The Night I Masturbated Thinking About Rocco

August. One-thirty in the morning. The heat made it impossible to breathe in the bedroom, and no matter how far I raised the blinds, the air remained still. Diego was sleeping beside me, facedown, the sheet tangled around his waist, his naked body glistening faintly with sweat.

I couldn’t sleep. I turned over and watched him. I was watching his ass, to be precise. A great ass. Firm, round, with that curve that had driven me crazy from the very first day. When we fucked, I liked digging my nails into it and pushing him against me, all the way in. I reached out and stroked it gently, first with my knuckles, then with my open palm.

Diego sighed in his sleep and rolled over without opening his eyes. Now I could see his cock. It wasn’t huge, but it was thick, and it filled me completely every time I had it inside me. My mouth watered. I imagined sliding down the sheet, taking hold of it and slowly putting it in my mouth, sucking the tip first, playing with my tongue around the frenulum, gagging a little when he pushed it farther in.

If he wakes up, he’ll never forgive me tomorrow.

Diego had to be at work at seven. I’d already earned myself a scolding the week before for getting him hard at three in the morning with my hand inside his underwear. I held back.

I rolled onto my back and spread my legs beneath the sheet. My fingertips began at my shaved lips, barely brushing them. I ran one finger slowly along the entire slit and felt the heat rising from there, a heat that climbed my back and reached the nape of my neck. I was wet. Very wet. I slipped two fingers in to the second knuckle, pulled them out shining, and brought them up to my clitoris, tracing tiny circles.

I moaned loudly. I turned over onto my stomach, my head facing away from Diego to muffle any noise. I bent my right leg slightly, slid my right hand beneath my belly, and found the perfect position. My pussy throbbed against my palm. I pushed two fingers inside again, moved them around for a while, and kept rubbing my clitoris with my thumb, pressing harder and harder.

I needed a scene. A memory. Something to take me all the way under.

And it came on its own. As if it had been waiting in a drawer, ready. Rocco.

***

Rocco was my brother Ignacio’s best friend. Four years older than me. They both played basketball, went to the same high school, and went out together on Saturdays. At home, he was a constant presence, a huge guy slipping into my brother’s room to study and then going out for drinks.

I was twenty-one when I finally decided I was going to fuck him.

Rocco was nearly six foot three. His blond hair reached his shoulders, he had green eyes, and the disarming smile of a guy straight out of some cheesy afternoon American TV show. He worked as a bartender at a tiny pub downtown, the Red Oak, to pay for college. My best friend, Camila, and I talked about him as if he were a god; we died laughing fantasizing about which of us would get him into bed first.

In the end, it was the brave one.

We put the plan together over two nights. It was Sunday. We knew Rocco closed up alone around four. His girlfriend, a blonde named Andrea, wouldn’t show up that day because she had a double shift the next day. We’d ditch our friends. Camila would stay with me until the very last minute, then disappear.

We spent the whole night there, doing tequila shots and laughing with the group. At one point, when they played an old song, Camila and I did a close dance, almost lesbian, with a long, deep kiss that left the entire bar silent. I did it for him. Rocco watched us from behind the bar, drying a glass very slowly, and I knew he was undressing me with his eyes.

When the group went to the Blue Fox, Camila and I waited forty minutes and came back.

—What are you doing here? —Rocco asked, closing the register.

—We were tired —Camila said.

—We came to help you close up —I said, staring straight at him.

—One last shot?

—Okay —I answered quickly.

—I’m leaving, I have work tomorrow —Camila announced, winking at me as she climbed down from the stool.

Rocco walked her to the door, pulled down the shutter, and locked it. When he turned to look at me, I already knew what was going to happen. And so did he.

He walked slowly toward me. I was leaning against the corner of the bar, my miniskirt raised an inch by the movement, my heart pounding in my throat. He grabbed my waist with both hands, moved me aside slightly to get past, and instead of passing, stayed there, pressed against me. He smelled my hair. He brushed his lips along my jaw without kissing me.

—Follow me —he said in my ear.

He grabbed two empty Coca-Cola crates and opened a door beside the bathrooms. The storeroom. He switched on the light, a warm yellow bulb. He shut the door with his foot.

I threw myself at his neck. I bit his lower lip before thrusting my tongue deep into his mouth, and he returned the kiss with both hands spread over my ass, squeezing it hard and lifting me slightly off the floor. I felt his hard cock against my belly through his jeans, and a moan escaped into his mouth.

He slipped his hand beneath my shirt, unclasped my bra, and grabbed an entire breast. My tits were small, and very sensitive. When he pinched my nipple between his forefinger and thumb, my knees went weak. He began playing with both of them, squeezing and tugging, and I arched against his hand, begging for more.

He pulled away for a second to take off his shirt. I kissed his chest, his stomach, and without thinking much about it, dropped to my knees. I looked up at him while he undid his belt. He yanked down his pants and underwear, and his cock sprang free, hard and glistening at the tip.

At that moment it seemed enormous to me. Later I learned it was an ordinary cock, thick but ordinary. But it was the first one I’d ever had near my mouth, and I didn’t know what to do. I brought it to my lips, gripped it at the base with one hand, and tried to take the whole thing in at once. I nearly choked.

—Easy —Rocco said, chuckling softly—. Slowly. Like a lollipop. With your lips and your tongue.

