The Confession That Uncovered What We Kept Silent

After the confessions we made to each other that afternoon on the beach, we went back to our routine without ever bringing up the subject again. Almost a month passed, and everything seemed the same. But I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had told me, or about what I had let slip between nervous laughs. Sometimes I felt jealous, other times guilty. Almost always, whenever I remembered it, I ended up short of breath and with my panties soaked, my fingers buried between the lips of my cunt until I came, biting the pillow.

That Friday dawned gray and ended even worse. It rained with the stubbornness of autumn storms that decide not to leave all night. I had just gotten home from work and was still taking off my coat when my phone rang.

“I’m coming over,” Tomás said. “I’m buying that bread you like. Will you make me some hot chocolate?”

“Done. Hurry up, I’m freezing.”

I changed quickly, left my uniform tossed on the bed, and went downstairs in a sweatshirt and knee-high socks. I put the milk on the stove, broke up the dark chocolate by hand—as we had gotten used to doing—and left the two steaming mugs on the coffee table. I turned on the series we were watching, that one about Nordic detectives, and settled onto the sofa to wait for him.

He arrived soaked, laughing. He took off his wet shirt in the entryway and kissed me on the forehead, smelling of the bakery and the street.

“You owe me an entire dinner for making me come out in this rain,” he said.

“I owe you more than that.”

We watched the episode pressed together under the same blanket. When it ended, I went for the second mug and, from the kitchen, did exactly what I had promised myself I wouldn’t do.

“Tomi,” I said, coming back with the mugs, “did what happened at the beach bother you?”

He slowly raised his head.

“The confessions? Not at all, my love.”

“It’s just that we never talked about it again. And sometimes I think that maybe something stayed with you.”

“I swear it didn’t. Sit here.”

I sat pressed against him, my legs crossed on the sofa. He set both mugs on the coffee table and took my hands.

“So you’ll believe me, I suggest another confession. But this time I’ll start. Are you up for it?”

“What kind of confession?”

“You decide.”

I took a deep breath. I knew exactly what I was going to ask, and I knew I shouldn’t. But the combination of chocolate, rain, and trust pushed me to do it anyway.

“What was your most intense sexual encounter?”

I watched his expression change. It wasn’t discomfort. It was something else. A memory rising from somewhere he almost never returned to.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded.

***

Tomás turned the mug between his hands. Steam rose like a ghost between his fingers. It took him a while to begin, and when he did, his voice came out lower than usual, almost drowned out by the rain against the window.

“It was with Renata. My college girlfriend. I was twenty, she was twenty-one. We used to go study at her apartment because she lived alone. You know what that time was like: study for two hours, then start with any excuse.”

He took a long sip, as though the chocolate might wash away what was coming.

“One night Camila, her best friend, came over to study for the same final. I didn’t know her very well. She was quieter than Renata, more serious. She had a way of looking at you that made you uncomfortable without knowing why. We studied late, opened a bottle of wine they had stashed away, and started teasing each other between laughs. The rain was falling just like tonight, so Camila stayed over.”

“And?” I asked, already feeling a knot in my stomach.

“Renata took a mattress out of the closet and threw it down beside the bed. Camila was going to sleep there. We turned off the light, and a few minutes later I felt Renata touching me beneath the sheet, slowly, like a game. She slipped her hand inside my boxers and grabbed my cock, which was already half-hard from feeling her pressed against me. She started jerking me off slowly, very slowly, squeezing me hard at the base. I whispered that she shouldn’t, that the other girl was right there.”

He paused. The mug no longer mattered to him.

“And then I heard Camila’s voice from the mattress, down in the darkness. ‘Don’t stop on my account.’”

Tomás closed his eyes for a second. The room had shrunk around his voice.

“Renata laughed softly and kept going. I let her. She pulled my boxers down to my ankles and slipped beneath the sheet. I felt her hot mouth swallowing my cock whole, all the way to her throat, with that wet sound blow jobs make when the girl sucking wants it to be heard. I gripped the sheet with both hands, knowing Camila was a yard away, listening to Renata suck me. After a few minutes, we no longer cared whether it could be heard or not. I was more turned on than I had ever been in my life, knowing Camila was there, awake, with her ears tuned to every swallow, every ragged breath of mine. Renata pulled my cock from her mouth with a loud pop, and a moment later she sat on top of me, shoved my cock into her cunt in one thrust, and said loudly, without whispering, ‘Cami, turn on the bedside lamp.’”

“Fuck,” I blurted.

“And she did. Without thinking, without hesitating. She remained sitting on the mattress, the sheet over her knees, watching us like someone watching a movie. Renata moved on top of me while looking at her, not at me. She rode my cock slowly, taking it all the way to the bottom and back up again, her mouth open, showing Camila how her cunt opened around my cock. She talked to her. Asked if she liked what she saw, if her panties were getting wet, if her nipples were hard. And Camila answered yes, her voice trembling, never taking her eyes off us.”

