How I Found Out I Was a Cuckold Who Consents

Is a cuckold who consents born that way, or does he become one? I’ve been asking myself that question for years, and I’m still not sure of the answer. What I do know is when I first began to suspect what I was, and that’s why I’ve decided to tell it exactly as it happened, without embellishment.

I was nineteen the first time I had anything resembling a real girlfriend. Her name was Noelia; she was part of the neighborhood group of friends, and I’d been crazy about her for months. After a long stretch of flirting, exchanged glances, and late-night messages, one night we kissed in the entrance to her building and started dating.

The problem—though I didn’t see it as a problem back then—was that she had always been in love with someone else. An older guy, the kind who barely paid her any attention, one of those men who owned a car in their early twenties and looked down on everyone else. His name was Rubén. Noelia talked about him with a mixture of resentment and longing that I preferred not to analyze.

She loved having me caress her, show her affection, and treat her the way no one else did. And I loved doing it. She had full lips that trapped me completely the first time I kissed them; I spent entire classes thinking about them, imagining them slowly opening around my cock. She was affectionate when she wanted to be, distant when it suited her, and I settled for the crumbs she gave me.

At that time, I wanted to have sex with a girl for the first time. I wanted to lose my “virginity” with her, to tick that box all my friends took for granted. I say “virginity” in quotation marks because the truth was, I’d already had sex—just not with girls. I’d been with guys, and on those occasions I was always the bottom.

In other words, I’d sucked cocks until I gagged, swallowed thick loads in spurts, and let myself be fucked by dicks thicker than my wrist. I’d experienced penetration from the other side: I knew perfectly well what it was like to spread my legs, feel yourself impaled all the way to the hilt, and come without even touching my cock simply because I was being fucked hard and well. But a pussy was unknown territory to me, and I admit it made me nervous. I didn’t know whether I’d know how to lick it, whether I’d find the clitoris on the first try, whether my cock would measure up, or whether she’d notice that I was inexperienced in that area.

***

When we’d been together for a couple of months, Noelia disappeared from campus for a couple of hours one afternoon. She’d slipped away between classes without telling anyone. When she came back, I saw her hurrying across the courtyard and followed her to ask where she’d been.

Before I could catch up with her, she ran into two friends by the lockers. I stopped a few yards away, half-hidden behind a column, and heard what she told them in a low but excited voice.

“I did it with Rubén,” she blurted. “We fucked. He put it in me in the back seat of his car, girls. He’s got a huge cock—you can’t imagine what he can do. He wrecked my pussy and came inside me without pulling out.”

The two friends covered their mouths with their hands and laughed. I stood rooted to the spot. Rubén was the older guy she was in love with, and at that moment I felt as if something broke deep inside me, in a place in my chest I hadn’t even known existed. They didn’t realize I was nearby or that I’d heard everything. Without meaning to, I imagined Noelia’s pussy dripping with Rubén’s cum, that huge cock going in and out of her all the way, and felt a spasm halfway between nausea and an erection that began pressing against my jeans.

What was my reaction? I acted as if nothing had happened. When I asked her a while later where she’d been, she told me she’d gone to the doctor. I nodded, put on a believing face, and kissed her forehead. Let her think I’m an idiot, I thought. Better for both of us.

I spent days turning it over in my head. I didn’t sleep well, imagining the scene again and again in sickening detail: Noelia with her skirt hiked up to her waist, her panties hanging from one ankle, Rubén’s thick cock splitting her open while she bit his shoulder and begged for more. I masturbated thinking about those images, coming onto my stomach with my face buried in the pillow so my parents wouldn’t hear me. But in the end I accepted what had happened and stayed with her, as if crossing that betrayal off the list were easier than facing it.

***

Not long afterward, she and I had sex for the first time. It was in her room, one Saturday afternoon when her parents had gone to the village. We started kissing fully clothed on the bed, and after a while I slowly undressed her, taking my time and savoring what I’d been imagining for months. I took off her shirt and unhooked her bra; she had medium-sized breasts, white, with pink nipples hard from arousal. I sucked them one by one, gently nibbling them, tugging at the nipple with my teeth while she arched her back and let me do it.

