The Night My Friend Stopped Having Doubts About Me

I’d been waiting for that weekend for weeks. It wasn’t a date, or anything like one. It was a two-day getaway to the coast with Daniela, my best friend, and even so I couldn’t stop thinking of it as if it were something more.

I met her two years earlier, at one of those group dinners where you don’t expect anything and end up finding everything. From the very first exchange of glances there was a current between us, that kind of chemistry that can’t be explained and isn’t chosen either. We became fast friends, the kind who tell each other things they don’t tell anyone else. We always went out surrounded by people, in a group, with her girlfriend or mine. Never alone.

That’s why, when I managed to convince her to get away the two of us, with nobody around, I could hardly believe it. She said yes with a smile that kept me turning it over in my head for days.

We made a playlist together, each of us adding our own songs, and left the city on a Friday afternoon with the windows down.

—I really wanted this —she said, with her feet up on the dashboard—. To truly switch off, without having to worry about a partner.

—That always happens —I answered—. You go to relax and in the end you spend the whole time making sure the other person is having a good time.

Daniela had a girlfriend, Marina, and I at the time was still in a relationship with Sofía that was growing dimmer by the day. Marina and Sofía didn’t especially get along, so I took advantage of a work trip Sofía had to organize the getaway. I was in that relationship almost out of inertia, not really sure why I was still there.

—And Marina doesn’t mind you coming with me? —I asked.

—No —she said, shrugging—. She knows perfectly well how we are. She knows I’m very lesbian. I guess if you were a girl, it would bother her more.

She said it laughing, but she let out a sigh at the end, one of those sighs that say more than the whole sentence.

***

The hotel was simple and clean. The room had two single beds, though someone had pushed them together and only the line in the sheets marked where one ended and the other began. We laughed at the coincidence and unpacked without giving it any more importance.

That same afternoon we went down to the beach. We found a secluded corner away from everyone, far from the umbrellas, and spread our towels over the still-warm sand. We took off our clothes until we were in our swimsuits and lay down to soak up the last rays of that summer.

I don’t really remember what we talked about. I only know that more than once my eyes drifted to her, to the curve of her breasts against the towel, to her back, and that it was impossible for her not to notice. I threw out a couple of hints, gentle ones, almost out of habit. She let them pass without biting, smiling out toward the sea.

—If I’m honest —I said at one point—, I think after this weekend I’m going to break up with Sofía.

Daniela sat up slowly, propping herself on one elbow.

—Seriously? I knew things weren’t good, but I didn’t expect this.

—I’m exhausted. I want to be next to someone who makes me feel something. It’s been a long time since I felt anything with her.

—I understand more than you think —she said, and lay back down—. It’s hard to admit something is over.

We kept at it for a long while, talking about what we wanted and what we no longer did, while the sun went down. She gave me no clue, no gesture I could latch onto, and I didn’t want to force anything. We went back to the hotel when it started to cool off.

***

We had a light dinner in the hotel restaurant and went up to the room. I still had the beach conversation stuck in my head, turning over whether I’d gone too far.

Daniela sat on the edge of the bed, legs crossed, her hair still damp and tied up in a loose bun.

—Can I ask you something? —she said, looking at me differently—. And I need you to be honest.

—Anything you want.

—This afternoon, at the beach. Was the staring accidental?

I stayed quiet for a second. I could lie, downplay it, dodge the question. I didn’t.

—No —I admitted—. I’ve been looking at you like that for a long time. For a lot longer than this trip.

She lowered her gaze to her hands. When she spoke again, her voice was low.

—You know what I haven’t told anyone? That sometimes I wonder what it would feel like. With you, I mean. I’ve never been with a man. And I’d never wanted to. Until you showed up and I started doubting things I was absolutely sure about.

I wasn’t expecting that honesty. And especially not that night.

—You don’t have to find out —I said carefully—. I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret tomorrow.

—I know —she answered—. That’s why I’m saying it now, with you, and not with a stranger. Because I trust you. —She paused—. Come here.

I moved closer slowly and sat beside her. The distance between us had become something physical, almost solid. I brushed a lock of hair from her face and she didn’t pull away. On the contrary, she closed her eyes for a moment, as if she’d been holding that in for a long time.

—If at any point you want to stop —I whispered in her ear—, we stop. You only have to say it.

—I know —she murmured—. I don’t want to stop.

