The Plumber Wasn’t Expecting a Lady Like Me

My name is Edith, and I’m sixty-eight years old.

All right, sixty-nine, but at this point lying about one year is like lying about whether decaf coffee is real coffee: a lie that doesn’t hurt anyone. My hair, by the way, is completely white, courtesy of Ingrid, my lifelong hairdresser, who decided on her own that I should be mouse-gray without consulting me.

I was in Lanzarote serving as an involuntary chaperone in my friend Helga’s adventure, as she had become determined to buy a house facing the sea. And from the first day I knew something big was going to happen between her and her nephew Lukas. When the boy got out of the taxi in trousers that left little to the imagination, I thought: this is going to be fun.

Not that I’m stupid, eh? Thirty years teaching languages to university students with raging hormones taught me to recognize sexual tension even with my eyes closed. And my goodness, the one between those two could have cut the air. It was like being inside a sauna, only with clothes on.

That’s why I became the most absent third wheel in history: nighttime walks, spontaneous outings, any excuse to leave them alone. When two people want each other so badly that the air crackles, the best thing a friend can do is pick up the door and leave discreetly. Let them fuck to their hearts’ content; life is short.

Besides, I had my own distractions.

***

Borja arrived that morning in a white van that looked as though it had survived two world wars and an apocalypse. The engine coughed like my brother-in-law after forty years of smoking, and when it stopped in front of the house it left behind a cloud of black smoke that would have made a volcano weep with envy.

But when the driver got out, I adjusted my sunglasses to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating like an old lady.

Is this a plumber or have they sent me a Greek god in overalls?

Twenty-eight years old. Tall, dark-haired, with that tan you only get from working under the Canary sun. His arms stood out beneath his T-shirt every time he lifted his tools, and he had a smile capable of melting even the rustiest pipes. And beneath his faded jeans, a bulge between his legs that was no wrench in a pocket. My goodness, Edith, you’re already staring at the boy’s cock before you even know his name.

—How’s it going, my girl? —he greeted me as he approached the terrace where I was pretending to read a romance novel while Helga and Lukas breakfasted in their bubble—. I’m Borja, the plumber. I’m here about the hot water.

—Good morning, darling —I replied, in high spirits and in the mood to play—. Exactly what we needed. A man who knows how to handle pipes.

Helga shot me a look that clearly said rein it in, Edith, you’re making a fool of yourself, but I pretended not to hear her. At my age, when a handsome young man with tools and muscles shows up, I have every right to appreciate him without apologizing.

—The boiler’s in the basement —I explained, leading him through the house—. It’s been acting up since the storm the day before yesterday.

—I get the feeling you don’t need any boiler —Helga muttered under her breath, with a little smile I did not like one bit.

—Excuse me? —I shot back, pretending to be offended without stopping.

—Nothing, nothing —she replied, but the bitch was still smiling.

***

As we went downstairs, I couldn’t help noticing how his jeans hugged an ass that clearly got exercise outside of work. Edith, I scolded myself, you’re old enough to be his grandmother. But then I corrected myself at once: and so what? Eyes don’t have an age, and this view is worth admiring.

The basement was damp and dim, lit only by a bare bulb. Borja inspected the boiler with that concentration men have when they’re in their element.

—Sweet mother of God —he murmured, crouching down—. This is more fucked than I thought.

The way he bent over, with his T-shirt riding up and showing a stretch of brown back, made me swallow hard. And the seam of his jeans pulled tight right where I was looking, outlining his package in a way that forced me to press my thighs together.

—How fucked? —I asked, moving closer than necessary.

—I’m going to need new parts. And time. I’ll probably be here for several hours.

Several hours. The words rang in my head like a promise.

—No problem —I said, putting on as much innocence as I could fake—. I’ll be alone most of the day. Helga and her nephew went off to tour the island.

—Alone? —he asked, and I’d swear I caught a new note in his voice.

—Completely alone. An older woman in an empty house… you never know what kind of emergencies can come up.

Borja looked at me with those dark eyes that seemed to be assessing more than the condition of the pipes.