I pulled down her panties and saw a real pussy for the first time, not in a photo or a video: pink, glistening with wetness, with her pubic hair trimmed into a narrow strip. I lowered my head and started licking it as best I knew how, with long strokes from bottom to top, searching for her clitoris with the tip of my tongue. She guided me with her hand, pressing my head against her sex and showing me where to lick and at what rhythm. She came in my mouth within a few minutes, her thighs trembling around my face, drowning me in her juices, and I swallowed her taste as if I’d just passed an exam.

Then I put on a condom with clumsy fingers and climbed on top of her. I put my cock in her pussy and froze for a second, processing how hot and tight it was, so different from the asses of the guys I’d been with. I started fucking her slowly, watching her face and seeking her mouth with mine. She wrapped her arms around my back, dug her nails into my ass, and whispered in my ear that I should go harder, faster, that I should put it all the way in. I obeyed, pounding her against the mattress and watching her tits move in time with my hips. I came inside the condom within minutes, my forehead resting against her neck and my breathing ragged, feeling my cock pulse and unload inside her.

I liked it, of course I liked it, but I couldn’t get out of my head the fact that she’d already been with someone else, that what was a first time for me was a repeat performance for her. As I came, unable to stop myself, I thought about Rubén’s cock occupying the same place as mine, about his cum soaking that pussy before mine had, and some sick part of me moaned harder at that image than from the real pleasure of being inside my girlfriend.

Sex with Noelia was different from what I’d had with guys. With her, everything was slower, more affectionate, more careful. With the guys, it had always been rougher, more animal, more direct: four spits for preparation, the cock going in without asking permission, and fucking without restraint until they came on my face or in my ass. And it was precisely then, comparing the two, that I began to realize something it would take me a long time to accept.

Pure physical pleasure, sex in its rawest form, felt more intense with a man. Especially oral sex and penetration. The arousal I felt when I sucked a cock, when I felt the glans pounding against my throat and the guy’s hands gripping my hair to fuck my mouth, or when I was fucked on all fours and felt the dick go all the way in until it hit my prostate, was nothing like what I felt with her. It was something else. It was stronger, dirtier, more mine.

Despite everything, I loved her. I really did, with that clumsy intensity of being nineteen. And that’s why I put up with what came next.

***

One night at a party, the three of us were together: Noelia, her best friend, and me. A message came through on her phone, and her face changed instantly. She said she had to go home, that her older sister needed her for some story or other. I offered to walk her, but she shook her head.

“Stay with Carla and keep partying,” she told me, already slinging her purse over her shoulder. “I don’t want to ruin your fun.”

The message wasn’t from her sister. It was from Rubén, who was coming to pick her up in his car to take her somewhere deserted and fuck her. I found that out shortly afterward, although I already suspected it then; I read it in the tremor of her voice, her haste, and the way she avoided looking me in the eye when she said goodbye.

I felt betrayed again. But this time, beneath the betrayal, there was something else. Something I had trouble acknowledging even when I was alone. Knowing that my girlfriend was a “slut,” that while I waited for her she was spread-legged in the back seat of another car, with Rubén’s cock buried to the hilt in her pussy, moaning and begging him to come inside her, turned me on. I got hard right there in the middle of the dance floor, beer warming in my hand. I imagined her riding him astride, her tits bouncing in front of his face, coming again and again on that dick that was so much bigger than mine; and afterward his stream of cum filling her, running down her thighs on the way home. I had to grit my teeth so no one would notice the erection beneath my pants.

That was how I spent almost an entire year. Swallowing it, keeping quiet, playing dumb while another man fucked my girl. I really loved her; Rubén only wanted her for one thing. And yet, in that absurd arrangement, I was the one who seemed unnecessary.

