Submission

I dialed the number with a trembling hand. A South American voice told me to go up to the third floor, that it wouldn’t hurt, that tonight I’d learn to ask for more.

I’m twenty-four and I’m still learning what turns me on. That afternoon, with my hand at my throat, I discovered something I didn’t know I needed.

Months have passed since Esteban ceased to exist. I wake every morning wrapped in pink silk, ready to serve the woman who rewrote my entire mind.

I waited for the house to go silent so I could turn off the light, open the drawer, and find out how far I could go on my own.

When she shut the door, she told me I wasn’t enough of a man. I never imagined that same night I’d stop being one forever—and that it would be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I expected lies the night I confronted him. I didn’t expect to get wet imagining him on his knees, becoming what he had always wanted to be.

When I came out of the bathroom with the plug still inside me and my body shaved smooth, I knew that entire day belonged to her and her rules.

When they put me in that cell, I never imagined two strangers would turn it into the scene where I learned what it meant to surrender to desire and pleasure.

He left the door open for me. All I had to do was arrive, dress up as Valeria, and forget forever the boy I no longer wanted to be.

When I went into the kitchen she already had the lasagna in the oven and two glasses poured. I pressed her against the marble before she could set the dish down.

In the hotel mirror, that bikini did not fit me. Nothing fit me since they decided what kind of body I deserved.

That night they shot me up with the first hormones and made me throw out all my men’s clothes. “You’ll see how pretty you get,” she said, smiling.

When he turned around in that little town store, I thought he was a woman. He wore white jeans, painted nails, and a secret I wouldn’t discover until we were stranded on the road.

—Today we’re just going to take care of you —she whispered, and I understood that after being her slut all night, it was time to be her girl again.

Only one name was left on his patient list, and when he called it, he had no idea who would walk through his consulting room door that afternoon.

I shaved everything off and wore stockings and garters in secret. I never imagined a company convention would end with me surrendering to another man.

Adrián walked into that office as a senior analyst and knew, from the director’s smile, that he would leave as something else: something pretty, docile, and nameless.

Tied to her sofa, in a princess dress and with my face made up, I heard someone knock at the door. And I understood that night I would stop being only hers.

She took the plush toy down from the top shelf, picked the right video, and prepared for a session no one else would ever know about.

The park was empty at nine. When the three dark silhouettes appeared at the end of the path, I knew I wouldn’t get home the same person.