Seven Nights of Absence and a Very Red Confession

For six days I’d been marking the calendar with thin little slashes, like someone counting down to a trip. I was not seventeen. I was thirty-two, living in a flat on Cerro Alegre, and my partner had just spent an entire week in Buenos Aires on a company course. Matías was coming back tonight, and my cunt had decided it would not wait a minute longer.

The problem—or what would have been a problem in some other version of me—is that that very morning my period had started. What would have stopped anyone else had the exact opposite effect on me. For two days I’d had that dull ache that begins in the belly and slides down into the thighs, that wet urgency that doesn’t go away no matter how often you tell yourself there’s not long to wait. Every contraction reminded me that he wasn’t near, that his cock wasn’t inside me, and I had no intention of receiving him lukewarm. I’d masturbated three times in the shower that week, two fingers all the way in and my thumb on my clit, and even that hadn’t been enough: I needed Matías’s cock stretching me open, not my fingers.

I put on a red dress. Short, tight, the kind that looks painted onto the skin. No bra underneath, because my nipples harden just from imagining him. Black heels. A lipstick the same color as the dress and as what was happening inside me.

In the arrivals hall at the Valparaíso airport it smelled of cold coffee and loudspeaker announcements. I crossed and uncrossed my legs five times before I saw him come out through the jet bridge, pulling his suitcase with that confidence that has been undoing me for eight years. Gray suit, light-blue shirt open at the first button, backpack slung over one shoulder. My Matías.

—I missed you so much —I told him against his neck the moment I had him in my arms—. You can’t even imagine.

—You smell the same —he answered, burying his nose in my hair—. How I missed your smell.

We kissed right there in the middle of the noise, ignoring the families waiting for their luggage and the rent-a-car clerk walking past with a sign. My hands slid down his back and settled where I knew they were supposed to settle. What I found there didn’t surprise me: he was already hard against the fabric of his trousers, pressing thickly into my hip. I squeezed the bulge with my whole palm and he let out a low, discreet groan only I could hear.

—Take me home —I whispered, lips pressed to his ear—. Now. I need you inside me now.

The drive to Concón was torture. He drove because I couldn’t manage the heels, and because my hands had other things to do. I loosened his belt before we even got on the road. I pulled down his zipper without asking and slid my hand inside his boxer briefs, gripping his whole cock with my fingers. It was hot, thick, with a heavy drop at the tip that I spread slowly with my thumb. I started jerking him off like that, fist tight and wrist slow, not pulling the boxer briefs all the way down, watching his face while he tried not to lose sight of the road.

—You’re killing me —he said, gripping the wheel until his knuckles turned white.

—I’m not even doing anything to you yet.

I leaned over the gearshift, freed his cock completely, and took it into my mouth without warning. A “fuck” slipped out of him and bounced against the windshield. I sucked him to the back of my throat, my tongue flat against the vein running underneath, hollowing out my cheeks, listening to his breathing turn into noise. Every time I came up I left a string of saliva hanging, then went back down slowly, squeezing his balls with my free hand. At a red light I lifted my head for a second to lick only the head, circling it with the tip of my tongue, and swallowed him again when he pulled away.

—If you keep doing that I’m going to come in your mouth before we get there —he panted.

—Don’t you dare. That load is for inside.

I straightened up and wiped the corner of my mouth with my thumb. He tucked his wet cock back into his boxer briefs as best he could, unable to hide it completely because it wouldn’t fit.

—Matías —I said after a while—. I need to tell you something.

—Tell me.

—I got my period. This morning.

There was a short silence, just one.

—And?

—Nothing. I’m saying it in case you want to adjust your expectations.

He laughed hard, with that laugh that wrinkles his eyes.

—Love, I’ve been jerking off for seven nights thinking about your pussy. If you think a little blood is going to stop me, you don’t know me. I’m going to fuck you anyway. More, even.

