Mature

They called me the old maid with the cats, but no one in the neighborhood imagined what went on in my house every morning, every afternoon, and every night since that summer Tuesday.

When the coach asked her to observe the boys, she agreed with a smile. No one suspected the woman in the blue suit had already chosen her two favorites.

I walked in with a glass of water and found him changing his pants. From that second on, I knew everything I thought I knew about myself was a lie.

She told her grandfather she was leaving, but she never even exited the building: Sonia was waiting at the end of the hall with five unwashed old men and a promise that made her tremble.

She took off her shoe in the car, slid her foot to my crotch, and whispered: “Is your first time going to be by obeying me? Even better for both of us.”

It had been two weeks since anyone had used me the way I needed, so I put on the easiest dress to take off and went down to the only place where I knew I’d never be told no.

When I pulled my leggings down in front of him, I knew from his look that he’d do exactly what I asked, no matter how filthy it was.

I was only going to touch him for a moment, out of pity. I never imagined that old man with the huge hands would end up giving me orders while I obeyed without resistance.

We hadn’t touched each other in two weeks. That afternoon, with the house finally empty, I discovered that the smell of his sleeping body could turn me into another woman.

The moment he got behind the wheel, Carmen knew who was in charge: no kiss or caress would come when she wanted, only when he decided.

I went up to offer help like a good neighbor. I came down something very different, kneeling in her bathroom and obeying every word that came from her mouth.

I go naked at home because nobody can see me. Or so I thought, until the neighbor across the way greeted me with a smile that already knew everything about me.

When he pinned the man who had been harassing her, Mariela felt something she shouldn’t: the certainty that that boy could do anything he wanted with her.

She had spent half her life wanting the man twice her age. That afternoon she closed the shutter, switched off the shop lights, and decided to wait no longer.

The mirror in the dressing room reflected a woman she didn’t recognize. In a few minutes, dozens of strangers would see her naked. And still, she chose to step through the curtain.

I knelt in front of the window, never imagining that one of them had already gone around the house and was watching me in silence from the back door.

I walked onto the stage without thinking, in front of a room full of strangers and a man who no longer looked at me. That night I stopped begging and started feeling.

We shared a hallway, an elevator and a coffeemaker, but never a real word. Only what each of us imagined when the other turned away.

I had never told anyone that my body wouldn’t respond. I confessed it to her, my mother’s friend, never imagining she would end up teaching me everything I was missing.

—You don’t have to believe you can —he whispered in her ear—. I do. Your only job tonight is to surrender and let your body obey.