During that period, I noticed how she was learning. She evolved much faster than I did in bed: she tried new positions, lost her shyness, and her blowjobs improved in a way that left no doubt where she was getting her practice. Now she swallowed me whole down to her throat without gagging, licked my balls one by one and put them in her mouth, and pulled my cock out with a smack to jerk me off while looking into my eyes. Every advance she made was a clue to the hours she spent with Rubén’s cock in her mouth, and I counted them silently while I came in hers.

***

Carla, her best friend, and I grew closer during those months. Maybe because she was the only person who knew the truth without my telling her. One day, without my asking, she confirmed what I already suspected: Noelia and Rubén fucked often, almost every weekend, and she told Carla everything in graphic detail—how he put it in her, how he got her on all fours, how he made her come three or four times in a row until he left her trembling and full of semen inside and out.

I don’t know whether Carla looked at me with pity or curiosity after that. The fact was that one night, when we’d both had more to drink than we should have, we made out on the sofa at her place, with the television on and the volume low. We started with an awkward, alcohol-laden kiss, and a minute later I had my hand inside her bra, pinching a nipple that hardened instantly. Carla was a very daring girl, shameless when she talked about sex and her fantasies, with no filter. But physically she was a virgin, and that night I deflowered her.

I ripped her clothes off right there on the sofa, and she let me, her eyes shining with desire. I pulled down her panties and saw her pussy for the first time: hairier than Noelia’s, with full lips, already soaked before I touched it. I knelt on the rug and ate her out hungrily, making use of all the practice I’d had with my girlfriend. I spread her lips wide with my thumbs, exposed her clitoris, and started sucking it with slow licks, then licked it with my lips as if it were a little candy. She gripped the cushions and moaned without the slightest inhibition, not caring whether the neighbors could hear her. When I felt her nearing the edge, I rose, spread her legs wide, and slowly pushed my cock inside her, feeling her hymen give way, feeling her tense and then relax as I opened her with short thrusts. I fucked her slowly at first, then harder when I saw how much she was enjoying it; she begged for more, deeper, faster, while she grabbed her tits and pinched her nipples. We came almost together, her nails dug into my back, me inside her, thinking of nothing but unloading every last drop.

So now I was unfaithful too. The guilt lasted only as long as it took us to fall asleep. After that, Carla and I started experimenting with everything that crossed her mind, which was quite a lot.

She was especially obsessed with guys’ asses. She said she loved the idea of giving a guy anal sex with a strap-on dildo, reversing the roles, watching a man moan face-down like a bitch while she fucked him from behind until she made him come without touching his cock. She had no idea I’d already been with men, that for me this wasn’t a fantasy but a memory tattooed firmly onto my ass. And I didn’t tell her. I let her believe she was discovering me, that she was the one opening up a new world for me.

***

One of those nights, while she kissed my neck and slowly jerked me off over my underwear, Carla slid her hand downward and asked me in my ear, half-jokingly, whether I’d let her put a finger up my ass. I told her to go ahead without hesitation.

Her expression was priceless: a mixture of surprise, arousal, and satisfaction at getting her way. She made me turn over on the bed, face down, and spread my cheeks with both hands. I felt her tongue before her finger: she bent down and started eating my ass, eagerly sucking my hole, soaking it with saliva, slipping the tip of her tongue inside and pulling it back out. The little slut knew exactly what she was doing, even though she swore up and down it was her first time. I hid my face in the pillow and moaned louder than I would have liked to admit, pushing my ass backward so she would eat me more.

Then she wet her finger with lube and slowly pushed it inside me, carefully, while with her other hand she made me turn onto my side and held my cock, stroking it at a slow rhythm. I closed my eyes and let myself go. Her finger went in and out and touched me exactly where it needed to, at that spot I already knew perfectly well but pretended to be discovering for the first time. Every time she brushed my prostate, a drop of pre-cum escaped from the tip of my cock, and she used it to jerk me off more slickly.

“Put in another one,” I urged her, my voice raspier than I intended.

