Peeping

I wanted to see another man inside my girlfriend. What I hadn’t reckoned with was what I would feel, lying in the next bed while she moaned for him, not me.

I woke up with my head about to explode. Beside me slept a woman who wasn’t just my wife, and I couldn’t remember a thing about how I got there.

I’d given her permission to let them watch us. What I didn’t expect was for her to pull the curtain herself and move my hand aside to put hers there.

I followed him down the hallway without thinking, my heart in my throat. I knew that if I pushed that door open there would be no going back—and I pushed it anyway.

The cabin was meant to be her refuge in solitude. Until an engine broke the fjord’s silence and Mikkel and Sigrid stepped out, bringing the end of everything Greta thought she was.

Every morning my grandmother woke me with a punishment I’d learned to beg for. That afternoon, her old friend arrived ready to do more than just watch.

I thought I was only going to watch the filming of Europe’s dirtiest movie. They hadn’t told me about the two seats—or the woman occupying the one beside me.

I had never taken a job like that before: he only wanted to sit and watch while other men used me, and keep for the end what they left inside me.

Her feet were swollen from the match and she had a smile that knew everything. I only wanted to kneel and show her how far I was willing to go.

For months we had repeated it in bed as a game of words. That night, when I came back from the bathroom, it was no longer a game: they were kissing on my own sofa.

She said it laughing, almost as a game: that she liked a friend of ours. I never imagined the three of us would end up in the same room.

She came to pose as queen of the underworld. I fired the flash again and again, professional as ever, until she spread her legs and I understood the session was something else.

I asked Damián to come with me and wait in the waiting room. The doctor invited him inside. I said nothing. That silence changed everything.

She caught me watching those videos behind her back. Instead of getting angry, she smiled and asked, “Do you really want another man to fuck me in front of you?”

We had whispered about it a thousand times and I never believed it would happen. But that night she knelt in the middle of the room and all I could do was sit and watch.

She came downstairs with a smile that was no longer the same and one hand hidden behind her back. “Guess what I’ve brought,” she said. That night I understood what she was becoming.

I don’t know who you are or where you are, but as I write this I imagine you reading me, and that idea is exactly what’s soaking my thong.

I thought she wouldn’t come. But the doorbell rang, I looked out the window, and there she was, with that innocent face that had kept me up for years.

That warm stain on my dress changed everything: for the first time I understood what it meant to desire and be desired, and I never wanted to go back.

The first night I only wanted to look. By the third, I could no longer stop my hand. When she turned in the darkness and smiled at me, I knew I was lost.