yes, I was living with someone else at the time, and I’m not proud of that. Every time we arranged to see each other, I told my partner I was going out with a friend. In a way, that was almost true: Hailey and I were friends. The only difference was the tension between us, a current you could cut with a knife and that never, ever failed.

***

My relationship at the time turned into hell. It had nothing to do with Hailey, whom I saw very rarely because she lived in Levante and I lived in the south. It was simply that some people can’t be reasoned with. In the end, we broke up.

The strange thing is that exactly two weeks later I met Hailey, who had come to visit one of her brothers. I was so off balance with my own problems that nothing happened between us, and that, as she later confessed to me, she didn’t like at all. I had her within reach and I didn’t dare. I think I wasn’t ready to fail with her, of all people. I dropped her off at her house and left feeling as if I had lost something.

We kept talking on the phone. A month later, she suggested I go see her. She lived with her mother and one of her brothers, but they had a spare room for me. I liked the idea more than I wanted to admit, so I took two days off work and went to spend the weekend with her.

I left early and arrived at noon. It was better than I expected. We ate together, went for a walk, and as night fell we ended up near the sea. I told her I wanted to get closer to the shore, since I don’t often get to see the sea. Once there, under the only light of a full moon, I looked at her in silence.

“Can I kiss you?” I asked.

“Of course!” she replied, almost annoyed that I had taken so long to ask.

And there, without either of us knowing it yet, we opened a door we would no longer be able to close. We kissed like two teenagers, unhurriedly, for hours. I love kissing, and I gave her a thorough lesson in patience. I could hardly believe I had her in my arms after so many years of secretly wanting her. That weekend nothing else happened, and it was good that it didn’t.

***

I went home with the promise that she would soon come to visit another of her brothers, who lived in a town near mine.

“Save yourself,” she told me when we said goodbye.

I didn’t fully understand her at the time.

A week of daily calls passed, and the next week she came. I didn’t waste any time. We spent the afternoon together and, as the night went on, her attitude grew hotter and hotter. In the bar where we were, the waitress at the back of the counter noticed how we were devouring each other with kisses. Hailey was already stroking me over my trousers without even trying to hide it. I had to put a stop to it quickly.

“Let’s go to my place, now,” I told her.

“Let’s go.”

I drove slowly, because there wasn’t a drop of blood in my head. I got her into the house without even offering her a coffee. We went straight to the bedroom, like two animals in heat. She was surprised to see that I had taken the mattress off the bed frame and put it on the floor. I didn’t explain; she would understand soon enough.

We started touching each other standing up, still dressed, kissing furiously. I lifted her shirt and unclasped her bra on the first try. There they were at last, her breasts: big, white, with hard nipples. I took her to the mattress and devoted myself to them for a good while, until she pulled me toward her.

“Let’s take all our clothes off,” she murmured.

I went to get a condom I had already prepared. When I turned around, I found her on her knees, staring at me, beckoning me with a movement of her hands. I went over. Hailey wanted to suck me off, and she did it slowly, looking at me with those blue eyes, freshly made up, smelling in a way that drove me insane.

“You’re beautiful,” I told her, my voice breaking.

But I didn’t want it to end like that. I needed to truly make her mine.

I put on the condom and she lay down, open, waiting. I got on my knees and went in slowly. There is nothing like the feeling of a new body, of noticing how it adapts to you little by little while she moans. I started gently, holding her, kissing her neck, my face pressed against hers. I was moaning too. I was sleeping with the woman I had wanted for half my life, and we were both releasing years of tension all at once.

We didn’t last long. When she started moaning differently, I knew she was coming, and that pushed me to the edge. I leaned toward her ear and started saying things to her. I can barely remember any of them, because by then I was no longer in my right mind, but I do remember one:

“I’m going to come all over your face.”

I said it without thinking. She, on the other hand, remembered it. She silently took note of everything that turned me on. I came inside the condom and stayed on top of her, trying to catch my breath. From that night on, we never stopped.