I felt my heart in my throat. It wasn’t so much the story as the way Tomás told it.

“Renata climbed off me, my cock shining with her juices, and called her over. Camila hesitated for a second and came. She sat on the edge of the bed. Renata asked her to take off her shirt slowly, while looking at me. She said, ‘Look at her, Tomi.’ Camila took it off and stayed there, with her small breasts and brutally hard pink nipples, her collarbones pronounced. Renata yanked down her shorts and panties and pulled her legs open in front of my face. She had a hairless, tiny cunt, glistening with wetness. Renata told her to lie down between us. And she did.”

“Did you…?”

“We did. Both of them, with me, for hours. Renata directed everything. Camila was shyer and obeyed. I didn’t make decisions; I just followed along. Renata grabbed my cock and put it into Camila’s mouth herself. ‘Suck it, like that, all the way down,’ she told her, pushing her head. Camila sucked me with her eyes closed, while Renata, on top of me, rubbed her cunt against my face so I would lick it. I sucked her swollen clit until her whole body contracted and she drenched my mouth. Then Renata turned around, got on all fours over my face, and asked me to keep eating her while I fucked Camila. I lifted Camila’s legs, rested the tip of my cock against the entrance of her cunt, and slowly pushed it in, millimeter by millimeter, watching it swallow me whole. She was incredibly tight. I started fucking her with long thrusts, watching Renata’s ass move over my face and feeling Camila dig her nails into my back with every stroke. At one point Renata asked me to make Camila come with my mouth while she kissed her. I pulled out of her cunt, got between her legs, and buried my tongue inside her. I licked everything—her clit, her lips, her opening—drawing out her juices while Renata kissed her on the mouth and pinched her nipples. Camila writhed and trembled until she spread her legs wide, arched her back, and came on my face with a muffled cry against Renata’s mouth. When she finished, Renata kissed me with the taste of her friend on her tongue and asked me to finish inside her while Camila watched us. She lay face down, raised her ass, and guided my cock to her cunt. I grabbed her hair and fucked her brutally, with Camila beside us, naked, still breathing hard, touching herself while watching me split her best friend’s cunt open.”

“And you came.”

“And I came. Inside her. I emptied everything into her. I felt every spurt shooting from my cock deep inside her cunt, and Renata moaning against the pillow while Camila, beside us, slipped two fingers inside herself and came too, watching us. The next morning Camila left early. Renata and I never spoke about it again. We broke up six months later over something else. But whenever it rains hard, I remember the sound of water against the window, the smell of wet cunt throughout the room, and Camila’s voice saying, ‘Don’t stop on my account.’”

***

I remained silent for a long while. The mug was lukewarm now, and my breathing had turned strange—that breathing you can’t hide when you need to. I had my thighs crossed tightly because my cunt was throbbing like a second heart. Tomás glanced at me without pressuring me.

“Did it bother you?” he asked.

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m… I’m feeling far too good for how I should be feeling. My panties are soaked, Tomi.”

He laughed softly. He reached out and touched my knee, not as an advance but as a question.

“Now it’s your turn.”

“Tomi…”

“That’s the deal. I told you mine; you tell me yours. You don’t have to leave anything out.”

I swallowed. I knew which one I was going to tell. It was the only one I had. The one I had never told anyone.

Let it be today, I thought. Let it be today, and let me not regret it tomorrow.

“It was with Iván,” I said. “After his cousin’s wedding.”

“I know,” Tomás murmured. “He was your boyfriend then.”

“Yes. But the part I’m going to tell you isn’t the wedding. It’s the trip home.”

I set down my mug so I wouldn’t burn my hands. The words came out faster than I expected.

“Iván had drunk a lot. I was driving. Halfway there, in an area with no gas stations, right in the middle of the highway, he asked me to stop because he couldn’t hold it. We got out of the car on opposite sides. It was a gravelly area, with no lights except the distant headlights of trucks racing past in the other lane.”

“And?”

“I took the opportunity to get out too. I crouched on the shoulder, lifted my dress, pulled my panties down to my knees, and pissed right there, staring into the darkness. The hot relief pouring from my cunt, the stream striking the earth between my feet, the icy wind between my wet legs, the sound of the trucks. Something lit up inside me then, something I was never able to explain.”

“Did he see you?”

“When I finished, Iván came up behind me. His cock was still out, dripping the last few drops. He wrapped his arms around my waist while I was still holding up my dress with my ass bare. And two of his drops, still warm, fell onto my wrist as he shook his cock against my hip.”

I raised my left hand and turned my wrist toward the dim living-room light, as if the drops were still there.

“Without thinking, I put it in my mouth.”

Tomás’s eyes widened slightly.

“I licked my wrist with his piss on it. Salty, bitter, ridiculous. And when I looked at him, Iván looked at me the way no one had ever looked at me before.”