We got to Concón fifteen minutes later, in a drive that felt endless to me. The house was cold, but we weren’t. The moment he closed the door, I leapt onto him and wrapped my legs around his waist. I could feel his hard cock pushing against my panties, wet with blood and need. We went up the stairs like that, bumping into the banister, laughing as if we were twenty years younger than we were.

He set me down on the bed with that care he had never lost, as if I were still fragile. He looked down at me, and those green eyes of his made me stupid for the umpteenth time.

—Take off the dress before I rip it.

I pulled it off over my head slowly, never taking my eyes off him. He was undoing his tie. Under the dress I only had black cotton panties on—the comfortable ones, the ones I wear when I’m bleeding—and he smiled when he saw them.

—Your war underwear.

—The underwear of truth.

My breasts were already free, no bra, my nipples so hard they hurt. He didn’t take long to get on top of me, trapping one nipple between his lips while his palm worked the other. He started slowly, sucking hard, tugging with his teeth just enough to make a moan slip out of me. He kept building the intensity until I arched up into his mouth, offering him my tits as if I had nothing else to give.

—Harder —I asked—. Bite them. I’m not going to break.

He bit my right nipple until I screamed, then licked it slowly, apologizing with his tongue. He did the same on the other side. He sucked with hunger, mouth open, saliva running down the side of my breast onto the sheet. He went down over my sternum, my ribs, my navel, leaving a trail of pink bruises from his bites. When he reached the elastic of my panties he stopped for a second and looked at me. I nodded.

He took them off with his teeth, tugging them sideways, exposing the pad I had stuck on underneath. Anyone else would have grimaced. He just peeled it off with a tenderness that did not match the situation and threw it in the bin without a word.

—You sure? —I still asked him, with half a smile.

He didn’t answer. He spread my legs with both hands, settled himself face-down between my thighs, and buried his face in my open, bleeding cunt.

The first lick made my whole body shiver. It was long, flat, from the entrance of my cunt to my clit, sucking everything in its path, not avoiding the blood even a little. He did it again. And again. He was eating me slowly, his nose pressed against my pussy, not leaving a centimeter unlicked. Then he started playing with my clit alone, circling it with the tip of his tongue, drawing tight little loops, never giving me what I was screaming for. When he finally closed his lips around it and began to suck rhythmically, with slow pulls, I was already spilling onto the sheets.

He slid two fingers inside me without stopping licking me. He curved them upward, searching for that spot only he finds on the first try, and started moving them like he was calling me from the inside. Tongue on my clit, fingers grinding that spot into me, and I had both hands in his hair, pulling without even realizing it.

When he lifted his head to breathe, his mouth was red. Truly red, from blood and lipstick and whatever else gets made in me when he’s near. I laughed before I could stop myself.

—You look like a sad clown.

—A very entertaining clown.

He dragged the back of his hand over his chin and a red streak stayed marked on his skin. He licked his lips with calculated obscenity and went back to work, this time with a concentration that frightened me and pleased me in equal measure. Now he added three fingers, pumping in and out with a wet sound, while he sucked my clit without mercy. The first orgasm caught me off guard, my heels digging into the mattress, my fingers clenching the sheet, my hips lifting on their own against his face. I screamed out loud, mouth open, not holding back. The house is ours, and he always tells me that my scream is the thing he misses most when he travels.

He pulled his dripping fingers out and showed them to me: they gleamed red all the way to his knuckles. He took them into his mouth and sucked each one clean, staring straight at me.

—You’re delicious today —he said, voice rough.

I was still panting when I pushed him onto his back. I yanked down his trousers and boxer briefs in one pull and his cock sprang free, thick, the tip red with blood because I’d dripped all over him while jerking him off in the car. Before climbing on him, I bent down and swallowed him whole in one go, until I felt his pubic bone against my nose. He let out a roar and grabbed my hair with both hands.

—Fuck, how I missed your mouth.

