Desire

While my husband was sucking on my breasts in front of the mirror, I was thinking about her and the body of the man we’d be having dinner with that night.

For twelve years I’d been fading in silence. That night I put on the dress he hated, left without saying a word, and came back changed.

Marina had spent months pretending not to look at him. That night, trapped between the cold glass and her boss’s heat, she stopped pretending.

It started with private jokes and ended with screenshots neither of us should ever have shown the other. She liked girls; I liked her audacity.

What we had lived in the shadows, hidden from everyone. It took me eleven months to understand that, for him, I had never been anything more than a game between friends.

We had whispered about it a thousand times and I never believed it would happen. But that night she knelt in the middle of the room and all I could do was sit and watch.

I don’t know who you are or where you are, but as I write this I imagine you reading me, and that idea is exactly what’s soaking my thong.

As soon as I heard her keys fighting the lock, I knew I’d have to play it cool. What I didn’t know was that she’d come home determined not to let me off the hook.

She stood in front of her bedroom door, holding her breath. One step more and reason would have burned away between us.

I lay naked on the table on purpose, not covering myself, just to see what he’d do when he came in with the hot oil.

Twenty years married, and each hid a secret of their own: him in strangers’ bathrooms, me not yet knowing what the yoga woman was about to awaken in me.

No one around me suspects it, but all day long I obey orders that exist only in my head... and I want more and more for them to become real.

I left work without underwear and with my blouse half-open. I only wanted to feel the air between my legs. I had no idea who I’d find in the train car.

It was six forty. She checked her watch, asked me to stop beside the alley, and before I could ask anything, she was already kissing me.

I joked that she should sleep with me that night. I never imagined that after midnight, my bedroom door would actually open.

With mascara running from my tears, she took my hand and led me upstairs, determined that what we felt would no longer be a secret.

I told him I just wanted to practice taking photos. It was a lie. What I really wanted was for him to finally look at me the way I’d been looking at him for weeks.

We were newbies and nervous, but that couple sitting at the back of the club looked at us like they already knew exactly what we’d come for.

I thought I was alone among the trees, until a crackling sound changed everything and I realized how badly I wanted someone to find me like that, naked and surrendered.

I ordered my first toy online so I wouldn’t die of embarrassment in the store. What I didn’t imagine was the delivery guy’s face when he handed me that box.