“What did he say?”

“He said, ‘Get on your knees. Clean it for me.’”

“Lucía…”

“And I did. I knelt right there, among the weeds on the shoulder, my knees digging into the stones, and grabbed his cock with both hands. The tip was still wet with piss. I sucked the whole thing anyway. I ran my tongue over his glans, his shaft, his balls, tasting all of him. I took him down my throat, pulled him out with strings of saliva hanging from it, and put him back in, with the headlights of the trucks passing every twenty seconds, bathing us in light for a second before leaving us in darkness again. Not knowing whether they could see us or not. Knowing they probably could. Iván held my hair with both hands and fucked my mouth at his own pace, until I felt his cock pulsing against my tongue and asked him, with my mouth full, to come inside. And he came. One thick spurt after another against my palate. I swallowed everything while looking into his eyes and cleaned the tip with my tongue, the taste of semen and piss mixed together in my mouth.”

Tomás leaned forward, as if he wanted to hear me more closely. I continued.

“When I finished, he opened the rear door of the car and pushed me inside. He ripped off my panties and threw them aside onto the seat. He put me on all fours across the seat, my face pressed against the fogged-up window, lifted my dress to my shoulders, and left my ass bare, pointing toward the open door. He spit on my cunt and rubbed it twice with his fingers, then drove his cock into me in one thrust, whole, without warning. He split me open. I screamed against the window. His cock had gotten hard again five minutes after coming, and he buried it in me to the balls, pulling almost all the way out and driving it back in with a hard snap of his hips that made my tits shake against the seat. And he fucked me like an animal. I’m not exaggerating. With a fury I had never known in him. He gripped my hair with one hand and my ass with the other, leaving the marks of his fingers. Then he pushed his thumb into my ass, using nothing but spit, and opened me there while he kept fucking my cunt. I clung to the seat belt, biting it to keep from screaming, watching the distant lights pass through the window. The fear that a truck might stop and see us—me on all fours, some man fucking me like a bitch on the shoulder—mixed with the desire for it to happen, with the desire for someone to watch us, made me come like never before in my life. I came twice in a row, squeezing his cock with my cunt, soaking the car seat.”

Tomás was breathing with his mouth slightly open. He didn’t interrupt me.

“When he finished, he didn’t use protection. He pulled his cock out just in time and came over my buttocks, long hot streams running down my thighs, over my asshole, and along the backs of my knees. He pushed the tip back in and wiped the remnants inside me. Then he spread his semen over the crack of my ass with his fingers and made me suck them clean. My dress was ruined. We drove home like that, with all of it on me, without panties, sitting on the semen cooling between my legs. He drove because the alcohol had worn off. I sat in the passenger seat, my legs sticky, my cunt swollen, smelling of sex, semen, and piss, and feeling like the most alive woman in the world.”

***

I fell silent, waiting for his reaction. The rain had eased a little. The only sounds were the kitchen clock and our breathing.

“Fuck, Lucía.”

“Fuck what?”

“That’s…” He swallowed. “That’s one of the most arousing things I’ve ever heard in my life.”

He raised his hand and brushed my wrist exactly where the drops had fallen years ago, on another road, with another man. He turned it slowly, as if he wanted to see something that was no longer there. Then he ran his tongue over my wrist, slowly, looking into my eyes.

“Do you know what we have now?”

“What?”

“Two secrets,” he said softly. “Two things we wouldn’t tell anyone else in the world. And now they’re ours.”

I looked at his crotch without hiding it. His entire cock showed through the fabric of his pants, hard and pointing toward his navel. He had been hard for quite a while. I reached out and squeezed it through his clothes. I felt it hot and throbbing beneath my palm.

“And now?” I asked.

“Now,” he said, without letting go of my wrist, “we finish the chocolate.”

I laughed. Because I understood.

“And afterward?”

“Afterward we’ll see what we do with everything we’ve just said.”

I lifted the mug with the hand he wasn’t holding. It was cold. I drank it anyway, to the bottom, watching him. He did the same. He didn’t let go of my wrist for a moment either.

I switched off the floor lamp with my elbow without getting up. The only light left was the distant yellow glow from the kitchen extractor fan.

“Tomi.”

“What?”

“Today I don’t want to be me.”

“Then who do you want to be?”

“Renata.”

Tomás closed his eyes for a second, as if I had struck him in the chest with a stone. When he opened them, he wasn’t exactly himself anymore. He was a version of him I had never known. And, for the first time in years, I didn’t care where he had kept it hidden.

I leaned in and whispered very close to his ear what Camila had said that night beneath the yellow bedside light. His whole body trembled. He slipped his hand beneath my sweatshirt, grabbed one of my tits, pinched my nipple until I moaned, and pushed me onto my back across the sofa. He yanked my legs open, moved my soaked panties aside, and buried his face in my cunt as if he had been waiting years for that permission. And outside, the rain began again.