I Fulfilled My Dirtiest Fantasy Alone in the Woods

For months, I had been turning the same fantasy over in my mind, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I wanted to masturbate outdoors, completely naked, somewhere no one could see or bother me. Alone with the wind, the trees, and my own desire. I thought of several different places—a deserted cabin, the back seat of my car in an empty lot, even the terrace at home at three in the morning—until I came up with the perfect setting: a forest.

But I didn’t want just any masturbation session. If I was going to go on such an adventure, I wanted to make it special, with something different I’d never dared to try before. At first I thought about toys, but my collection isn’t much to speak of: an old vibrator and a heart-shaped plug I hardly ever use. Then the idea that made me wet instantly came to me while I was washing the dishes: fruits and vegetables. Things anyone might buy on an ordinary Thursday, but that in my hands were going to end up somewhere very different.

The day before, I went to the neighborhood supermarket. In the produce section, I took my time choosing each item as if I were putting together a recipe. One very thick banana, a long carrot with the leaves still attached, two firm cucumbers, half a dozen lemons, and a heavy, perfectly oval purple eggplant.

At the checkout, the girl gave my bag a sidelong glance and raised an eyebrow. “Are you making some special recipe?” she asked just to say something. I smiled, tapped my card against the reader, and told her yes, something special. If only she knew.

That night I barely slept. The bag was waiting in the refrigerator, and I was waiting in bed, with my hand between my legs, imagining every movement. The next afternoon I packed the bag, a blanket, a bottle of lubricant, and a towel into my backpack, got in the car, and set off. I drove for almost an hour to a forest on the outskirts that I knew from an old hiking trip. I parked on the shoulder, grabbed my backpack, and walked along a dirt path until I found a clearing surrounded by tall trees, so dense they barely let any light through.

I looked around. Nothing, no one. Just birds and the crunch of my own footsteps on the dry leaves.

I piled up a thick cushion of leaves so I wouldn’t have to rest my body directly on the ground, spread the blanket over it, and took everything out of my backpack. I lined up the fruits and vegetables on the ground, as if I were preparing an altar. I began to undress slowly. My shoes and socks first—I’ve always liked my feet, and I love feeling them bare—then my jacket, jeans, and T-shirt. I stayed in my underwear for a moment, my skin prickling in the cool air. Then off came my bra and panties.

Naked outdoors, in the middle of the forest, my nipples stiff from the cold and wetness already running down the insides of my thighs. I sat on the blanket with my legs crossed and took a deep breath. My heart was pounding as if I were about to do something forbidden, and deep down, that was exactly what it was: no one knew I was there, like that, with a bag full of vegetables beside me.

***

I grabbed the carrot first. Long and thick, with the green leaves still attached so I could hold it better. I poured lubricant from the tip halfway down, rubbed it with my hand to warm it a little, and lay back on the blanket. I spread my legs wide, ran my other hand over my clit to find out how wet I was—very, very wet—and started sliding it inside me.

At first, slowly, just the tip. The carrot was cold and firm, different from any cock, and that difference alone made me let out a short moan. I pushed it in little by little, feeling every inch make its way inside me. When it was halfway in, I began moving it, pulling it almost all the way out and plunging it back in, faster each time. With my free hand, I rubbed my clit in circles and played with my tits, pinching my nipples until they hurt.

I could hear my heavy breathing mingling with the birdsong. I was fucking myself with a carrot in the middle of the forest, and I couldn’t believe how soaked I was. When I yanked the carrot out, a hot stream burst out and splashed my thighs. I smiled. I was only getting started.

I switched to the banana. I peeled it slowly, my hands trembling, and pressed it against my soaked pussy before sliding it inside me. It went in soft, more elastic than the carrot, molding itself to me. I shoved it all the way in and started fucking myself hard, gripping the peeled skin as if it were a handle. With every thrust it grew a little softer, and I felt it breaking down inside me and turning into warm mush against my walls.

I moaned uncontrollably, my mouth open toward the sky, without a shred of shame because there was no one to hear me except the birds and myself. When the banana dissolved inside me, I pulled it halfway out and put a piece in my mouth. It tasted like fruit and like me, sweet and salty at once, and the combination made me even more aroused.