She looked at me as if she couldn’t believe it, but the proposal delighted her. Little by little she inserted a second finger, watching my reaction as if she were studying a map. She opened my ass with both fingers, digging around inside me and curving them upward to pound my prostate with a surgeon’s precision, and I thrust my hips against her hand, asking for more without saying so. I was incredibly turned on, more by the kink of the situation than anything else: the love of my life fucking another man while I let her best friend open my ass, my cock dripping onto the sheet and Rubén’s cum probably still inside Noelia’s pussy at that very hour.

When Carla lowered her head and sucked my cock while continuing to finger my ass, I barely lasted a few seconds. Her mouth was hot, wet, hungry; she swallowed me whole to the base and then pulled back to the tip with a smack, while her two fingers pressed against my prostate with the precision of someone far more experienced than she claimed to be. I came in her mouth with a moan that escaped without permission, a long, thick stream that she swallowed halfway, letting the rest run down her chin and drip between her tits. She sat up laughing and leaned toward me as if to kiss me jokingly, daring me to do it while the semen still hung from her lip. I grabbed her by the nape and pulled her into a deep kiss that left her breathless, a long, filthy kiss full of my own cum, our tongues tangling while I swallowed what was left of myself in her mouth. To my surprise, she loved it as much as I did; she licked my lips, sucked the remnants from my chin, and whispered that I was crazy, that I was a filthy pervert, and that next time she wanted to watch me do it in front of a mirror.

I don’t think Carla was in love with me. She’d simply found a guy with whom she could discover everything that occurred to her without being judged. And I’d found in her a mirror in which I could look at myself without fear. Our lives had become a cesspit of lies and sex, and neither of us intended to stop.

***

As for Noelia, I still loved her, absurd as that may sound. But there was one night that was too much, even for someone like me, who by then had already silently accepted the role I occupied.

Rubén took her to the private room of the club he had with his friends and fucked her there, with all of them nearby, hearing everything: my girlfriend’s moans, the sound of his cock going in and out of her soaked pussy, the filthy things he told her—“say you’re my slut,” “beg me to come inside you”—which she repeated along with him, louder and louder each time. Then, according to Carla, who heard it from a tearful Noelia, he passed her around: one by one, his friends took turns fucking her while Rubén watched, laughed, and casually jerked off in an armchair. Between them, they filled her pussy, mouth, and ass with semen, leaving her sprawled on a sticky sofa, legs spread, streams running out of every hole. After that night, whenever Rubén’s friends passed me in the neighborhood, they laughed at me. They pointed at me, made horns with their fingers, and called me a cuckold out loud so the whole street could hear. Once, one of them even shouted at me from a corner that his cock had been inside my girlfriend too, and that her pussy tasted like old semen.

That was something I couldn’t endure. Not the infidelities, which deep down turned me on more than I would ever admit to anyone—that very night in the private room, I’d masturbated three times in a row imagining her on all fours with four cocks around her face, swallowing cum and begging for more—but the public humiliation, the shame of being the lowest nobody in front of people I didn’t even know. It was one thing for me to know it, in the privacy of my own head with my cock in my hand; it was something entirely different to have them rub it in my face in the middle of the square.

So the relationship ended. Not because of the betrayal, but because of the laughter of strangers. I was the one who ended it, although it took me weeks to gather the courage, and Noelia didn’t even seem surprised.

***

As time passed, and after a few more relationships, I confirmed two things about myself. The first is that I’m a cuckold who consents: the idea of my partner with someone else, the mental image of another cock entering her pussy while I watch or wait at home, far from destroying me, turns me on in a way I haven’t managed to find in any other fantasy. The second is that I love cocks, that I love sucking them all the way down, swallowing cum, and getting on all fours so they can wreck my ass, and that day on Carla’s sofa, with two fingers inside me and her mouth around my cock, was only the beginning of accepting it.

Whether a cuckold who consents is born or made, I still don’t know. But I suspect that nineteen-year-old kid, hiding behind a column on campus while listening to his girlfriend brag about fucking someone else, already was one. He just wasn’t brave enough to say it out loud yet.