I did as he said. I closed my lips around the tip and began to suck it, circling the head with my tongue, following the rim. I pulled it out of my mouth and ran my tongue along its entire length, from the base to the top, then put it back in, a little deeper each time. It tasted of hot skin and a salty, sticky fluid that disgusted me a little and at the same time was soaking my panties.

—That’s it, that’s it —he whispered, placing his hand on the back of my neck—. Suck me just like that.

He set the pace with his hand in my hair. I moved my head back and forth; saliva streamed from the corner of my mouth and dripped down my chin onto my cleavage. I felt like I was behaving like a slut, and the feeling was glorious. At one point he grabbed my head with both hands and began slowly fucking my mouth, thrusting himself in, a little deeper each time. I put my hand around the base of his cock to stop him when he reached my throat.

—Fuck, you suck so well… —he panted.

His breathing quickened. I felt his whole body tense. He sped up for a couple more seconds, and suddenly a hot release filled my mouth. I tried to swallow and couldn’t. I began coughing, and he had to pull out and finish himself off with his hand over my tits, spattering cum across my nipples. I closed my eyes. I was trembling.

—Is this the first cock you’ve ever sucked? —he asked, with a little smile I couldn’t tell whether I resented or found even hotter.

I didn’t answer. I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth and stood up, my tits still covered in his come, my skirt bunched around my waist, looking at him defiantly.

—You have a delicious mouth —he said, grabbing me by the waist—. Now it’s your turn.

He took off my shirt and bra. He wiped the semen away with his own shirt, smiling, and kissed my tits, sucking my nipples one by one, biting them until I made a soft cry. Then he laid me on my back on top of a wooden table and hiked up my miniskirt. He looked at my underwear and grinned even wider.

—You’re going to remember this night for the rest of your life.

He tore my panties aside and buried his face between my legs without preliminaries. His tongue traveled up my slit from bottom to top, and I arched my back against the wood. He opened my lips with two fingers and sucked my clitoris with his whole mouth, moving his tongue rapidly in circles.

Goddamn.

I grabbed his long hair with both hands and pushed his head against my pussy. He laughed against me and kept eating me hungrily, changing the rhythm, giving me long licks and then short sucks, thrusting his tongue inside me, pulling it out to return to my clitoris. He slid two fingers inside me and kept sucking, curling them as he searched for the spot that made me writhe. Within a minute I was about to explode. I tried to hold back, to keep it from happening so fast, but it was impossible.

I covered my mouth with both hands and came in a long, long, long tremor, squeezing his head between my thighs, my hips moving on their own against his face. It took me a while to loosen up. When I could finally breathe, he was still kissing my inner thigh, waiting.

I propped myself up a little. Rocco already had a hard-on again, pointing at me. He smiled with a calmness that raised gooseflesh on my skin.

—Be careful —I whispered.

—Relax.

He lifted me off the table. He turned me around and made me brace my elbows on the wood, my ass raised, my legs spread. I felt the tip of his cock sliding over my soaked pussy, searching for the entrance. He ran it along my whole slit a couple of times, getting it nice and wet.

—Wait, wait —I said, my voice trembling—. It’s my first time, Rocco.

He went still for a second. Then he squeezed my hips with both hands.

—I’ll go slow.

And he pushed. Little by little, millimeter by millimeter, feeling each time another piece entered. He met the resistance of my hymen and stopped.

—This is the spot.

—Wait. It hurts. It won’t fit, Rocco.

—It will fit. Breathe.

I breathed. One short, sharp thrust, and I felt him open me from the inside. A sharp pain, then a hot burn. I bit my forearm to keep from screaming. He stayed still, inside me, waiting for me to get used to him.

—There. It’s all the way inside now.

He began moving slowly, back and forth, one hand on my hip. At first it hurt and I asked him to go slowly; a minute later it no longer hurt, and after two minutes I was pushing my ass backward every time he thrust forward, wanting him deeper. He sped up. He grabbed my hair with one hand and my shoulder with the other and began fucking me hard, with dry thrusts that made me slam against the table.

—Rocco… Rocco…

—Fuck, you’re so tight, fuck, fuck…

It didn’t last long. He thrust three or four more times, very fast, and suddenly buried himself to the hilt and filled me with a hoarse growl. I felt the heat of his come inside me, pulsing, and I also felt something of my own let go, a second weak wave, almost dizzying.

Rocco stayed pressed against my back for a few seconds, panting against my neck. Then he kissed my shoulder and pulled out slowly.

***

I was about to come on my own hand in bed, with Diego snoring softly beside me. The memory had taken me straight to the edge. I clenched my teeth against the pillow. My fingers moved quickly, without stopping, my clitoris swollen and slippery.

When I came, I bit the fabric and screamed into it. A long, long, long surge ran through me, from my pussy to the tips of my toes. Everything went hazy. I clenched my stomach and felt myself soak my hand, my thigh, and the sheet.

I lay still on my stomach, breathing into the pillow, my hand still between my thighs and my whole body gradually relaxing. Diego was still asleep, unaware.

I smiled against the pillowcase. Sometimes I felt guilty remembering Rocco after so many years, with a good man beside me. But then I thought it was only a memory, an old movie stored in a drawer for the nights when it was too hot and a woman couldn’t sleep.

I pulled out my hand, sucked my fingers, and closed my eyes. Before I fell completely asleep, I managed to caress Diego’s ass one last time, in silence.