Masturbation

I opened the drawer with my heart pounding. There was lace, there was string, there was a woman waiting inside clothes that had never been mine. That afternoon everything changed.

The kids were sleeping just ten feet away. I couldn’t make a sound. But when his hands slid under my pajamas, I knew we weren’t sleeping anytime soon.

The moon lit the stream, fireflies flitted around me, and I was alone in the forest with my desire and a toy I hadn’t planned to use.

I’d gone weeks without anyone touching me. When the driver looked at me through the rearview mirror with that half-smile, I knew I wasn’t going home alone that night.

It started as a night of pizza and fernet. It ended with each girl confessing the dirtiest erotic fantasy she’d ever said out loud.

It was after one, and on that hidden park bench I lowered the hem with two fingers to see how long I could hold out before running home.

I was taking a deep breath in front of the bedroom door when his hands wrapped around my waist from behind. I wasn’t ready for what came next.

I’d spent weeks telling myself it was the right thing: put distance between us, catch that plane, and never look back. But when I opened the door and saw him, everything went to hell.

She had spent months searching for the perfect mud that would swallow her whole. When she finally found it, she knew that afternoon would be different.

The salesgirl assured me no one could see me. When the box fell, I was exposed to three strangers who had no intention of leaving.

When the moans started on the other side of the wall, she was asleep beside me. What I saw in the mirror that night, I still don't know how to tell anyone.

She was just a name on a long list. When she turned on her camera, everything I believed about desire changed forever.

I left the curtain open on purpose. She knew it and never stopped watching. That was how it all began: watching each other from afar until distance no longer mattered.