—Well —he said with a mischievous smile—, I hope that if any emergency does come up, you know how to use the right tools. And if you need help with anything that requires skilled hands, all you have to do is call me.

Oh, darling, this little game is getting interesting.

***

I watched him work from a strategic distance. When he took off his T-shirt because the heat in the basement became unbearable, I had to grip the banister to keep from losing my balance. His torso was a work of art: muscles defined by years of hard work, golden skin with a fine layer of sweat sliding over his chest and disappearing into the line of hair descending from his navel. Jesus, if at sixty-nine I’m still getting my pussy wet just from looking, then I’m not as dead as I thought.

—Are you all right, ma’am? —he asked, noticing I’d gone statue-still.

—Perfectly —I managed—. I was just admiring the work. The professional work, I mean.

He blushed, and that flush melted me like butter in the sun.

—Do you mind if I go up for some water? This heat is killing me.

—Of course. And please, call me Edith. At my age, formalities are unnecessary.

I followed him upstairs, my eyes fixed on the sway of his ass. At sixty-eight, being a dirty old woman is practically a duty.

In the kitchen he poured himself a glass of water and drank it in one gulp. Watching his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed was hypnotic.

—Thirsty? —I asked, leaning against the counter in a posture that showed off my cleavage—. I’ve got juice, cold beer… whatever you need to stay hydrated.

—Water’s fine —he replied, but he accepted the beer I offered without asking.

—Are you from here?

—Born and raised on the island. Third generation of plumbers —he smiled proudly—. My father, my grandfather, all plumbers.

—How traditional. I like traditions… family ones —I said, putting a subtle emphasis on the word. —And do you have a girlfriend?

The question came out more directly than I’d intended. Borja nearly choked on his beer.

—Not exactly. I just got out of a complicated relationship. She wanted more commitment, more of a future.

—Ah —I murmured—. One of those women who think so much about tomorrow they forget to enjoy today. At my age I’ve seen everything, and I’ll give you some free advice: life’s too short to complicate it with expectations. Sometimes the best thing is to let yourself go. Fuck for the sake of fucking, with no agendas and no promises.

Our eyes met and I felt a spark I hadn’t felt in years. My nipples tightened under my dress, and I’m sure he saw it, because his gaze dropped for a second before he looked away like someone touching something hot.

—I’d better get back to work —he said, looking away—. This won’t fix itself.

I watched him go back downstairs, avoiding my eyes. Perfect. He’s interested but fighting it. Those are the most fun.

***

I used the next hour to prepare my strategy like a general before battle. I showered in that water that was still coming out ice-cold, put on my favorite blue dress —the one that clings to my curves exactly where it should— and applied my makeup with the care of an actress preparing for the role of her life. I even put perfume on strategic spots: behind my ears, on my neck, between my breasts and, with the shamelessness of someone who no longer answers to anyone, on the inside of my thighs.

I prepared a tray with sandwiches, more beer, and fresh fruit. The perfect excuse to go back down.

—Borja, I brought you something to eat —I called from the stairs.

—No need —he shouted back—, but thanks.

I went down slowly, making sure every step showed off my legs beneath the dress. I found him bent over the toolbox, absorbed.

—You have to eat —I said, setting the tray on an improvised table—. A man who works this hard needs to recover his strength.

We sat on a narrow bench, and the lack of space made it inevitable that our knees brushed. Every time he leaned forward, my cleavage sat perfectly in his line of sight.

—You have good hands —I said, looking at those large, strong fingers—. You can tell.

Borja followed my gaze and blushed again. It was adorable how much my attention threw him off.

—Doesn’t it bother you when a woman is direct? —I asked.

—No. I like it. I’m just not used to it.

—To direct women, or older women?

—Both —he admitted, red as a tomato.

Honesty. I can work with that.

—Today’s your lucky day —I said, nudging my bench closer—. Because I’m both.

My knee brushed his and the contact electrified us both. Instead of moving away, he stayed perfectly still.

—Edith… I don’t know if this is appropriate.

