Confessions

When I saw his name on the screen, my stomach clenched. Two weeks remembering his mouth and his hands, and there he was again, as if nothing had happened.

The water poured over us and I was on my knees. Those three days taught me that there are pleasures you can’t repress no matter how hard you try.

I’d gone months without anyone touching me. That night I started the car with no destination, but my body already knew exactly where it was going.

I’d been ignoring his looks for weeks. That night at the hotel, after the pool and dancing with strangers, I couldn’t keep doing it.

There were nights when I didn’t look at the face of whoever came in. I counted the money and waited for it to be over. But once, everything was completely different.

I saw him walk through that door and my heart started racing. I wore the reddest dress I owned. I wanted the first thing he saw to be me.

When I went into the truck to check the pallets, he climbed in behind me. No one else was in the warehouse. And we both knew exactly what was about to happen.

She came out of the bathroom in a white blazer that barely covered anything, a red pacifier on her lips and that smile of hers. I knew that night would be different.

When my roommate told me, “Take me with you,” I knew that night was going to cost her more than her shyness. What I didn’t imagine was that he’d show up.

I’d spent a month dreaming of seeing him again when my roommate confessed she was jealous of me. That same night I took her with me to the rave.

Marcelo watched from the couch while Rodrigo undressed me slowly. Then my husband wanted to know something I had never told him.

Sofía told me that night her boyfriend was too much for her. I just smiled. For me, that wasn’t a problem—it was an invitation.

She came out of the bathroom wearing a white blazer with nothing underneath and a red pacifier between her lips. That night I knew Camila hadn’t come to please me: she’d come to have fun.

That night I prepared like never before. Camila was coming over with her backpack and her wicked smile, and I knew exactly what I was going to ask her for.

We went out looking for an alley and came back with a secret. Some Fridays change you without asking permission.

A half-open door was the beginning. Then came the mirror I installed in her room so I could watch her better, night after night.

That afternoon I decided I was going to fuck him somehow, even if I had to dress for him and come on to him without a shred of subtlety. What happened next left me shaking.

When I told my flatmate on the balcony what that stranger had done to me a month earlier, I never expected her to ask to come with me next time.

She noticed before I did. She took my hand on the dance floor and looked at me like she knew exactly what I still couldn’t admit to myself.