Renata Gave My Body Back to Me That Dawn

The fever had left her on the edge of her eyelids. Valeria breathed slowly, sunk into sheets that smelled of Renata, and still couldn’t tell whether she had been there for two hours or two days. The bedroom window framed a charcoal-colored sky. It was raining. It always rained when the world came crashing down on her.

She had reached the building on foot through the storm, the news of the funeral still stuck in her ear and the sensation of unfamiliar hands on her waist. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to remember Dr. Cárdenas leaning over her in the hospital corridor, wearing that smile of someone who knew too much. When Sofía opened the lobby door for her, Valeria barely managed to say her name before collapsing.

“You’re safe,” she heard now, far away, unable to tell whether it was a real voice or an echo of the fever.

She opened her eyes with difficulty. The dim light came from a lamp with a beige shade. Sofía was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hair gathered in a loose braid, running a damp cloth across Valeria’s forehead. She wasn’t Renata. Not yet.

“Where is she?” Valeria asked, and her throat burned as if she had gone a month without swallowing anything that wasn’t ash.

“She went out to take care of something. She’ll be back in an hour.” Sofía smiled, and that smile was the only warm thing in the entire room. “In the meantime, you’re staying with me. Are you thirsty?”

Valeria nodded. Sofía brought a glass to her lips. She drank in small sips. The water went down her throat like a knife and, at the same time, returned a part of the body she had thought lost.

“How long have I been here?”

“All night. Renata carried you to the elevator. You had almost forty degrees of fever. You said strange things in your sleep.”

“What things?”

Sofía looked at her a moment too long before answering.

“You begged no one to touch you.”

Valeria closed her eyes. The image of Dr. Cárdenas came back like a hard blow: her chin held in his gloved hand, his breath smelling of tobacco, the stolen kiss in the hospital corridor before she could understand that they had just told her her mother was dead. She hadn’t told anyone. She had no intention of doing so. But her body had spoken for her in her dreams.

“Don’t tell Renata,” she murmured.

“I’m not the one who has to tell her.”

***

Renata arrived earlier than expected. Valeria heard the apartment door, the firm footsteps in the hallway, the rustle of her jacket as she hung it on the coat rack. Each sound assembled her from the inside, piece by piece, as if her girlfriend carried Valeria’s body in her pockets and was slowly giving it back to her.

When Renata entered the bedroom, she did so without hurrying. She wore the dark uniform of her unit, her shirt unbuttoned at the neck and her straight hair falling over her shoulders. She had that way of looking that asked nothing and understood everything. She sat on the edge of the bed, where Sofía had just been, and took Valeria’s hand carefully, as if lifting something made of glass.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Valeria replied, her voice breaking on that single syllable.

“You don’t have to talk. Just breathe.”

Valeria tried. She inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. The air tasted of Renata’s cologne, something citrusy, something like warm wood. It took all her strength not to cry. Guilt weighed on her more heavily than the fever.

“I thought you wouldn’t want to see me anymore.”

Renata leaned toward her and kissed her forehead. Slowly. As if asking permission. Then she brushed her lips over Valeria’s temple, then her cheek, and finally the corner of her mouth. When she reached her lips, Valeria parted them, and the kiss was barely a breath, a promise that she was there.

“Renata…”

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“There are things I haven’t told you.”

“I’ll listen when you’re able to say them. And if you can’t, that’s okay too.”

Valeria felt something break inside her. She wanted to confess everything: the doctor, the forced kiss, the cowardice of not pushing him away in time. But the words turned to stone. Instead, she took Renata’s hand and pressed it against her chest, right over her heart, so she could feel how wildly it was beating inside her.

“Stay.”

“I wasn’t planning to do anything else.”

***

The hours passed. At some point Sofía said goodbye, with that discretion of hers that left the air cleaner. When they were alone, Renata took off her boots, then her uniform shirt, and slipped beneath the sheets wearing a white T-shirt and the pajama pants she had taken from the drawer in the dark. She didn’t pressure Valeria. She didn’t say anything. She simply settled behind her, slipped an arm around her waist, and left her palm still on Valeria’s belly.

