My Cousin Ordered Me to Open My Mouth That Night
She was hiding something in her hand, and that smile promised nothing innocent. “Stick out your tongue,” she ordered, and I already knew I’d obey.
She was hiding something in her hand, and that smile promised nothing innocent. “Stick out your tongue,” she ordered, and I already knew I’d obey.
Carla appeared barefoot among the shadows of the garden, with that good-girl face that hid the most perverse girl I had ever known.
She swam toward me without looking away, and in the warm water of dusk I understood that what we had felt as kids had never really disappeared.
I arrived at the farm with my branded T-shirts and my city attitude. They had calloused hands, a sharp knife, and every intention of putting me in my place.
He always made the important decisions. So when he said he needed someone else in the house for those weeks, I knew it was already decided.
I always knew my mother was different from the others, but not until that morning did I understand how different, or how far I was willing to go.
I knew those two hadn’t invited me fishing just for the river. And if I’m honest, I hadn’t said yes just for the river either.
I pulled the curtain aside in fear, thinking they were burglars. What I saw in the patio left me breathless and trembling between my legs.
When she came out of the bathroom with her robe tied carelessly and her nipples pressing against the fabric, I knew I could never look at her as just the cousin from summer beach trips again.
Mariana asked me whether I’d ever been curious about kissing another woman. I answered with an impulse that changed what we were forever.
When we turned off the lights and climbed under the same blanket, I never imagined that silly question about kisses would end with her fingers seeking mine in the dark.
I never said this out loud. This is one of those things: what my cousin planned with me that January, without my realizing it until it was too late.
At three in the morning Andrés knocked on our door. What happened after that in the lower bunk was watched by my twin from the one above.
The first time I knelt before my cousin, I stopped being who I was. What came after changed my body forever.
Four years ago, her mother walked in just in time to stop the sin. This time, with everyone gone and the band booming below, no one was opening that door.
I never thought a scene in a game would ignite something between us, or that that same afternoon I’d have his taste in my mouth and his name looping in my head.
I had never touched myself. That afternoon, behind a badly closed door, I understood why my body had spent years asking me for something I never dared give it.
I knew the exact time she’d be back. I left the door ajar, turned off the light, and waited to hear her footsteps in the hallway before starting.
Every so often I’d type her name to see if I could find her. She never showed up. Until that morning, when the first result was her, exact, unmistakable.
I asked for a foot massage almost as a joke. I never imagined that night, by the fire and with wine in me, my father and my cousin would stop holding back.