The Fantasy I Kept to Myself in the Sauna

I’d been dragging my body around all week. Too much work, too much gym, too many nights of too little sleep. My shoulders were knotted up and I had a dull ache low in my back that even a hot shower couldn’t dissolve. So that Friday afternoon, while I stared up at the living room ceiling with no desire to move, it occurred to me that the building sauna might be exactly what I needed.

It was one of those building amenities almost nobody used. You reserved it for an hour, it was private, and by that point in the week the chances of anyone else asking for it were slim to none. Heat, steam, silence. The idea seemed perfect. And maybe I don’t have to be alone.

She thought of Daniel. She knew he was exhausted too, that he’d been dragging around a bad back for days. A bit of heat would do him just as much good. She hesitated for a moment with her phone in hand, not knowing how he’d take the invitation. But after turning it over and over in her head, she went for it.

—I’ve been thinking about trying out the building sauna to loosen up my muscles. Want to join me? —she wrote, and hit send before she could talk herself out of it.

She stared at the screen, her thumb poised to delete the message. She thought maybe it was too much, too obvious. But they’d talked about it once before, how ugly the trace of a “message deleted” looked, that mark that gave away more than any word could. So she left it there, exposed, with no safety net.

She had planned to go down at seven, alone or accompanied. It was barely three. There was plenty of time for an answer.

At four the first one came.

—Mmm… sounds interesting… will there be anyone else?

—Haha, no. It’s reserved, so it’ll be private —she replied.

She smiled as she typed. It was obvious he’d read between the lines, that the invitation had slid into different territory. And wasn’t that, deep down, what she wanted? Her phone buzzed again.

—And are there cameras?

She felt the heat rise in her cheeks, a nervous laugh slipping out on its own, that anticipation tightening her stomach.

—Mmm… no. It’s private.

—Even better.

And beneath it, a little devil face.

Great answer. This is promising. Time to lock the plan in.

—I booked it for seven. Are you coming with me?

—Let me sort out my afternoon and I’ll let you know.

Wonderful. The plan was to relax, but with company it would be something else. She put the phone face down and tried to read for a while, though every few minutes she turned it over again to check the screen. Nothing.

Six. Six-thirty. Quarter to seven. Nothing.

***

At seven, just as she’d planned, she went down. She wasn’t going to change her plans because he hadn’t replied. She sent one last message, almost out of formality: “Coming down. I’ll wait for you.” She knew Daniel never showed up unannounced. He always warned her, they always agreed on the time beforehand. So that door, she thought, wouldn’t open for anyone but her.

She took only a towel and a tiny bottle of sauna oils. Before going in, she made sure the door separating the sauna and the bathroom from the rest of the gym was firmly shut. She undressed slowly, left her clothes folded on the bench outside, and went in wrapped in the towel, the heat hitting her face at once.

Since she was alone, she chose the best spot: the upper bench, where the heat was thickest. She settled into a corner, rested her head against the wood, and stretched out full length. From there she could see the little window in the door, and that view made her feel strangely safe. No one was going to come in without her noticing.

She closed her eyes. Let the steam cover her, let the weight of the week slide down the back of her neck. The sauna was really hot and very soon she started to sweat. She could feel her arms and legs growing damp, the drops rolling slowly beneath the towel, over her sternum, between her breasts. She pulled the fabric open just a little, to let the air circulate.

And when she did, she thought of him.

She thought about how different everything would be if Daniel were there. She imagined finding a way to settle in front of him so he could get a good look at her, and so she could look at him too. She liked his body, liked it far too much. She pictured him sweating on the bench across from her, his skin shining in the dim light, his chest rising and falling slowly with the heat.

She imagined opening her legs just a little, as if by accident, just enough for him to understand. Letting the towel slide down to uncover her nipples, which were already starting to harden. And she imagined he did the same, that he pulled his own towel aside a little, pretending to be distracted, and of course she noticed, and couldn’t stop looking at how hard he was getting.