That stillness was what undid her.

Valeria hadn’t felt this way in months: her back pressed against another body, someone’s breath setting the rhythm at the nape of her neck. The fever had fallen enough that her skin no longer burned, but she was still sensitive, awake, able to notice the slightest change in the pressure of Renata’s fingers. When Renata breathed a little more deeply, Valeria felt the curve of her breasts against her shoulder blade, her nipples hardening beneath the white T-shirt, and the nape of her neck prickled.

“Are you uncomfortable?” Renata asked.

“No. Quite the opposite.”

“Then say so.”

Valeria turned beneath the arm holding her. They ended up face-to-face, their noses almost touching, the lamp leaving half of Renata’s face in shadow. Valeria ran a finger over her cheekbone, along the line of her jaw, over the small scar beneath her lower lip from an accident she had never wanted to tell Valeria about.

“I want you to make me yours again. I want you to fuck me until I can’t remember any other hand.”

“Are you sure?”

“I need to remember who touches me when the one touching me is you. I need your mouth, your fingers, your tongue. Everything.”

Renata watched her for a long moment, gauging whether the fever was speaking for her or whether she meant it. Then she kissed her mouth, this time with more intent, slowly slipping her tongue inside, seeking Valeria’s, and Valeria felt something inside her unlock like a door that had been stuck for far too long. Renata bit her lower lip, sucked it, then released it. Valeria moaned softly, a hoarse sound that scraped her dry throat.

The kiss was slow at first. Renata knew. She knew Valeria’s body was still tired, that any sudden movement might make her remember other hands. She kissed her lips, then the curve of her neck, then her collarbone, never moving her palm from Valeria’s belly. Every caress was a gentle command. Forget everything else. It’s only me here.

“Raise your arms,” Renata asked.

Valeria obeyed. The loose T-shirt Sofía had put on her before she woke came off in one motion. She was naked to the waist, her nipples tightening in contrast with the cool air in the room, two hard, dark points asking for a mouth. Renata propped herself on one elbow to look at her, and Valeria almost covered herself by instinct. Not from modesty. From guilt.

“Don’t hide.”

“I’m afraid you’ll see something different.”

“All I see is you. Just as beautiful. Just as mine. And I’m going to eat you whole until you believe me.”

Renata lowered her head and took one nipple between her lips. She circled it with her tongue, first in broad circles, then tighter ones, until she sucked the whole thing into her mouth. Valeria arched her back and dug her fingers into the nape of Renata’s neck to pull her closer. Renata moved to the other nipple, and this time she bit, barely, just enough to draw a gasp from her. She sucked Valeria’s breasts one after the other, coated them in saliva, nibbled at their sides, and ran her tongue through the hollow between them. Valeria sighed, and that sigh was the first clear sound to come from her throat in many hours.

“Like that,” she murmured. “Suck them like that.”

“They’re hard for me. They get like this every time I look at them.”

Renata’s hand moved down her side, caressed her hip, and circled her waist beneath the sheet. Each caress seemed to redraw the outline of a body the fever had made unfamiliar. She wrapped her whole palm around one breast, squeezed it, kneaded it, while continuing to suck the other. Valeria felt heat flowing down toward her belly, soaking her shorts, wetting her pussy in a way she could no longer hide.

“I missed you,” Valeria whispered.

“Me too. Every night. Every night I touched myself thinking of you.”

“You touched yourself?”

“I put two fingers inside and remembered your mouth. I came calling your name without making a sound.”

Valeria moaned harder at that confession than at the hand moving lower. When Renata’s fingers slipped beneath the waistband of her shorts, she held her breath. Not because she had doubts, but because the contrast was brutal: those long, familiar, expert fingers tracing a caress along the inside of her thigh, then a little higher, and finally parting the lips of her pussy with a delicacy that made her knees tremble. She was soaked. In that moment, fever and desire were indistinguishable. Renata ran her middle finger all along the slit, from bottom to top, gathering her juices, and brought it to her mouth.

