I Desired My Son While Giving Myself to His Father

Marina dialed the number with trembling fingers. She had spent the whole day locked in a tension that wouldn’t let her think, and when Beatriz answered on the other end, the words tumbled out in a rush. She told her she felt bad, that she had been turned on since morning, that she couldn’t go on like this or she’d end up doing something crazy.

—Calm down, Marina, nothing’s wrong —the psychologist’s voice was soft, measured, hypnotic—. What’s happening to you is that you’re in a phase of growth. You’re building your self-esteem. That false morality they taught you tells you to stop, to cut out by the roots anything that makes you free. But it’s a lie. You have to fight those fears and enjoy what your body is asking for.

Marina listened, but she couldn’t quite believe it. Why that unease? Why that constant need for sex, as if she were fifteen all over again? In the end she blurted it out, just to feel calm.

—It doesn’t seem normal to me, Beatriz. This never used to happen before. I was happy with my life, I had my routine with my husband, and now… now it’s very intense, my God.

—Take a deep breath. Relax for a few seconds —the psychologist replied—. You’ve lived tied down all your life. You gave up studying, having a career, having a life of your own that fulfilled you. And all for him. Hugo, on the other hand, didn’t sacrifice anything. Did he quit university? No. Did he give up his friends? No. The only one who paid the price was you. You’re practically a slave in that house.

—Yes, it’s true, but…

—No buts. You stopped going out, dancing, drinking, having sex the way you wanted. And I’m not just talking about your husband. He’s the one who cuts you down, who keeps you from being who you really are. You have the right to enjoy your body, Marina. With whoever you want.

—It’s not that easy. Besides, people would think badly of it. Right? —she answered, hesitating.

—It isn’t bad. It isn’t a sin. Those are inventions of a society that suffocates us. Be free. Decide for yourself.

Marina hung up with strangely clear ideas. She thought back to her adolescence, when she had only ever dated Hugo, when he got her pregnant and she gave up everything to raise Diego. Now she saw it differently. She had to make up for lost time. She had to grow, become self-sufficient, stop depending on anyone.

And yet, beneath all that philosophy, the only concrete thing she felt was the heat between her legs. She had been burning up all day. She had masturbated twice and neither time had done anything for her.

***

After dinner, guilt crept in. Maybe Beatriz was right, maybe not, but she thought the fair thing was to make it up to Hugo. She pushed that idea out of her head and turned it into desire. She needed sex, and she needed it now.

—Forget the TV —she said from the living-room doorway—. Let’s go to the bedroom. Now.

Hugo looked at her, surprised. It had been years since he had seen his wife with that urgency in her eyes, not since they were two kids who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. He switched off the television in a hurry and followed her down the hallway.

—I need you —Marina purred as soon as she closed the door.

He didn’t have time to think. She ripped open his shirt, pulled down his trousers and underwear in one single motion, and knelt in front of him. She took his cock in her hand and put it in her mouth before he could say a word.

—Mmm… how I missed you —she murmured, looking up at him.

She ran her tongue over the shaft, played with his testicles, nibbled at the tip, and lifted her eyes looking for his approval, like a little girl waiting to be praised.

—What’s gotten into you today? —Hugo asked, still bewildered—. You haven’t been like this in years.

—I missed you, sweetheart —she replied in a sugary little voice that wasn’t hers.

—And what are you going to do to me? —he insisted, encouraged by that woman so full of determination.

Marina bit her lower lip and winked at him mischievously.

—I’m going to give you my ass. I want you to give it to me all the way.

Hugo couldn’t believe it. That didn’t seem like his wife. But he didn’t care who she really was: having such a proposal in front of him was like winning the lottery. He grabbed her by the hair and threw her onto the bed like a doll at his disposal.

I’m going to enjoy tonight so much, he thought. It was going to be a real party.

He took her by the hips, parted her ass cheeks with his thumbs, and, seeing that she was open, ready, throbbing, he plunged in at once.

—Aaah! —Marina moaned as she felt him all the way inside.

—Cris… —escaped him, using an old nickname—. You’re wide open. How is that possible?

She writhed with pleasure, panting against the sheet.

—I… mmm… I got myself ready for when you got here —she answered by way of excuse.

Hugo was left speechless. Marina had never done anything like that, never behaved in such an obscene way. But with what he had in front of him, he stopped asking questions. He held her hips tightly and gave himself over to fucking her without mercy.