***

I kissed her slowly, giving her all the time in the world to pull back. She didn’t. Her mouth answered with a curiosity that was almost a question, gentle at first, and then eager, fingers sinking into my hair. I could feel her breathing quicken against mine.

My hands found the hem of her T-shirt and she lifted her arms to help me take it off. The bedside lamp turned her skin golden. I looked at her for a second, all of her, before kissing her again.

—You’re beautiful —I told her, and I meant it.

—Shut up and keep going —she replied, laughing against my mouth, with none of her earlier shyness left.

I kissed her neck, her collarbone, the swell of her breasts. She sighed and arched her back, searching for my mouth, guiding me wordlessly toward where she wanted me. When I brushed her nipples with my tongue, she let out a low moan that raised every hair on my body.

—I didn’t know it would be like this —she gasped.

—Tell me what you like —I asked her—. I want to do it right.

—Keep going lower —she said, and gently pushed me downward.

I took off the rest of her clothes with slow kisses over her stomach. When I got between her legs, she was already wet, waiting for me. I tasted her slowly, first with my tongue flat, then finding the rhythm that made her writhe. She tangled her fingers in my hair and began moving her hips against my mouth.

—There, right there —she moaned—. Don’t stop.

I didn’t stop. I played with her clit, alternating tongue and lips, while she climbed higher and higher. I slid one finger into her, then two, slowly, feeling her close around them. Daniela clung to the sheets and arched her whole body.

—Adrián... —she said my name like no one had ever said it to me—. I’m going to come, don’t stop...

She came with a long tremor that ran through her legs, biting her lip so she wouldn’t cry out too loudly. When she opened her eyes, she looked at me with a mix of astonishment and desire I’d never seen in her before.

—Come here —she said, tugging me up toward her—. My turn now.

She pushed me until I was lying on my back and pulled my pants down with a new urgency. When she freed me, she looked at it for a moment, almost with the curiosity of someone exploring unknown territory, and then wrapped her hand around me.

—Tell me if I’m doing it right —she murmured—. I’ve never done this before.

—You’re doing great —I answered, my voice rough.

She kissed me slowly, first the tip, then taking me all the way in with a devotion that left me breathless. She didn’t have technique, she had something better: real desire, instinct, attention to every one of my reactions that was worth more than any experience.

—Stop —I said after a while, holding myself back—, or this will be over before it even starts.

She laughed, pleased with herself, and lay down beside me.

—I want to know what it feels like —she said, meeting my eyes—. With you. Slowly.

—Slowly —I repeated.

***

I positioned myself over her carefully, resting my weight on my elbows so I wouldn’t crush her. I parted her legs gently and eased into her little by little, watching every expression on her face, ready to stop at the first sign of discomfort.

—Are you okay? —I asked.

—Yes —she exhaled—. More. But slowly.

I moved forward millimeter by millimeter until we were completely joined. She let out the breath she’d been holding and dug her nails into my back, not from pain, but from something that overwhelmed her.

—God —she whispered—. I didn’t imagine it would be like this.

I started moving slowly, giving her time to get used to it, and when her body asked for more, I picked up the pace. She wound her legs around me and began to meet me, syncing with me as if we’d been doing this our whole lives.

—Don’t stop —she panted—. Please, don’t stop.

I kissed her as we moved together, swallowing her moans. At some point she took control, pushed me to lie on my back, and climbed on top. Seeing her like that, setting her own rhythm, her head thrown back and her hands braced on my chest, was the most beautiful thing of the whole night.

—Like this —she murmured to herself—. Just like this.

I caressed her breasts, her hips, guiding her without forcing anything on her. She rose and fell faster and faster, chasing her second orgasm, and I could barely hold on.

—I’m going to come again —she moaned—. Don’t stop...

—Me too —I said—. Tell me where.

—Not inside —she gasped, lucid even then—. Here, on top.

We came almost at the same time. She collapsed trembling against my chest, and I pulled out just in time, letting go against her stomach while she held herself against me. We stayed like that, tangled together, catching our breath, listening to the distant murmur of the sea through the half-open window.

—Well —she said at last, laughing between gasps—. That answers my question.

I laughed with her. There was no regret, nor the awkward silence I’d feared so much. Just two friends who had loved each other in a different way for one night, without anything breaking.

—And now what? —I asked softly.

—Now we sleep —she answered, settling against my chest—. And tomorrow we decide what to do with all this.

What came after that weekend is another story. But that night, in that room with two beds no one ever got around to separating, the two of us stopped having doubts.