I wiped myself with the towel and grabbed the lemons. One by one, I pushed them into my pussy, squeezing around them to hold them in, then bearing down to expel them as if I were giving birth to them. They rolled across the blanket, glistening with my juices, and I pushed them back in, one after another, laughing to myself at how filthy I felt. I grabbed one and rubbed it over my nipples, pressing it against them until a few drops of its acidity made me scream when they reached my clit. That burning sensation, mixed with the pleasure, made me shove a finger into my mouth and bite it so I wouldn’t come too soon.

Then it was time for the cucumber. Cold, long, hard. I knelt on the blanket with my ass in the air and shoved it in all at once, without any extra lubricant—I didn’t need it anymore; I was dripping everywhere. The cucumber went all the way in and tore a cry from me that bounced off the trees. I began moving it with both hands, fucking myself so hard that the leaves beneath me crackled. With my free hand, I rubbed my clit at a frantic speed.

I pinched my tits, licked my fingers, masturbated like a madwoman, moaning broken words I couldn’t even understand myself. “More, more, more,” I heard myself say, alone in the forest. When the first orgasm hit, I yanked the cucumber out and arched over the blanket as a stream shot out of me, soaking my thighs, the blanket, and even the leaves around me.

I stayed there trembling for a few seconds, eyes closed, listening to myself breathe. Then I opened my eyes and looked at the eggplant.

That one was going to be difficult.

I lubricated it all over, warmed it with my hands, and squatted over the blanket with my knees spread wide. I pressed the tip of the eggplant against my ass, took a deep breath, and began lowering myself. At first it hurt. A lot. But it was a pain that turned me on, that made me grit my teeth and keep lowering myself. The eggplant forced its way inside me, and I felt it wrecking me in the best possible way.

When it was halfway in, I grabbed my knees and began bouncing slowly, rising and lowering myself over it. Each bounce drew a higher moan from me. I was squatting in a forest, hopping up and down on an eggplant buried in my ass, and just thinking about it drove me wild with arousal.

With one hand I squeezed my tits, and with the other I rubbed my clit. I bounced faster and faster, feeling the eggplant entirely inside me, and at some point I lost track of how long I had been doing it. The second orgasm hit me all at once and shook my entire body; my legs gave out, and I fell to my knees on the blanket with the eggplant still inside me. It took me a while to pull it out.

***

I wasn’t finished. Not even close.

I lay back again, legs raised and spread wide, and grabbed the carrot in one hand and the mashed banana in the other. I pushed the banana into my pussy and the carrot into my ass at the same time. With both hands, I began moving them together, fucking myself double, screaming louder and louder. The carrot went so deep that only the leaves were left outside. The banana splattered inside me. I felt dirty, filthy, completely lost, and I loved it.

When I pulled out the banana, I brought it to my mouth and took a bite. It tasted like me, like my juices, like mashed fruit. I ate the whole thing while continuing to move the carrot in my ass with my other hand. I had never felt so filthy, so animal, so free.

Then came the cucumbers, one in each hole. I screamed when I felt them both enter together. My legs were pointed toward the sky, my mouth open, moaning senseless words, biting my lip until I drew blood. I fucked myself like that for a while, with both cucumbers, until I pulled them out suddenly and ran them over my lips, sucking up my own juices.

I finished the way I had started: alone, using my hand, rubbing my clit at top speed and pushing the lemons into my ass one after another. When I reached my third orgasm, I arched, screamed, and lay there on the blanket for a long while, trembling, eyes closed and wearing a stupid grin.

When I came back to myself, I knelt and expelled everything I had inside me. The lemons rolled across the leaves, gleaming and warm. I put all the remains—the fruits, the vegetables, the stained blanket, and the towel—into a black bag.

Before getting dressed, I took the heart-shaped plug out of my backpack, coated it with lubricant, and slid it into my ass. I closed my eyes as I felt it enter all the way. Then I dressed slowly: panties, bra, jeans, T-shirt, jacket, socks, shoes.

I walked back to the car with the plug inside me and a smile I couldn’t wipe off my face. I threw the bag into the first dumpster I found on the way to the highway and drove home with the radio playing softly, feeling brand-new.

I had been imagining that fantasy for months. Reality, as it so often is, was even better.