I sucked his cock with no rhythm, all over the place, wanting to eat it. I licked his balls one by one, took them into my mouth little by little, went back up the shaft. When I had him completely wet with saliva and thick with the blood that had soaked into him, I climbed on top before he could react. At some point he’d lost his shirt, though I hadn’t noticed when. Now it was just skin, sweat, and that hot, wet thing between us that was starting to stain everything.

I lowered myself onto him slowly, guiding his cock with my hand until it found my entrance, and then I took him in centimeter by centimeter until he was all the way inside. A long moan escaped me at the feeling of being full for the first time in a week. Matías closed his eyes and threw his head back.

—Fuck, how tight you are.

I started moving in a rhythm that wasn’t our usual one. Faster. Rougher. Rising until only the tip stayed inside him, then dropping down hard onto the base, not stopping, carrying the pent-up rage of seven days, the dull fever of blood, and an animal joy at having him under me again. Every drop made a slapping, wet, filthy sound that only turned me on more.

—More —I told him without stopping—. Harder. Push me. Break me.

He grabbed my waist with both hands and helped me come down with all my weight, driving up into me from below, shaking me whole. Every time I rose I could see how we were staining each other: his belly painted red, my pussy, his thighs, everything. The white sheet I’d put on that afternoon was turning into something else. A red constellation. A map of us. I grabbed my own breasts with both hands and squeezed them while I rode him, pinching my nipples for him.

—That’s it, ride that cock —he panted from below—. That’s it, my love, give it all to me.

The second orgasm was different. Deeper, longer, farther in. I felt my cunt closing in spasms around his cock, squeezing him from the inside, almost milking him. My breathing broke somewhere along the way and, when I started breathing again, I was bent over his chest, forehead resting on his shoulder, trembling, his cock still buried to the hilt inside me.

—I’m not done yet —I told him.

He laughed.

—You don’t need to explain that to me.

He turned me with one of those maneuvers only he knows how to do and I ended up on all fours, braced against the headboard, ass lifted and offered. I felt his fingers running over me, slick with everything we were that night, spreading my ass cheeks, teasing at the edge of my asshole for a second before sliding back down to my cunt. He shoved three fingers in at once and pulled them out with an obscene splash.

—Look at you —he said, dragging his stained fingers over my lips—. Suck.

I sucked his fingers. They tasted of metal and of me and of us.

Matías never rushes this part. He didn’t rush it in the eight years we’ve been together. That night, though, I was the one who didn’t want to wait.

—Now —I told him—. Now. Put it in. Hard.

He went in slowly anyway, despite what I was asking for. Centimeter by centimeter, with a patience that drove me insane. I felt him making his way through my swollen walls, the blood helping him slide until it became obscenely easy. Once he was all the way inside, he stayed still for a moment, stroking my back, waiting for my body to take him. I took him quickly. I always did.

He started moving carefully at first and then with the force of someone who had been stockpiling desire for an entire week. Every thrust was a dry slap of his hips against my ass, with a snap of wet skin filling the room. I clung to the headboard and let myself go. My breasts were bouncing with each drive, and every so often he leaned in to squeeze them with one hand while the other held my hip, leaving red fingerprints in my white skin.

—Like this? —he asked in my ear, voice broken, never stopping.

—Yes.

—Like this, slut?

—Yes. Don’t stop. Deeper.

He yanked my hair, gathering it into a fist, and arched my back. With the other hand he slapped my ass so hard it echoed in the room. Then again. He was fucking me like he hadn’t fucked me in months, not caring, knowing that tonight that was exactly what I wanted. He ran his thumb over my asshole, pressing just a little, and I fell apart against the headboard.

—Come inside me —I begged—. All of it. Fill me.

He finished there, inside, with a rough groan that ran down my spine like a shiver. I felt the jolts of his cock inside me, his hot load mixing with the blood, spilling out at the sides and running down my thighs. He stayed still for a few seconds before pulling out, leaving a thick red thread to fall onto the sheet. I let myself collapse face-down onto the mattress and breathed for the first time in I don’t know how long.

