My New Toys Made Me Lose Control

It’s been a while since I sat down to write something so much my own. I’d been busy, distracted, with my head in a thousand things that don’t matter right now. But this week something happened that I need to tell, because if I keep it to myself I think I’m going to explode, and I’d rather let it out here, where nobody knows my real name and I can be completely honest.

It all started with a box. One of those brown, anonymous boxes with no visible sender, the kind you know perfectly well what’s inside even if the outside says nothing. I found it leaning against the door when I got home from work, and my pulse sped up before I even touched it.

For weeks I’d been fantasizing about treating myself. I’d looked at it a thousand times on the screen, at night, with the lights off and my cunt already wet before I’d even finished opening the website. A two-piece combo. One had a strange, fantasy-like shape, with a wide base and pronounced ridges that promised things I didn’t even dare say out loud to myself. The other was more classic, but it vibrated, and that was enough to make me hit the buy button without thinking too much.

That’s it. No turning back.

I carried the box upstairs hidden under my coat, as if I were hauling a five-kilo secret. My roommate was home, so I had to play it cool, smile, answer the usual questions about how my day had gone while the box burned inside my bag. I ate dinner without being hungry. I washed the dishes slowly. I waited.

***

When I finally heard her shut her bedroom door, I locked myself in mine with almost ridiculous care. I slid the bolt twice. I lowered the blind. I turned on only the little lamp on the bedside table, that warm orange light that makes everything feel more intimate than it is.

I opened the box with hands that were shaking a little. And there they were, the two of them, wrapped in plastic, gleaming under the lamp. I took them out with that mix of shame and heat I can’t explain, that feeling of being about to do something nobody gave me permission to do and that, precisely for that reason, made me unbelievably hot.

The first one I picked up was the classic one, the vibrating one. I switched it on just to test it and the buzz surprised me with how strong it was. I turned it off at once, afraid it might be heard through the wall, and I stayed still for a few seconds, listening. Nothing. Silence. The whole house was asleep and I was awake, sitting on my bed with two new toys and all the time in the world.

The other one intimidated me more. Its strange shape, its ridges, that base that widened in a way that made me cross my legs just looking at it. I ran my fingers over it, feeling every pronounced vein, every groove, imagining that strange cock splitting me open. I swallowed.

Am I really going to do this?

Yes. I was going to do it.

***

I undressed slowly, not out of sensuality but because my body felt heavy with pure anticipation. I stretched out on the sheets and let the cool air in the room raise goosebumps on my skin. My nipples were so hard they hurt before I’d even touched them. I’d spent weeks imagining this moment, and now that it was here I didn’t want to rush it.

I started with myself. One hand came up to my tits and I pinched a nipple hard, tearing a gasp out of myself that I swallowed immediately. I squeezed my breasts, kneaded them, played with the tips until they turned red and sensitive. The other hand moved down slowly, tracing circles over my stomach, delaying on purpose, making me wait. By the time I finally reached my cunt I was already soaked, so much that it surprised me: my fingers slid between my lips as if nothing, gliding through a thick wetness that smeared all the way to the insides of my thighs. I closed my eyes and breathed. The room smelled like me, like an excited cunt, like desire held back for too long.

I parted my lips with two fingers and stroked my clit with the pad of my middle finger, barely brushing it, feeling it throb beneath my fingertip. I slid one finger in, then two, and felt my cunt clench around them greedily, sucking them deeper, asking for more. I pulled them out shiny with slick, took them to my mouth, and sucked them slowly, tasting myself, while my other hand was already reaching for the toy.

I took some of the lubricant I’d bought with the combo, a gel that warmed with the slightest friction, and spread it over the classic vibrator, running my hand up and down it, jerking it off as if it were a real cock. I turned it on at the lowest setting, that soft vibration that’s more promise than anything else, and held it against my clit without putting it in yet. Just the contact tore a moan from me that I had to smother against the back of my own hand. I ran it over my slit, wetting it with my own slick, nudging it just barely between my lips and pulling it out again, torturing myself all on my own.

I slid it in slowly. Centimeter by centimeter, feeling my cunt give way, open to swallow it, feeling the vibration spread everywhere like ripples on water. I had to bite the pillow. Not from pain, but because the moan rising in my throat was too big to keep silent, and silence was mandatory. I started working it in and out with my wrist, fucking myself first in a slow rhythm, then faster, listening to the wet, obscene sound my cunt made every time it swallowed it whole.

I moved with it for minutes that felt eternal and fleeting at the same time. I turned the intensity all the way up and almost came right then and there, so I dropped it suddenly and ended up panting, thighs trembling open wide. I played with the rhythm, pulling back from the edge every time I felt myself nearing it, because I didn’t want to finish yet. I wanted to stretch that tension until it hurt. I would pull the vibrator all the way out, see it shining with my slick, drag it over my clit until my eyes rolled back, and then shove it back in to the base.