I leaned toward him, just enough for my perfume to wrap around him.

—Do you know what I’ve learned over the years? That “appropriate” is the most boring word in the dictionary. And life’s too short to be boring.

—But you’re… I’m…

—You’re an attractive man with a cock outlined in your jeans since the moment you got out of the van. I’m a woman who knows how to appreciate an attractive man and who hasn’t had a proper fuck in five years. What’s the problem?

Borja’s eyes went wide and he nearly choked on his own saliva. The word cock coming out of a white-haired lady’s mouth had instantly gotten him hard; it was clearly visible in his pants.

—The age…

—It’s just a number, darling. And sometimes experience is worth more than youth. I know exactly what I want. And right now what I want is to have you in my mouth.

We were so close that if I moved one centimeter more our lips would touch.

—Are you scared? —I whispered.

—Terrified. And hard as a teenager. I don’t know what’s happening to me with you.

—Good. The best things are scary and make your cock hard at the same time.

And then I did something I hadn’t done in years: I took the initiative and kissed him. His lips were soft, warm, and after a moment of surprise he began to respond. It wasn’t a perfect kiss —there was clumsiness, nerves— but when his tongue timidly brushed mine I felt a jolt go straight down to my pussy. I grabbed the back of his neck with one hand and with the other, without warning, I squeezed the bulge over his jeans. He was rock-hard. He groaned into my mouth and that vibration ran through me from top to bottom. Good lord, this is not what I expected.

When we pulled apart, we were both trembling and he was breathing hard.

—Regretting it? —I asked, not quite letting go of his package.

—Surprised. But not regretting it. Fuck, Edith, if you keep squeezing me there I’m going to come in my pants.

—No, no —I whispered, releasing him with calculated slowness—. I’m not going to waste that first load. Go get that part you mentioned. We don’t want the boiler to stay broken.

—Will you be here when I get back?

—Where else would I be? This house seems to be where all the interesting things happen.

***

The hour that followed was the longest of my life. I changed into a yellow dress that did wonders for my tan and, in a moment of practical lucidity, took out of my suitcase a bottle of lube and a box of condoms I’d bought just in case. I hid them behind the sofa cushions, out of sight but within reach.

What the hell are you doing, Edith? He’s young enough to be your grandson. But I remembered the way he had looked at me, how he’d responded to my kiss, how hard his cock got as soon as I squeezed him over his pants, and all doubts vanished.

The sound of the van coming back made me jump like a teenager. I composed myself and pretended to read when Borja appeared on the terrace.

—I’m back —he announced, with a more confident voice than before—. And I think I’m going to need help. Someone to hold the flashlight while I work in a tight space.

—Of course —I said, standing slowly—. I love helping.

We went down together, but this time the atmosphere was different. We were no longer pretending this was about plumbing. When I leaned in to shine more light, my body brushed his, intentionally on both sides. I felt his erection pressed against my hip and responded by rubbing against him a second longer than necessary.

—There —he announced after a while, switching on the heater, which came alive with a roar—. It just needed to be tested.

—You’re very skilled with your hands —I exclaimed, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.

He looked straight at me, and I saw he had made a decision.

—About earlier… about the kiss. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Or about how you touched me. I’ve been hard for an hour, Edith. I can’t take it anymore.

***

Instead of answering, I set the flashlight on the bench with a click that rang through the silence. I went toward him slowly, feeling my heart race. His eyes never left mine for a second.

—Come here —I whispered, holding out my hand.

He needed no further invitation. His hands found my waist and pulled me against him; I could feel his hard erection pressing against my belly through the fabric. My God, it’s been so long since I felt a cock this hard against me. This time, when we kissed, there was not a trace of the earlier nervousness. Only mutual hunger, a need that had been eating at us since the kitchen. His hands slid down my back and grabbed my ass with both of them, and he pulled me against him with a force that made me moan.

—It’s hot down here —I said, taking his hand—. Why don’t we go upstairs? I want to suck your cock in a decent place, not in a basement full of pipes.

