I Never Told What Happened the Second Night with Them

There are things you don’t tell even your best friend, unless that friend was the one who got you into the mess. That’s why I’m writing this here and nowhere else: because I need to get it out of me without anyone looking me in the face while I do. What happened that second night in Bruno’s apartment still wakes me up at three in the morning, and not always with shame.

A week earlier I had been there for the first time. I’m not going to go into every detail, but let’s just say I arrived curious and left different. Something had opened in me that I didn’t even know existed, a kind of hunger I hadn’t felt in the two years I was with Martín. With him everything was predictable, orderly, lukewarm. That first night with Bruno, Darío, and Iván was the opposite of lukewarm.

I spent the following days functioning at half capacity. I went to work, answered messages, smiled in meetings, but my mind kept drifting off on its own. All it took was closing my eyes a second too long for the weight of three bodies over mine to come back, hands in places no one had ever claimed me with such certainty. It scared me a little how easily I could go back there in my imagination.

Carla called me one Thursday night. I knew her from the gym, she was the one who had dragged me into all of this, the one who knew the guys from before and enjoyed pushing me right to the edge to see if I’d jump.

—Feel like doing it again? —she asked, in that voice she used when she already knew the answer—. They asked about you.

I felt the heat rise up my neck before I answered.

—Asked what exactly? —I said, pretending to be difficult.

—When you’re coming back. And this time they want to try something different with you. —She paused on purpose—. Both at once. You know what I’m saying?

I understood perfectly. And the worst, or the best, part was that I didn’t need to think about it. My body answered before my head did: a low throb, an involuntary clench, my legs pressing together under the kitchen table all by themselves.

—Send me the address —was all I said.

***

I got there a little after ten. I was wearing a short black dress I normally saved for occasions when I wanted to be looked at, and almost nothing underneath. As I went up in the elevator I saw myself reflected in the mirror and almost laughed from nerves: I looked like someone else, a version of myself just learning to exist.

Bruno opened the door. He’s the biggest of the three, broad-shouldered, with a composure that knocks you off balance. He looked me up and down without rushing, like someone confirming something he already knew.

—We knew you’d come —he said, stepping aside to let me in.

Inside, the lights were low like last time, just a lamp in one corner and nothing else. Darío and Iván were on the big sofa, barefoot, shirts open. Darío is the quiet one, the watcher; Iván is the one who talks all the time, the one who breaks the tension with a comment and then builds it back up right away. Carla was in a single armchair off to the side, a glass in her hand. She hadn’t come to take part. She’d come to watch, and we all knew it.

—Relax —she told me, reading my face—. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. But the way you walked in, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.

She was right. It wasn’t a problem.

Bruno handed me a glass and I drank it slowly, more to keep my hands busy than anything else. Iván stood up, moved behind me, and pushed my hair to one side to kiss my neck. It wasn’t rough. It was slow, patient, and that disarmed me more than any hurry would have. I felt his breath, then his lips, then the edge of his teeth, and a sound escaped me that I couldn’t control.

—That’s the idea —he murmured against my skin.

Darío came up from the front and took the glass from my hand without saying anything. He kissed me. Meanwhile Iván’s hands were sliding the straps of my dress down, and between the two of them they undressed me little by little, without rushing, as if they had the whole night. Which they did.

Bruno stayed there watching me with that patience of a large animal, waiting for me to finish undressing myself. I took off the dress and let it fall to the floor. Then the bra. Then the panties. The shame lasted as long as a spark takes to die once there’s too much gasoline. The three of them were looking at me as if my body were something they wanted to learn by heart, not simply use. And that difference turned me on more than anything else.

—Come here —Bruno said, voice low.

I went over. He took me by the waist, brought my mouth to his, and kissed me slowly, deeply, with a firm pressure that made me brace my hands on his shoulders so I wouldn’t tip backward. He smelled like clean skin and expensive liquor. I bit his lower lip just a little and heard him give a rough breath that made me proud.

Iván turned me around with a hand on my hip and pressed me back against his chest. I felt his hard erection against my ass and my legs went weak on the spot. Darío, in front of me, slid two fingers through my pussy, just parting my lips enough to see how wet I was. I had been for a while already; the moment he brushed me, my whole belly trembled.

—She’s soaking —he said, more to the others than to me.

—Then no need to rush —Bruno answered.

They led me into the bedroom almost without letting me think. Carla didn’t follow; she stayed at the living room door with her glass, smiling like she already knew the ending. The bedroom had the same low light, the bed rumpled, a chair with clothes thrown over it, a mirror leaning against the wall. They sat me on the edge and stood around me for one eternal second. That second made me feel devoured before I was even touched.

Bruno knelt in front of me and opened my legs with a firm hand on my thighs. He didn’t speak. He slipped two fingers between my wet lips, brought them to my clit, and started rubbing slowly, in short circles, while looking me in the face. I brushed my hair back so I wouldn’t lose sight of him. When he slid one finger inside, then another, and moved them in me with slow pressure, I knew that if he kept going like that I was going to break into pieces before anything had even really started.

—Like that —Iván said behind me, and buried his face in my neck while one of his hands grabbed a breast and squeezed it hard.

Darío, next to me, knelt down and took one of my tits in his mouth. His tongue hit the nipple full on, then his teeth, and my breathing went short, uneven. Bruno kept going with his fingers until he saw me arch my back and then he laughed under his breath, satisfied to see me so close to the edge.

