Four Confessions After the Games of Desire

The daze, the stabbing pain in my neck, my irritated eyes, and that strange sensation in my teeth were the first things I felt when I woke up. A new day, no more orders, no more games. The nightmare was over, but the worst part remained: explaining to everyone what they had forced me to do, when I myself could not believe something like that had been real.

—You’re awake —Diego said as soon as I opened my eyes.

A doctor came in to ask what I remembered while a nurse checked my vitals. I couldn’t stop looking at Diego, calculating how much time we would have left together after they handed me over to all those men while he was with the woman they put in charge of watching me.

In the tests they had detected at least nine different kinds of DNA. The doctor said it in front of him, without holding back, and suggested I get tested every three months. I barely listened. I only kept thinking about whether it was over between us.

—Forgive me —Diego murmured when they left us alone, his gaze fixed on the floor—. I shouldn’t have left you alone, I shouldn’t have drunk, I don’t know what happened. This was all my fault.

—What happened with your brother? Where is Selene? —I asked, still not brave enough to tell him the truth.

—Your cousin disappeared as soon as we finished… —he stopped, and that pause said everything—. I don’t know where she went. When I came back, I found you like this.

He didn’t answer when I asked what had happened between Selene and him. It wasn’t necessary. And even though I knew nothing from that night had been genuine, ever since I had had Diego’s brother inside me I understood something: I would never look at him the same way again. Before, it had only been him and me. Afterward, he had been with someone else, fucking her without restraint, and I had had his brother’s cock all the way to the back of my cunt, his friends’ cocks breaking my mouth and my ass, loads on me and inside me everywhere, and who knows how many more.

The silence in the room was unbearable. I couldn’t let our story end with him carrying a guilt that wasn’t his, so I told him everything: the attack, the room where they took me with other girls, the sensors in my eyes, the thing around my neck, who my supposed cousin really was. I made him understand that none of it had been his fault, that the fault belonged to the psychopaths who organized that monstrosity.

He checked my neck, my mouth, my teeth, and little by little he believed me. It didn’t matter. My parents arrived, thanked Diego for bringing me to the hospital, and he left the room. We never spoke again. We didn’t even have to say it out loud: we both assumed what we had was over the moment he walked through that door.

It took me years to allow myself another relationship. I relived those games hundreds of times in my dreams, until I met someone at work, a good man who loved me so much he helped me leave it all behind. With him I built a family and, at last, I was happy.

***

Waking up in my brother’s arms was strange, at least at first. I had a hard time believing that after everything that happened, things hadn’t ended so badly. What happened with the guy in the parking lot had been horrible, and finding out what Carla did with Bruno’s friend was horrible too. But waking up naked and wrapped around the guy I cared about so much didn’t look as bad as it could have been.

—Good morning, little sister —he whispered when he noticed I’d woken up.

I felt his cock waking too, hard against my hip, and I couldn’t help rubbing myself a little against it. Bruno let out a rough moan and slid a hand down my back to squeeze my ass, pulling me closer against his cock. He still had his semen inside me from the night before, and feeling it throbbing down there made my cunt wet immediately.

—Again, little brother —I asked in his ear, biting his earlobe—. Fuck me again, slowly, now that we’re alone and nobody’s forcing me.

He rolled on top of me, opened my legs with his knee, and his cock found the entrance to my soaked cunt all by itself. He drove into me in one deep stroke, and both of us moaned at once. I dug my nails into his shoulder blades as he started fucking me slowly, savoring every inch, pulling almost all the way out to shove himself back in until his pelvis hit my clit.

—Look at me —I asked him—. I want to see your eyes while you do it to me.

He opened them, dark and burning, and rammed into me harder. The bed creaked. I could feel his swollen cock brushing a spot inside me that made my legs shake. I grabbed his face and kissed him with my whole tongue deep in his mouth, swallowing his groans. When I reached down between us to touch my clit, he moved my fingers away and rubbed it himself with his thumb, never stopping his thrusts.

—Come on my cock —he whispered—. Come on, I want to feel you tighten around me.

I came with a choked cry against his neck, my cunt pulsing around his cock, and he kept fucking me for another long minute before groaning and unloading his hot cum deep inside me. We both stayed still, panting, with his semen trickling down my thighs.

I settled my body over his so I could look him in the eyes and, for the first time, told him everything: the games, how they captured me, the moment I woke up in the hospital. Bruno stayed very still, thoughtful and, suddenly, disappointed.