I saw his pupils dilate at hearing me say that. I didn’t wait for an answer. I led him upstairs, aware that I was crossing a point of no return. But at my age, lines are for indecisive youngsters.

In the living room I started unbuttoning his shirt with a determination that clearly surprised him.

—Edith, are you sure?

—Darling, I’ve been making decisions for many years. This is one of the best.

His bare torso was even more impressive in natural light. I ran my nails over his chest, down his abs, and stopped right at the waistband of his jeans. I undid the button with one hand and slowly lowered the zipper, enjoying the way he held his breath. Then he reached for the zipper of my dress and slid it down slowly.

—I should warn you: at my age, what you see is what you get. No tricks. Sagging tits, wrinkles, and a pussy that’s seen a lot of world.

—Better —he replied—. I prefer authenticity. And I prefer a pussy with experience to one that doesn’t know what it’s doing.

The dress fell to the floor and I stood before him in panties and bra, a sixty-eight-year-old woman under the appreciative gaze of a twenty-eight-year-old man. I should have felt self-conscious, but the way he looked at me made me feel like a goddess. I unclasped my bra and let it fall. My breasts, no longer as firm as they had been at thirty but still full, with nipples large and erect, were bared before his eyes.

—You’re perfect —he breathed, and lowered his head to suck one nipple with such eagerness that I let out a long gasp.

His mouth was wet and hot, and his tongue drew circles around the areola before sucking hard. He moved to the other breast while his free hand pinched the nipple still wet with his saliva. I buried my fingers in his hair and pressed his face against me, moaning without the slightest restraint.

—Bite them, darling —I begged—. I’m not made of porcelain; squeeze them.

And the boy obeyed. He bit my nipple with just enough force, and that sting of pain mixed with pleasure made my panties soak through completely.

***

I pulled his jeans down to his ankles and then his boxer briefs. His cock sprang free, hard, thick, and already shiny with precum at the tip. My mouth watered. It was a young cock, the kind that gets so stiff it almost points at your navel, and big enough to promise a real battle.

Something primal took over me. I knelt slowly in front of him, with more effort than I’d care to admit, and my hands wrapped around the base of his shaft. I held it firmly, stuck out my tongue, and licked the tip slowly, savoring that salty drop. Then I ran my tongue along the full length, from base to head and back again, while he let out a guttural groan that made me smile against his skin.

—Fuck, Edith… —he panted.

—Hush and enjoy it, darling —I murmured before taking him into my mouth.

I took him in slowly, centimeter by centimeter, until I felt the head hit the back of my palate. I started sucking him with a slow, deep rhythm, using my hand for what wouldn’t fit. My tongue circled the head each time I pulled back almost all the way, and then I took him in again to the hilt. Advantage of age and thirty years of varied sex life: once you know how to suck a cock well, you don’t forget.

His breathing grew erratic, and from his throat came rough moans that vibrated in the dense air of the living room. His hips began to move with instinctive rhythm, his fingers tangled in my white hair, guiding me without ever forcing me beyond what I wanted to give. I quickened the pace, hollowing my cheeks to suck harder, and with my free hand I fondled his balls, weighing them gently.

—You suck me so fucking well —he groaned, voice broken—. I’m not going to last, Edith, fuck.

I pulled back for a moment, panting, and looked up at him with burning eyes, his cock sliding from my lips covered in saliva.

—I want you to come in my mouth —I said hoarsely—. I want to swallow every last drop. I’m dying for it, darling.

—Fuck, Edith… are you sure? —he groaned, trembling.

—Completely —I whispered, going back to work.

I took him to the back of my throat again and increased the pace, sucking and jerking him at the same time, not letting a single second pass with him out of my mouth. His breathing turned into broken gasps, his hands gripped my head harder, and then his body arched like a drawn bow and let go. I felt the first wave of hot semen hit my throat, thick and heavy, then another, and another. I swallowed it all without pulling away, moaning too with his cock in my mouth. So intense. Each pulse was like a little victory, and when he finally went still, I kept sucking gently to draw out the last drop.

When I finally let him slip from my mouth, I wiped my thumb along the corner of my lips and licked what was left. He looked down at me with a face of complete disbelief.