***

What we had was intermittent. She came, or I went to her, and those short gaps — sometimes just a week — made us want each other like crazy. Our phone conversations became more and more explicit. When we got together, all I wanted was to have her, devour her, take her inside me.

One of those weeks we couldn’t see each other, and after five days we were at the breaking point. Hailey told me she was going to prepare something special for me, and that she didn’t want me to touch her until then.

“Save it all for me,” she asked over the phone. “Dress up nicely too.”

“All right,” was the only thing I managed to say.

I don’t know how I held out until Friday. I went to pick her up to go out with some friends and, when she showed up, I was left speechless. She was stunning. She had the elegance of a woman in her thirties, without too much makeup: just red lips, defined lashes, loose blonde hair. I wasn’t able to pay attention to anyone else that night. I only looked at her, and she looked at me, perfectly aware of what was waiting for me. Before long we decided, without even discussing it: home.

We arrived at the bedroom, with the mattress once again on the floor. She took her clothes off from the waist up while I wrestled with my shirt. She helped me strip off the rest almost violently, shoved me onto the bed, and started sucking me with a tenderness that contrasted with the desire we were both carrying.

I wanted to try everything I had thought about during that week of abstinence. I asked her for something I had seen and had become obsessed with. She, who usually looked at the same pages I did, immediately knew what I meant and nodded, obedient, willing to please me in anything I asked.

In the middle of it I noticed her stop. She rummaged through her bag and went back to it. I could hardly stand the anticipation. I wanted more, so I stopped her.

“Let’s finish undressing,” I told her. “I want to eat you.”

She obeyed without a word. I laid her down, spread her legs, and started.

“Don’t make me come yet,” she panted. “I want to come with you inside me.”

“Perfect.”

I stayed there with my tongue until she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Fuck me already.”

I didn’t hesitate. I had the condom on and the hardness of a man who had been waiting for days. I went in all the way, and it only took a minute for her to start moaning uncontrollably.

“Come on my face!” she shouted.

I couldn’t believe it. She had planned it all from the start. I got myself worked up as hell, waited a few seconds — she was still coming and I didn’t want to ruin it for her — and enjoyed the moment without rushing.

At last I pulled out and took off the condom. I wasn’t quite sure how to position myself, so I moved to one side of her face, so everything would fall diagonally across it. She was smiling under me.

“Am I pretty today?” she asked, teasing me.

“You’re gorgeous,” I told her, stroking myself very close to her. “I love your eyes.”

I didn’t hurry. I wanted to look at her like that, surrendered, while I stroked myself a hand’s breadth from her skin. But she was impatient.

“I’ve been getting ready for an hour! Aren’t you going to come now?” she protested.

That was her undoing. Right then I let go. The first burst crossed her face and tangled in her eyelashes. I came again over her eyebrows, unable to believe what I was seeing. She smiled and tried to say something, but she fell silent every time I kept going. Aiming carefully, I managed to hit her where I wanted as well. The storm ended with her face covered in me.

I sat on the floor, almost dizzy, staring at what I had done. She remained still, silent, while everything slowly slid down her cheeks.

“What a way to come,” she said at last. “That’s how I like men. I like them to humiliate me.”

I went over and looked at her. We were so deep into it by then that I dipped my finger into what she had beside her nose and spread it over her skin, slowly, almost tenderly. She tried to open her eyes, but they were sealed shut. When she managed it, her blue eyes met mine through her lashes, with mascara streaked down her cheek. We looked at each other, believe me, with something very much like affection.

She cleaned herself just enough to see. We held each other and fell asleep. The next morning there was no trace of the night; her skin seemed to have absorbed it all. Once I had recovered, I had her again, this time in a quieter, more normal way.

***

In the months we were together, we never knew how to meet without ending up tangled together. And she liked it as much as I did. We made a good pair in that respect: we were both creative, daring, shameless with each other. Unfortunately, it eventually became clear that we didn’t want the same things in life, and little by little we drifted apart.

But I promise you this: no matter how much time passes, I will never forget Hailey.