“You’re dripping,” she said, lowering her hand again. “You’re like this for me, aren’t you?”

“For you. Only for you.”

“Say it. Tell me what you want.”

“I want you to put it inside me. I want your fingers inside. I want your tongue on my clit. I want to come in your mouth until it hurts.”

“Slowly,” Valeria asked, not because it hurt, but because she wanted to stretch every second.

“All the time in the world. I’ll make you cry with pleasure without rushing you.”

Renata drew a slow circle over her clitoris with the pad of her middle finger, sliding through the wetness. Valeria arched her back against the pillow. It was a caress she knew by heart, the same one her girlfriend had given her after months of dating, knowing when to press and when to ease the pressure. Renata alternated: two gentle circles, one firmer, another gentle circle, then a stroke along it with two spread fingers pinching the hood. Valeria closed her eyes. For the first time since the news from the hospital, her body wasn’t somewhere else. It was here. In that bed. In those fingers.

“Look at me,” Renata murmured. “Don’t close your eyes. I want you to see who’s touching you.”

Valeria opened her eyes. Renata was leaning over her, lips parted and eyes dark. They kissed while the fingers kept moving, and Valeria felt something settle into place in her chest, a piece that had been twisted for weeks. Renata slipped one finger inside her, up to the knuckle, slowly, letting her pussy swallow it on its own. Then she pulled out, went back in, pulled out again, slick with wetness. Valeria spread her legs wider, as wide as she could, to give her all the room she needed.

“Don’t stop,” she pleaded against her mouth.

“I have no intention of stopping. I’m going down to eat your pussy, and I won’t get up until you come twice.”

Renata yanked off her shorts, along with her panties, and threw them onto the floor. She slid downward. She kissed Valeria’s belly, her hip bone, the inside of her thigh. She bit the soft skin of her groin, leaving a pink mark. Then she spread Valeria’s legs with both hands, lifted them by the ankles, and rested them on her shoulders. Valeria lay open and exposed, her pussy gleaming beneath the beige light of the lamp.

“What a pretty pussy you have,” Renata murmured, blowing lightly over her clitoris before lowering her mouth.

When she placed her tongue between Valeria’s legs, Valeria let out a low moan, almost a sob. Renata began at the edges, licking her outer lips, sucking them one at a time, then parting them with her tongue and pushing inside. She ran her flat tongue along the entire slit, long and slow, from bottom to top, finishing at the clitoris with a wet, audible kiss. Valeria moaned, unable to keep quiet.

“Renata… Renata…”

“I’m here. I’m right here, eating all of you.”

Renata’s tongue was patient and generous, as if she were trying to give back everything the world had taken from Valeria over the past few weeks. She made circles on her clitoris with the tip, then sucked the whole thing between her lips, then let it go and thrust her tongue inside, fucking her with her mouth. Valeria grabbed her head with both hands, pressed her against her pussy, and tangled her fingers in her hair. She felt tears on her lashes. This time they weren’t from pain.

“Like that, like that, don’t stop, God, don’t stop…”

“Mmm.”

Renata’s moan against her flesh vibrated through her. The fingers slipped inside again, slowly, two this time, searching for her G-spot with their curled tips while her tongue continued drawing circles over the clitoris. Valeria began moving against her face, rocking her pelvis into Renata’s mouth, fucking it without thinking about anything else. Renata thrust her fingers in and out at a firm, wet, splashing rhythm, and the sound filled the room: Valeria’s ragged breathing, the smack of fingers entering her soaked pussy, Renata’s mouth sucking without pause.

“I’m going to come,” Valeria gasped. “Renata, I’m going to come in your mouth…”

“Come. Come all over me.”