—No one… no one has ever sucked me like that.

—That’s the advantage of experience, darling —I winked.

***

I rose slowly, still savoring his taste, and kissed him with renewed passion. He answered with an intensity that surprised me: his hands, which had been trembling, now moved with purpose over my body. He ripped my panties off in one tug —literally, I heard the seam tear— and with a boldness that made me moan, slid two fingers between my thighs and straight into my soaked cunt.

—Fuck, you’re dripping —he murmured against my mouth, with a reverence that made me shiver—. You’re soaked, Edith.

—I’ve been like this since you got out of the van, darling —I panted.

His fingers began moving inside me, first exploring and then with a steady rhythm that made me spread my legs wider and grab his shoulders so I wouldn’t fall. His thumb found my clit and started tracing circles that blurred my vision. His touch was clumsy but enthusiastic, the fingers of a young man discovering the secrets of a mature body with intoxicating fascination.

—There, there, darling —I panted—. A little higher… there, there, fuck…

—Now it’s my turn —he announced, taking his wet fingers from my juices and bringing them to his mouth to suck them without taking his eyes off mine. That gesture made me tremble all over—. I want to taste all of you.

And before I could react, he lifted me off the floor as if I weighed nothing.

—Borja! —I shrieked—. I’m a sixty-eight-year-old woman, not a feather!

—You’re perfect to me —he replied, setting me carefully on the sofa.

He spread my legs wide open and knelt between them. When his face disappeared between my thighs and I felt his hot, broad tongue licking my cunt from bottom to top, I let out a scream that probably could be heard from the beach. Holy fuck, this boy knows what he’s doing.

He started eating my pussy with an appetite I hadn’t expected. His tongue ran over my outer lips, plunged inside, rose to my clit and sucked hard while two of his fingers went in and out of me at a steady pace. I gripped his hair, arched my back, and began moving against his mouth with no shame at all, rubbing myself on his face while he growled with pleasure.

—Oh my God, don’t stop… don’t stop… eat me like that, darling, like that… —I begged, my voice hoarse with pleasure.

He sucked my clit harder, with a steady pattern that was driving me to the edge much faster than I’d felt in years. I felt the orgasm rise from the bottom of my belly, unstoppable, and when it finally exploded between my legs I screamed so loudly I lost my voice. My pussy clamped around his fingers with a force that surprised even me, and he kept licking me slowly, prolonging every wave, until I collapsed on the sofa trembling like jelly.

—Jesus, darling —I panted, my legs still shaking—. If you knew how to do that, why did it take you so long to give in?

He laughed, his chin shining with my juices, and climbed up to kiss me so I could taste myself on his mouth. I could feel him hardening again against my thigh, recovering with that enviable ease of youth.

—Now inside me —I begged him, arching my hips—. Please, Borja, put that cock in me to the hilt. I’ve been fantasizing about this for hours. If you don’t fuck me right now, I’ll die.

I fumbled for the cushions and pulled out the lube and the box of condoms. Borja laughed.

—You know what? When I went to get the part, I also stopped by the pharmacy. I was hoping that…

—Seriously? —I laughed—. Looks like we’re both equally prepared.

—Or equally horny —he murmured, taking one and rolling it onto his cock with adorable clumsiness.

I poured a squirt of lube into my hand and spread it over his well-sheathed shaft, squeezing him several times from top to bottom. He closed his eyes and growled.

—If you keep squeezing me like that I’m going to come again before we even start —he muttered.

I spread my legs as wide as I could, offering him my cunt fully open, and watched his eyes darken with desire.

—You’re beautiful, Edith —he murmured, holding my ankles and positioning himself between my legs.

He started entering me very slowly, stopping every few centimeters. I felt his thick cock making its way inside me, stretching me, filling me in a way I no longer remembered. I let out a long moan when he finally slid all the way in, and he stayed still for a second, trembling from the effort not to move.

—Am I doing all right like this? Am I hurting you?