***

And then I looked at the other one, the one that scared me, waiting its turn on the sheet.

I took it in my free hand. I lubed it up slowly, watching the gel slide over its ridges, gather in every groove, drip from the tip. Without the vibrator I’d never have had the courage, but I was already lit up, already past the point of caring about modesty somewhere in the last few minutes, and all I felt was an enormous urge for that strange cock to open me all the way.

I pulled the vibrator out of my cunt with a wet sound and left it resting on my stomach, still buzzing softly. I placed the tip of the other one between my lips and pushed a little. Its shape felt completely different, every ridge marking its path in a way the classic one, so smooth, couldn’t. At first I tried carefully, stopping when my body asked me to, backing off, trying again. Each time I let it go in a little farther, until I felt the first thick ridge pass the ring and tear a rough moan out of me that I had to smother against my shoulder.

The first time I tried it with protection, but the sensation was dulled, distant, like touching through a glove. So I left it bare and tried again, feeling the naked silicone scrape every inch of my walls, and the difference took my breath away.

I want to pause here, because it matters: the fact that with a personal, properly sanitized toy I choose to forgo protection does not mean you should do the same with a real person. The toys are mine and mine alone. A partner is not. Don’t take risks for a sensation. End of aside, back to what matters.

***

Feeling each ridge mark its way through me was something new, almost overwhelming. Every time I pushed it in I felt the grooves rasp me in the most delicious way, and when I pulled it out it was as if I were tugging from inside. I had to go slowly, getting used to it, letting my cunt decide the pace. In a few minutes I was taking it to the wide base, dripping wet, mouth open and hair stuck to my forehead. With my other hand I reached for the vibrator that had been left buzzing on my stomach, and then I came up with the idea that finally drove me insane.

Both at once.

The vibrating one in my ass, the ridged one in my cunt. At first even the thought seemed like too much, but I was already gone, already unrecognizable from the woman who’d been pretending at dinner a few hours earlier. I lay on my back with my knees bent and spread wide, coated the vibrator in lubricant until it was dripping, and with my other hand I held the ridged one planted deep in my cunt. I took a deep breath, pressed the tip of the vibrator against my ass, and pushed.

At first it resisted. My asshole clenched, refusing to give, but I kept at it patiently, twisting the tip, wetting it more, pressing in millimeter by millimeter until I felt it yield and swallow it in one quick gulp. I cried out into the pillow. I had never had both openings full at the same time and the sensation was so brutal that for a moment I thought I wouldn’t be able to take it.

When I could breathe again, I started moving them. I pulled them both out together, almost to the tip, and shoved them back in together, feeling them touch through the thin wall separating the two holes, feeling them press against each other inside me. I turned the vibrator to maximum and the vibrations shot through my ass, my cunt, everything. The textured cock on one side, the firm vibration on the other, both sensations crashing together in the center of me until they became one huge, impossible thing to contain. My thighs were shaking. My forehead was beaded with sweat and the sheets beneath me were soaked with my slick. I bit the pillow so hard my jaw hurt the next day.

I brought my hand to my clit and started rubbing it in small, fast circles, while keeping both toys buried where they were, moving them just enough to keep scraping me from the inside. And that was the end. I felt everything tighten, my whole body preparing to let go, that cord stretching and stretching until suddenly it couldn’t hold anymore.

The orgasm split me in two. My cunt clamped down in spasms around the ridged toy, squeezing it so hard I could barely move it, and my ass did the same with the vibrator, sucking it deeper into me. I felt a hot wave soak my thighs, the sheet, everything, and I knew I had just squirted for the first time in my life. I had to bury my whole face in the pillow so the scream wouldn’t go through the wall. I stayed there shaking, with the toys still jammed inside me, too weak to move, listening to my own ragged breathing in the dark and the last vibrations still rippling through me from the inside.

***

I stayed like that for a very long time, on my back, legs still open and the two toys shining between my thighs, staring at the ceiling with that delicious empty feeling that comes afterward. When I finally pulled them out, one after the other, each one tore one last low moan from me. The lamp was still on. The house was still silent. Nobody had heard a thing. And I had discovered an entire world in a brown, senderless box.

After that I cleaned everything carefully, put them away, turned off the light. I fell asleep almost instantly, with a silly smile I still get when I remember that night.

The funny thing is that now I can’t stop thinking about what comes next. I already have an idea circling in my head, one that embarrasses me a little to confess even here, but that I’ll probably end up doing one of these nights. If I’m brave enough, I’ll tell you how it went.

Before I sign off, I’m leaving you with my question of the day, the one that’s been going round and round in my head ever since: do you think it’s worth keeping on exploring, or is there a point where one gets lost too much in one’s own fantasies?

Honestly, I no longer know where that point is. And to be honest, I’m not in much of a hurry to find it.

Thanks for reading me this far. See you in the next confession.