Valeria lost all sense of time. Fever and pleasure blurred together, but it was no longer the confusion of before: now it was a good confusion, one that anchored her to reality instead of pulling her away from it. Her body tensed, her legs trembled, closing around Renata’s neck, and a long orgasm passed through her like a deep breath after holding in too much air. She came with a hoarse moan, wetting Renata’s mouth, squeezing her fingers inside with spasms she couldn’t control. Renata didn’t pull away. She kept licking her, more slowly now, easing the pace, sucking her clitoris gently to draw out the trembling until the final contraction.

“Don’t get up,” Valeria begged in a broken voice. “You said twice.”

“I said twice.”

Renata pulled out her fingers, sucked them one by one while looking into Valeria’s eyes, and lowered her mouth again. This time Valeria was so sensitive that the first brush of her tongue made her jump. Renata held her by the hips, keeping her firmly against the mattress, and started again, more slowly, more deeply. She slipped three fingers inside now, all the way in, and searched for the spot that made Valeria lose her mind. Valeria was trembling all over, nipples hard in the open air, skin prickling, mouth open as she searched for breath.

“I can’t take it, I can’t…”

“Yes, you can. You’re going to take it, and you’re going to come again for me.”

Renata’s fingers opened her, filled her, fucked her at a rhythm that gave her no respite. Her tongue remained fixed to the clitoris, licking quickly and without stopping, a constant tremor. Valeria felt the second orgasm building from deeper inside, from her belly, from a place she hadn’t opened in a long time. When it came, it split her in two. She screamed into the pillow, clutching Renata’s hair, her pussy squeezing her fingers with contractions that lasted an eternity. She came so hard that she spilled, wetting Renata’s hand, her chin, and the sheet beneath her.

“Oh my God. Oh my God.”

Renata climbed back up slowly, lips shining, chin wet. She kissed Valeria’s navel, her breasts, her neck. She ran her tongue over one nipple before continuing. When she reached Valeria’s mouth, Valeria hugged her with all the strength she had left and pressed forehead to forehead. She kissed her without caring about the taste of herself; on the contrary, she sought it out, sucked Renata’s tongue, and cleaned her own juices from her girlfriend’s mouth. She returned the kiss, returned the taste of herself, returned the sensation of belonging to someone.

“Now it’s your turn,” Valeria murmured against her mouth, her hand already moving down Renata’s belly and slipping beneath the pajama pants. “You’re soaked.”

“Because of you. All night because of you.”

Valeria found Renata’s pussy with her fingers and didn’t let go. She opened her, found her swollen clitoris, and circled it with her fingertip. Renata closed her eyes and rested her forehead on Valeria’s shoulder. Valeria slipped two fingers inside at once, without asking, because she knew that was what Renata wanted when she was this wet. She bit her neck as she pulled them out and pushed them back in, listening to her hot panting in her ear.

“Like that,” Renata gasped. “Keep going, don’t stop…”

Valeria curled her fingers forward, found the spot, and felt Renata tremble all over. Renata was quick when she was this turned on. It took barely a couple of minutes before she bit Valeria’s shoulder to keep from screaming and came in her hand with a long spasm, squeezing her fingers inside. Valeria didn’t pull them out until she felt the last pulse fade.

“I love you,” she said, her fingers still inside.

“And I love you.” Renata kissed her mouth, breathing hard. “I have to tell you something.”

“Tomorrow.”

“But…”

“Tomorrow. Tonight, just stay.”

And Valeria stayed. Sunk in her arms, with the cold sweat of the receding fever mixed with the warm sweat of sex, her breathing keeping time with Renata’s, the sheet wet beneath her hips and no desire to move to change it. For the first time in many nights, she didn’t dream of the doctor, or her mother falling to her knees, or sirens in a deserted city. She dreamed of the citrus scent of her girlfriend’s cologne, the outline of her collarbone in backlight, the promise of tomorrow. And although she still kept inside her a secret she would have to tell, she knew that this time, if she broke, she wouldn’t break alone.