His genuine concern for my comfort went straight to my heart, but it also made me laugh inwardly. Darling, this old engine runs better than you think.

—You’re inside me, darling, and you’re not hurting me one bit —I panted, grabbing his ass with both hands and pulling him against me—. Now fuck me already. I’m not made of glass.

When he finally let loose, he found a rhythm that made me lose all sense of time. His thrusts were deep, long, and every time he sank to the hilt he hit a spot that made me see stars. His fingers found my clit and stroked it in perfect circles while he fucked me, never breaking the pace.

—More… harder —I managed to pant—. Fuck me harder, darling, don’t hold back.

My plea lit him up like a match. He grabbed my hips with both hands and started hammering into me with a force that made my ass smack against the sofa with a wet, obscene sound. I saw him clench his teeth, his jaw tight, his forehead beaded with sweat. I dug my heels into his back, scratched his shoulders, and asked for more.

—That’s it, that’s it, shove that cock all the way in, don’t stop —I moaned without any control—. Fuck me like I’m a whore, darling, give it all to me.

Hearing me say that seemed to drive him wild. He pulled his cock all the way out and flipped me onto the sofa, placing me on all fours with a firmness that surprised me. I felt him spread my ass cheeks with his hands and slide back in with a single deep thrust that ripped a howl of pleasure from me.

—Like this? —he panted, fucking me from behind with hard thrusts that shook me to my core.

—Yes, yes, like that, don’t stop, fuck… —I begged, clinging to the back of the sofa.

He grabbed my white hair with one hand, pulling just enough to arch my back, and with the other he found my clit from underneath while still driving into me to the hilt. Every thrust pulled a new moan from me, and I could feel his cock sliding inside me, wet with my own juices and with the sweat already soaking both of us.

—You squeeze me so tight, Edith… you have an incredible cunt —he growled—. I’m not going to last much longer.

—Neither am I, darling, come with me —I panted—. Finish inside me, I want to feel it, I want to feel you explode.

And when he increased the pace until it became a brutal pounding, it was as if the sun rose inside me: a warm light that started in my belly and spread like liquid honey through every corner. My pussy convulsed in violent spasms around his cock and I screamed so hard my voice broke.

—Fuck, Edith! —he groaned—. I’m coming, I’m coming!

—Let yourself go inside me, darling! —I shrieked, completely out of control, pushing my ass back to take him deeper.

And then I felt him sink to the hilt one last time and his cock pulse inside me, unloading with spasms that went through me like golden lightning. He stayed pressed against my back, panting into my neck, his hands still gripping my hips, while I kept trembling beneath him as my orgasm rolled on in waves.

***

Afterward, while we lay tangled on the sofa, sweaty and sated, with his cock still inside me slowly softening, Borja looked at me in amazement.

—That was…

—Incredible —I finished for him.

—Do you regret it?

—Darling —I laughed, tracing circles on his still-heaving chest—, at my age regret is a luxury I can’t afford. I only regret the things I don’t do. And I certainly don’t regret sucking that cock or letting you fuck me the way you did.

He laughed, still out of breath, and lazily stroked one breast.

—And this? Would you do it again?

There was a vulnerability in the question that touched my heart.

—If you ask nicely… and if you bring more spare parts… we might find many more things that need repairing. For example, my ass has gone years without the attention it deserves, darling, if you’d like to explore new territory next time.

I saw him swallow and felt, still inside me, his cock give a small interested twitch.

—Fuck, Edith, you’re going to kill me.

—What better way to die, darling.

His smile was like sunrise.

—In that case, I think I’m going to need to make a lot more service calls.

—Perfect —I whispered against his ear—. Because this old house has a lot that needs the attention of a young, capable professional.

***

That night, when Helga and Lukas came back from their excursion with that satisfied look I’d recognize a mile away, I just smiled innocently.

—How was your day? —Helga asked.

—Very productive —I replied—. Borja fixed the boiler. And a few other things.

The look we exchanged was one of complete understanding. We had come to Lanzarote looking for sun and peace, and we had found something much better.

We had rediscovered that being alive, and well-fucked, has no expiration date.