—So when we made love in my room, you didn’t want to? Did you do it because they forced you?

—No… well —I closed my eyes, searching for the words—. Yes, they forced me. But what I felt while you were fucking me was very real. I was surprised to feel something so intense with you, to realize that the cock I’d been looking for was always in the room next door.

Tell him already.

—I love you. Not just as my brother. I love you as a man, and I wish I had realized it sooner.

His lips silenced the rest. We stayed wrapped around each other for a long while, with his cock softening slowly inside my cunt, before getting dressed and going downstairs to the kitchen, where Mom and my father, Ricardo, were already waiting for us.

—I’d ask how you spent the night —he said without looking up from the newspaper—, but after the fourth time you woke us up, I think it became pretty clear.

I felt my face burn. Bruno, red as well, managed to ask whether it bothered them that he and I… Mom let out a laugh.

—Sweetheart, we’ve spent years waiting for you two to find the courage to say what you feel. We thought we were mistaken when he was about to get married, but yesterday we came in, heard you, and… well, you understand now.

We held hands under the table, happy not to have to hide. That same afternoon I filed a report and found out I wasn’t the only one who had come forward. Knowing there were other survivors was good for me. I never forgot what that bastard did to me in the parking lot, but being with Bruno was what finally let me stop carrying it.

***

—Hey, Tam, how’s everything going? —Iván said as he came into my room, and that little pinch in my stomach confirmed what I felt for him—. I ran into your mother. She said some really nasty things.

—I’m done with her. The money’s gone, but so are the lectures, the manipulation, and, above all, the stupid law lessons.

We both knew my mother was just an excuse to break the ice. Iván stayed quiet for a long while before working up the nerve.

—Tam, I’ve known you for a long time and I know yesterday’s girl wasn’t you. A change that drastic can only be explained by an alien abduction or something. Please, tell me what happened, because I’m going crazy.

He made me laugh, but it faded right away. I lowered my head and told him everything: the games, the captain, the men. I saw in his eyes that he believed me, especially when he noticed the marks that proved I hadn’t made it up.

—Iván, I… —I took a deep breath. This was harder than telling him the rest—. I’m in love with you. I didn’t know it. I know I was with other men yesterday, I know maybe I disgust you, but I want to try. I want to feel what we felt in the shower again. I want you to be mine and to be yours.

He came closer, took my hand, and stroked my cheek.

—I don’t care about any of yesterday. And I already knew about Damián, the asshole told me in the waiting room. The shower was amazing. But before we start I want to ask you something. —He paused, looking guilty—. Are you sure this isn’t because your mother stopped giving you money and you’ve got nowhere to sleep?

I stared at him, mouth open, before elbowing him in the stomach and laughing with him. Then I took his face in both hands and kissed him slowly, slipping my tongue all the way in until I felt his erection growing against my belly.

—I’m going to prove it to you right now —I whispered in his ear, pushing him back until he sat on the edge of the bed.

I knelt between his legs, opened his zipper, and pulled down his pants along with his boxer briefs. His cock sprang out hard and thick, already beaded at the tip. I took it in my hand, looked at it for a second like it was a gift, and took the whole thing into my mouth in one go. Iván let out a curse and buried his fingers in my hair.

—Fuck, Tam, not like that, I’m going to come right away.

But that was exactly what I wanted. I sucked his cock with real hunger, moving up and down, taking the tip hard, letting my lips fill with saliva. I flicked my tongue under the head and caressed his balls with my other hand. When I felt him throbbing against my palate, I sped up. He came with a rough groan and I swallowed every drop of his semen without letting go of his cock, looking him in the eyes while I did it.

—Come here —he panted, tugging my arm up.

He laid me on my back on the bed, tore off my pants and panties, and spread my legs with his hands. He knelt on the floor, gripped my thighs, and buried his face in my cunt. He licked me all the way, from bottom to top, long and slow, until he closed his lips around my clit and sucked it. I drove my heels into his back. When he slid two fingers in and curled them forward while still sucking my clit, my whole back arched off the bed.

—Don’t stop, don’t stop, Iván, like that, like that…

I came in his mouth screaming his name, my thighs trembling against his ears. He kept licking me slowly until I stopped shaking, and by then he was hard again. He climbed over me, grabbed one of my legs and put it over his shoulder, and shoved his cock into me with a thrust that knocked the air out of me.

—Fuck me —I begged—. Fuck me like you wanted to that day in the shower.