—Don’t you go coming too fast on us —he told me—. We haven’t even started yet.

They threw me onto the bed carefully, but without asking. I ended up on my back, with Bruno between my legs, Darío on my right, and Iván on my left. I felt hands sliding over my ribs, over my stomach, over my open thighs. Iván put two fingers in my mouth and I sucked them without thinking, licking them like I wanted to prove I could give too, not just receive. He smiled with his face close to mine.

—That’s it —he told me—. Just like that I like it.

Bruno settled between my legs and rested the head of his cock at the wet entrance of my cunt. He didn’t go in right away. He rubbed himself slowly, testing, forcing me to feel every second of the wait. I was already gasping, moving my hips on their own, wanting him to fill me already. When he finally pushed in, he entered with a slow firmness that made me clench my teeth. He was big, heavy, and the feeling of opening for him left a warm tingle all over my body.

—That’s it —Bruno growled—. Just like that, pretty thing.

He started moving little by little, pulling out just enough and going back in, measuring me. Every thrust tore a moan from me. Darío took the chance to move behind me, grab my waist, and lift me slightly, just enough for Bruno to keep sliding in while he found my ass with the tip of his cock, pushing only a little, testing the entrance that was already burning hot from anticipation alone.

—Tell me if you want me to stop —Darío said in my ear, with a calm that disarmed me more than any brutality could.

—Don’t stop —I said, and it came out rougher than I expected.

Darío didn’t tear me open all at once. He kept widening me with patience, pushing a little, backing off, pushing again, while Bruno stayed buried in me from the front and pumped me with a rhythm that got firmer and firmer. The feeling of having both of them at once made me go white for a moment. I grabbed the sheets, then Bruno’s arm, then Darío’s thigh, not knowing where to hold on so I wouldn’t come apart completely.

Iván knelt beside my head and slid his cock into my mouth without ceremony, holding the back of my neck so I’d set the rhythm. I sucked him hard, taking him all the way to the back of my throat, while the other one opened me from behind and Bruno was driving deeper and deeper into me from the front. The room filled with wet sounds, gasps, flesh against flesh, broken breaths. I heard myself saying filthy things I didn’t know I had stored away.

—Harder —I begged, pressing myself against Bruno—. Don’t you dare let up.

And they didn’t.

Bruno grabbed my hips and started thrusting harder, making the bed shake. Darío, behind me, found a brutal rhythm that made me arch my back and moan so loudly I startled myself. Iván held my jaw with one hand and kept fucking my mouth, slow and hard, until my eyes filled with tears from the strain and the pleasure mixed together. I felt the orgasm coming like a huge, unstoppable wave, rising from my belly to my throat.

—Don’t come yet —Bruno said, seeing how tight I was getting.

—I can’t hold it —I answered, almost crying.

—Yes, you can —Darío said, driving in deeper—. Hold on a little longer.

They made me hold on. They kept me there, shaking, with my cunt throbbing around Bruno’s cock and my ass full of Darío, while Iván kept taking me to the edge with his mouth. Then Bruno changed the angle all at once, driving in deeper, and everything broke open inside me. The first orgasm tore a scream out of me that left me breathless. I came violently, and it didn’t stop there: as soon as my legs gave out, they sent me straight into another. And another. Every time I seemed about to fall, one of the three would grab me, squeeze me, force me to keep feeling.

—That’s it, that’s it —Iván murmured, almost laughing—. Look at how wrecked you’re getting.

—You’re beautiful like this —Darío said, voice broken.

Bruno held my gaze while he kept driving into me to the hilt and I was no longer capable of thinking about anything but the next push. I came again, and again, until my whole body was left trembling, wet, oversensitive, almost painful from how much pleasure there was. I felt like I might faint and, at the same time, like I had never been more awake.

Bruno was the first to finish. I felt him tense inside me, grip my hips hard, and let go with a deep groan that came from his chest. Darío followed soon after, buried to the hilt, letting out his breath all at once as if someone had emptied the air from his lungs. Iván came last, in my mouth, with a firm hand on the back of my neck and his face twisted with pleasure, and I swallowed by reflex, even though I was already too far gone to register anything clearly.

I was a mess on the sheets, hair stuck to my face, legs spread, my body still trembling from the last orgasms. One of them ran a hand down my back. Another kissed my shoulder. Another slowly wiped the sweat from my cheek. It wasn’t rough or cold like one imagines these things to be; it was almost tender, and that confused me even more.

Carla appeared in the doorway with a smile I knew well, the kind you wear when you’ve won a private bet with yourself.

—Welcome to the next level, friend —she said, lifting her glass toward me—. Now you know what this is about.

I wanted to come back with something clever and nothing came out. I could only smile, still breathless, my whole body pulsing. I got dressed slowly, with the clumsy movements of someone just learning how to live inside her own skin again, and I left before the silence got uncomfortable.

In the taxi back I watched the city pass by the window and tried to understand who I was now. I didn’t recognize myself, and at the same time I had never felt so much like me. I knew two things for certain. The first was that I wasn’t going to tell anyone. The second was that when Carla called again, I was going to say yes again.

That’s why I’m writing this here, where no one can see me. It’s the only confession I’m going to allow myself. The rest I keep for three in the morning, when I wake up alone and, instead of shame, what I feel is that I’d do it all over again.