There, with her eyes closed, knowing she was alone, knowing no one could see her, she let her hand drift down on its own. She found the edge of the towel, moved it aside, and her fingers reached the place that was already wet and waiting. She started to move them slowly, parting, tracing, until she found the swollen clit that seemed to be begging to be touched. She imagined it was his hands, big and firm, seeking her out.

She was thinking about Daniel while she did it. Thinking about how much she wanted him to see her, how much she enjoyed the idea of seducing him, provoking him, inviting him into her body without saying a single word. With her other hand she barely brushed her nipples, now fully hard, and imagined it was his mouth catching them, sucking them, biting them right to the edge.

She let one finger slide inside, curious to feel her own wetness, and let out a sharp breath. She imagined him in front of her, watching her, enjoying seeing her touch herself for him. She imagined opening the towel all the way to make room for his already hard cock, how she’d begin to stroke herself in time with what she was seeing, the two of them holding each other’s gaze without touching.

She was completely surrendered to the fantasy. Her fingers moved faster and faster, feeling the wetness increase as her arousal climbed, imagining him, his strong, lean body, sweat-soaked skin, eyes fixed on her. The two of them touching themselves in that shared scene that existed only in her head, teasing each other, playing, stretching the moment out like neither wanted it to end.

She deliberately slowed down a little, prolonging the sensation, playing at denying herself the finish. It was a game she could only play with herself, but that afternoon, with the image of Daniel so vivid behind her eyelids, it felt almost like something they were doing together. She could hear him in her head, his low voice telling her not to stop, to keep going like that, to let him watch.

She picked the pace back up. Her fingers slipped on their own, the wetness making every movement easier, and the sauna heat amplified everything: the throb at her temples, the sweat running down her neck, the heavy air filling and emptying her chest. She imagined him finally coming over, leaving the bench across from her and kneeling before her, replacing her hand with his.

A wave rose up from her belly. She arched her back slightly, biting her lip so she wouldn’t make a sound, completely lost in the image of him watching her.

***

Until something changed.

A shadow crossed the little window in the door. It took her a second too long to register it, and when she did, she opened her eyes in a jolt. She yanked the towel up to cover herself and sat up in one leap, heart racing, shame and shock rushing up her throat before she could think a single word.

She didn’t get to say anything.

The door opened. And there was Daniel, naked, completely aroused, his cock hard, exactly as she had been imagining him only a moment before. He rested one shoulder against the frame and looked at her with a calm that completely undid her.

—Don’t you want to share your fantasy with me? —he said softly.

She didn’t know what to answer. She felt caught out, exposed in a way she never had before. He had seen her touching herself thinking about him, about his body, his hands, his mouth, and she didn’t feel able to admit it out loud. But to him, the scene was nowhere near uncomfortable; he was delighted. And that certainty, of being desired right in her most vulnerable moment, loosened something inside her.

—Mmm… —she began, half aroused, half nervous, still clutching the towel to her chest—. I was imagining you were here, with me. That I was touching myself for you, to turn you on. And that you were enjoying it. Imagining you turned on by me put me through the roof.

—I’ve been watching you for a while —he replied, without moving from the threshold—. And yes, it’s wonderful. Seeing you like this, not knowing you’re being watched, seeing how sensual you are and how much you enjoy it. —He glanced down at himself for a moment and then looked back at her—. That’s the result.

The sauna air had turned thick, almost unbreathable with tension. She let her gaze travel over him without pretending anymore, lingering where she had only been able to imagine before. Daniel finally stepped inside and let the door close softly behind him.

She slid down to the lower bench, let the towel fall without shame, and pulled him toward her. She took him in her hand, feeling his weight and heat against her palm, and guided him slowly to her mouth, looking up from below so she wouldn’t miss a single expression on his face.

The fantasy was over. Now she could have him for real.