***

I thought it ended there. Matías lay down beside me, pulled me into his arms from behind, and we both fell silent, listening to our breathing come back to normal. Outside, Concón was still Concón: a car passing in the distance, a late seagull, the sea refusing to shut up entirely.

—I missed you so much —he said against the nape of my neck.

—Me too.

—That was good.

—That was very good.

I turned to look at him. His stomach was stained, his chin was stained, his fingers were stained, his cock still red and half-soft, resting against his thigh. I was the same, or worse: cunt open, thighs sticky, blood and cum running slowly down toward the crease of my groin. The bed was a disaster. On any other night I would have jumped up to get towels, to put cold water on, to wash before it dried. That night I didn’t move.

—Matías.

—Yes?

—One more time.

He looked at me with one eyebrow raised.

—Seriously?

—Seriously. But slowly. With me underneath.

He didn’t answer with words. I ran my hand over his softening cock, took it in my fingers, and worked it slowly, feeling it harden again in my fist. I bent down and licked it from base to tip, cleaning it with my tongue, tasting both of us. When it was hard again all the way, he settled himself between my legs with the sweet exhaustion of someone who knew the whole night was still ahead of him. I opened my arms and pulled him toward me until all his weight was resting on me. That’s my favorite position. The one I ask for when I need him close for real, not just inside me. When I want to look into his eyes while he inhabits me.

He entered slowly. He filled me with a calm that was almost insulting compared to the scene before. I felt every centimeter going in, the slow friction, the way my cunt was slowly embracing him. And he started to move like someone writing a letter with his body. Slowly. Unhurried. Hip down, hip up, almost withdrawing completely and sinking back in to the hilt, again and again, with a constancy that was almost meditative.

—I love you —I told him.

—I love you too.

I dug my heels into his ass, inviting him to stay. I ran my hands over his sweaty back, feeling the muscles tense with each thrust. He kissed me slowly, his tongue entering my mouth at the same time his cock entered my cunt, in a double rhythm that melted me. I sucked his stained tongue, bit his lower lip, moaned softly against his mouth.

The sheets kept darkening beneath us. I could feel the blood spreading over his thighs, over my hip, and instead of feeling ashamed I felt whole. This is me. This is us. There’s no part of me he hasn’t seen, no part of him I haven’t touched.

He slipped one hand between us and found my clit with his thumb. He started making tight circles while continuing to thrust with that devastating slowness. I dug my nails into his back and bit his shoulder so I wouldn’t scream too loud.

The orgasm came slowly too. It wasn’t an explosion like the others. It was more of a sinking, a letting go, a surrender. I felt my cunt clenching around his cock in long, slow, rippling spasms. When I started shaking, Matías kissed my closed eyelids and came a moment later, still, still inside me, his face pressed into my neck and a short load that I felt thick against the depths.

We stayed like that, not moving, for a long time, him still inside, softening slowly, finally slipping out under his own weight.

Then he moved to one side and I curled against his chest. Between my legs I felt the warm mixture running down to my asshole and dripping onto the already ruined sheet. The bed was a battlefield. The white sheets were no longer white. I should have worried. I didn’t.

—Clown’s kiss —I said, touching his chin, still stained red.

—Vampire’s kiss, you’ll see —he answered.

I laughed. He kissed my forehead. Outside, the sea. Inside, us.

I thought that the next day we’d have to wash. Change the sheets, air out the room, go back to the world of the living. But that was tomorrow. For now, Matías was asleep with his head on my chest. For now, the seven nights without him had been paid all at once, in red, and I wouldn’t trade that payment for anything.

—We should do this more often —I said before closing my eyes.

—The seven days without seeing each other?

—The vampire sex.

I felt him smiling against my hair. I felt his firm hand at my waist. I felt sleep winning for the first time that week.

—Whenever you want —he told me.

And I fell asleep like that: stained, loved, whole.