And he fucked me. He drove his cock into me with deep, noisy strokes, the bed slamming against the wall, his balls hitting my ass. He turned me face down, lifted my hips, and pushed back into me from behind, gripping my hair. I could feel every inch of his cock filling me, erasing the memory of the other men’s hands from my skin. I came a second time with my face smashed into the pillow, and he kept thrusting into me until he unloaded inside me with a roar that tore out of his throat.

We stayed wrapped around each other, sweaty, with his semen dripping inside my thigh. That same night he helped me move my things into his room. We spent years short on money, playing shows and giving lessons, stacking up part-time jobs, until some of our songs took off. Tours came, a little fame, and with that we opened a music school. My mother apologized much later, when my children were entering university. By then I had already understood there was nothing left to forgive.

***

The pain from what that bastard did to me was still there when I opened my eyes. Knowing he was dead didn’t ease it: having watched Mara kill him left a mark on me that would never fade.

I lay staring at the ceiling, too afraid to turn my head, convinced I would find that rapist’s corpse lying in the middle of my room in a pool of blood.

—Oh, my God! —Mom shouted from downstairs.

The shock jolted me up in bed. I looked around: my bedroom was exactly as I’d left it. Not a stain, not a trace that a murder had been committed there hours earlier. Then I remembered Mara’s last words before sedating me: “when you wake up it’ll look like nothing you saw happened.” Who were those people? How much power did they have to erase a crime scene as if it were just another room?

I went downstairs. I found Mom kneeling in the hallway, crying with a sheet of paper in her hand.

—He left! He abandoned me! —The man who lived with her, the same one who had cornered me against the refrigerator days earlier, had gone.

—He harassed me after you left —I began, not sure if she was listening—. He groped my tits, shoved his hand into my panties, and threatened to fuck me in the ass if I didn’t treat him better.

—You’re lying! —She got to her feet, staring at me with a rage I didn’t understand—. He’d never look at a bitch like you when he’s got me!

I smiled sadly. That woman had given up being my mother a long time ago. I didn’t push it. I went to the police, where more than one person laughed at me before I was helped by a woman who looked new. She took my statement patiently, brought me to the coroner, and in the end gave me a copy of the file with a promise to investigate. Years later that same woman became commander, and she was the only one who came close to catching the ones who did that to me and the other girls.

That afternoon I went to the park where Dad used to take us as little girls. Lucía was there, on a swing, staring off into nothing. I approached trembling, remembering how she had looked at me when she found the underwear in her boyfriend’s pocket.

—I need you to tell me why you did it, Renata —she said bluntly, crying—. Why you slept with him when he was just a few feet from me. I want to believe you had a reason, because I can’t stand the thought that my best friend betrayed me like that.

I handed her the copy of the report. She looked at me, not understanding.

—I would never have betrayed you if I’d had a choice. I’m so, so sorry for what I did.

She read the whole document, several times, for nearly an hour. When she was done she stood up to hug me and we cried for a long time without saying anything. After that she asked me dozens of questions about the games, the rules, everything, and letting it all out with the only person I trusted ended up helping me more than anything. I told her how they forced me to suck Sergio off in the hallway, how they made me spread my legs so he could fuck me without a condom and come inside me, how they planted the wet panties in her boyfriend’s pocket to frame me. Lucía listened to every detail without looking away, squeezing my hand every time my voice broke.

—So the memory Sergio has, is it the same as those images? —she asked.

—The same. He saw me with my legs open, letting strangers take me, with cocks in my mouth, my cunt, and my ass, cum all over my face. I suppose there won’t be any love story left when he sees what they did to me.

—You mean what those animals did to you. And we’re not giving up, you deserve your love story.

She took the phone and dialed, putting it on speaker when the practicum professor answered.

—Under no circumstances should you look at the memory Renata gave you! —Lucía shouted, so alarmed that people in the park turned to look.

—Lucía? Why are you…?

—If you open it, she will never forgive you and you two will never be together. Is that clear?

—Yes, yes, okay. But… do you know anything about her? Yesterday she left in really bad shape and I don’t want to think that I…

—She’s fine. And she’s madly in love with you —Lucía said with a wicked smile that made me blush furiously—. See you Monday, Sergio. I’ll give her two kisses from you.

She hung up and looked at me. We both knew there were still many wounds to heal, but also that together there was nothing we couldn’t achieve. Over the years we got married, had children, moved into neighboring houses. And though it sounds paradoxical, it was thanks to those cursed games that I found my way with Sergio and built the family that gave me a reason to stop suffering.