The pounding filled the room, rhythmic, brutal. He drove into her to the hilt and she begged for more, begged him not to stop, to wreck her like when they first met. She loved feeling her husband’s pelvis bouncing against her ass.

—Put your whole cock in me, for God’s sake —she screamed, turning her face toward him.

Hugo slapped her, leaving one cheek red and trembling.

—I don’t know what’s gotten into you today, sweetheart, but I hope you greet me like this every night.

Marina looked at him, smiling, and moved her hips with a provocation she had never shown before. She lowered her head, rested it on the mattress, and began to rock, going up and down against him with a frenzy that surprised even her.

—Fuck me harder —she panted—. Like before.

He dug his fingers into her flesh and fell onto her with all his weight. The impact sounded dull. Marina dropped face down, but Hugo didn’t stop. They hadn’t given themselves to each other like this in years, and he wasn’t about to waste a second.

Marina felt like she was dying. Not even in her best dreams had she imagined anything so wild, and yet she was enjoying being taken like an object, like a piece of meat laid out only for him.

—More, more, wreck me —she begged, burning up.

She felt the orgasm drawing near and pushed her hips back, seeking him to the hilt. Hugo quickened the pace, his breathing growing more and more broken.

—I can’t anymore, Marina… —he warned.

—God! I’m sorry, I feel it inside —she cried out, sensing the heat of her husband’s orgasm flooding her from within.

—Fuck, how tight you are —he replied, defeated, collapsing beside her—. What a night.

They embraced. They shared a long, tender kiss, the kind they hadn’t given each other in a long time. Within minutes, Hugo was sleeping soundly, exhausted and happy.

Marina wasn’t.

***

Lying on her side, her body still trembling, Marina felt that something inside her refused to go out. She could feel the warm trail of her husband’s orgasm and, instead of satisfying her, it sparked a thought that frightened her.

If she had enjoyed Hugo that much, what would it be like to be with Diego?

She squeezed her eyelids shut. She didn’t want to think about it, but she was already thinking about it. A few days earlier she had stumbled, by accident, across a video on her son’s computer: herself, in front of the bathroom mirror, not knowing she was being recorded. And, worse still, she remembered Diego’s body, now a man, his huge hands, that presence that made her uneasy and drew her in in equal measure. Her son had stopped being a child long ago and she had barely noticed.

It was outrageous. She knew that. But since she had started seeing Beatriz, her desire had gone off the rails and she could no longer clearly tell where the line was.

She glanced sideways at Hugo. Asleep, oblivious to everything. And she needed more. That frenzy wouldn’t calm down.

She got up slowly, silently, and tiptoed to Diego’s room. She pressed her ear to the door, holding her breath. Was he playing some game? Was he watching that video again?

The mere thought of it made her slide her hand under her clothes. She stood there in the dark, in the hallway, touching herself in front of a closed door as if she were sixteen again and everything were forbidden to her.

If I knock and he opens, I could make up any excuse, she thought. If I catch him watching that video, I’d have a reason to go in. The idea made her bite her lip hard. But then reality hit her: what if he was asleep? What if he was just playing? She would make the most humiliating fool of herself in her life. A mother standing at her son’s door, with nothing to say, her breathing ragged.

Fear won out over desire. She rested her forehead for a moment against the cold wood, caught her breath, and went back to her bedroom. She lay down beside Hugo, who was still snoring softly, and masturbated in absolute silence, biting her hand so as not to wake him, until a bitter, lonely orgasm finally left her exhausted.

***

In the morning, at the office, she told her friend Lucía that strange things were happening to her, that she couldn’t get out of this arousal, that she wanted sex at every moment.

—You’ve gone back to adolescence —Lucía laughed.

—Don’t laugh at me, please.

—Well, I’m jealous of you —Lucía replied, suddenly getting serious—. You’ve got a wonderful husband who fucks you whenever you ask him. I’d love that. I go out on Saturdays and I always end up with some idiot who comes as soon as he gets it in and leaves me hanging.

They talked about sex for a good while, but Marina didn’t tell the truth. She didn’t mention the video. And much less what she had felt in front of Diego’s door after going to bed with Hugo. Her cheeks burned just thinking about it.

After lunch, her husband went back to work and her son shut himself in his room, as always. Marina, however, didn’t go home. She went down to Beatriz’s office, determined to ask her one thing only, the only thing that truly interested her: how she should behave from now on with Diego.

And as she climbed the office stairs, she knew that, whatever the psychologist said, she already knew the answer she wanted to hear.