The Day I Stopped Being Adrián Behind the Bar

I grew up in a village lost among olive groves, and from a very young age I knew something was off about me. It wasn’t an idea, it was my whole body feeling wrong. I thought like a woman, I liked the things women liked, and I dreamed of a man looking at me the way he looked at my neighbors. My name was Adrián, but inside I was never quite him.

I started working very young in hospitality, first as a kitchen helper and later serving tables in the summer season. I used to go to Mallorca with my older brothers, who had been heading down to the coast for years. There, far from the village, I discovered something like freedom: I fell in love with a man named Dante and had a relationship with him until one day he packed his bags, went back to his country, and left me stranded without a single explanation.

That winter I went back to the village in pieces. I had lost Dante and, on top of that, the restaurant where I’d worked for three seasons was closing its doors. Uncertainty was eating me alive: either I found something soon or the fields and their endless days under the sun awaited me.

When I started to pull myself together a little, I found out that a roadside club a few kilometers from the village was looking for a bartender. I didn’t think twice. One rainy morning under a leaden sky I showed up there ready to offer my services.

I was met by Remedios, a woman in her seventies, tall and imposing, with heavily made-up features and nails painted a deep red to match her lips. She explained that I’d have to discuss the matter with the owner, Rubén, who had gone out and would be back soon. While we waited, she told me she was the cook, took care of the cleaning, and looked after the girls who worked there, even washing and ironing their clothes.

In the forecourt a brand-new, gleaming car screeched to a stop. Out of it got a tall man, gym-built, well put together, with full lips and a deep gaze that was intimidating. He walked with the confidence of someone who was in charge. Hardly had he come in when he spoke to Remedios without even looking at me:

—Who’s this, and what does he want?

I stepped in calmly, explained that I was there for the bar job, that I had experience, and that I wanted to work. He looked me up and down and gave a half smile.

—Oh, right. I thought you were here to collect. At this hour, everyone who comes in here is here to collect something.

We talked for a while and reached an agreement on salary. My tasks would be clear: serve drinks, keep track of the invitations customers paid for the girls, and note down the services each one performed in the rooms. At Remedios’s prompting, Rubén added that I’d also have to help him in the kitchen and with the cleaning. Despite the workload, and having nothing else, I accepted. I agreed to come back that same afternoon.

***

I showered, put on a very tight white T-shirt, skinny jeans, and carefully combed my hair. I put the slightest touch of gloss on my lips. That’s how I showed up for my first evening. Rubén introduced me to the girls, gave me the sheet where I was to write down drinks and services, and at six o’clock sharp the doors opened.

There were women who lived at the club and two or three who brought their boyfriends shortly before opening. The atmosphere hit me full force: I had never been in a place like that. Woman was the absolute center of that world. Dressed in provocative, skintight lingerie, they danced to draw the eyes, and the customers would come up to brush against them, grope them over their thongs, slip a hand inside their bras and pinch their nipples in exchange for another drink, begin some clumsy courtship that wanted only two things: a drink on the house or going upstairs to fuck.

Behind the bar, I took down the services and watched every scene. And, unable to help myself, I envied them. From my repressed femininity I asked myself over and over why I couldn’t be one of those desired women, why I couldn’t be the one going up the stairs with a man behind me already unbuckling his belt. Sometimes I found myself watching a man chase a girl around the club, grabbing her ass and whispering in her ear what he was going to do to her, and I daydreamed about being in her place, about feeling that big hand squeezing my buttocks and that hot mouth on my neck.

I integrated to the point of moving into the club. My way of being was already obvious to everyone, and some started calling me Adriana half in jest. In the dead moments they dressed me in lingerie, made me up, and had me walk in front of them amid laughs and compliments, encouraging me to become more and more feminine. And I enjoyed it like never before.

***

One afternoon, just up from my nap, Rubén sent for me to come to his bedroom. Remedios had told him I was walking around dressed as a woman and wanted to see it with his own eyes. I wanted to take off the makeup and clothes immediately, but the girls wouldn’t let me: laughing, they shoved me down the hallway to the room and threw me into the center of the bedroom, in front of him.

—Well now… I’ve got a new little slut here and didn’t even know it. —He laughed.

—Boss, don’t say that, for God’s sake. I’m Adrián, can’t you see? This is one of those bitches’ tricks—they dressed me up and brought me here like this —I answered, embarrassed.

Rubén got up from the bed, came closer, and wrapped his huge arms around me. He kissed my neck and whispered in my ear:

—From today on you’ll be Adriana and you’ll come down to serve drinks made up and dressed as a woman. You’ll be a draw. People will come from all over the region to see the girl from the next village. —He pulled back a little, took a bill from his wallet, and put it in my hand—. Here, you earned it for being pretty. Tell them to do your makeup lighter, put on a tiny top that shows your neck and belly, a thong that peeks out at the top, short shorts, and heels. In a little while I want to see you downstairs working like that. Understood?

—Understood, Rubén —I answered, and it wasn’t resignation: it was excitement.

***

Nerves were devouring me before they opened the doors. I was afraid men from my village would show up and recognize me transformed into one of the girls. Even the coworkers who didn’t live at the club were left speechless when they saw me so feminine behind the bar.

The customers were rough people, hardened by the fields, with not a shred of sexual scruple. When they ordered a drink, they started using words they had never used with me before: slut, bitch, little whore, hot little faggot. Others, by contrast, treated me sweetly, called me darling, pretty, sweetheart. And Rubén was right: the news spread like wildfire. In just a few days, whole groups came down to the club to see for themselves whether it was true, to flirt with or insult the waitress dressed as a woman.

One night a group of five guys from my village came in and my heart dropped. Yolanda, who was on the other side of the bar, told me it was going to happen sooner or later, that I had made a decision and had to stand by it. So I kept serving drinks as if nothing had happened.

—Well, look who we have here—the village’s first official whore, and a fag on top of it —Anselmo blurted out; I’d gone to school with him—. You were showing signs, you were always looking at my fly, the clever little bastard. What is it, have you decided to come out of the closet?

I pulled strength from where I had none and, as if the comment had nothing to do with me, I asked:

—What would the gentlemen like to drink?

—Look at you, so refined and so well trained for a whore. Pour us some rum and cokes and get your ass out here, I want to buy you a drink and grope that ass of yours.

While I was serving, Rubén stepped in:

—Leave the girl alone. She only serves drinks. If you want company, there are several girls there. Those are the ones for that.

—But he was Adrián all his life, Ramona’s son… —he laughed—. What if I pay whatever you ask to be with him? I’m interested in this faggot.

—Don’t insist, please —Rubén cut in, calm but firm—. This girl doesn’t provide services. If you keep bothering her I’ll have to ask you to leave, and I wouldn’t like to do that.

That was the end of the first incident. They kept saying all kinds of things to me whenever I walked by, but I didn’t care so much anymore. In the days that followed, more people from the area came to see Ramona’s son turned into a woman, and that morbid fascination made my transformation so profitable that Rubén forced me to dress as a girl whenever the place was open.

***

From that first afternoon, Rubén never stopped looking at me, entranced, while I worked. One night, at closing time, he invited me to have a drink with some of the other girls. Time passed and, without realizing it, the others left and we were alone. With his expert smooth talk, seasoned by a thousand nights, he gradually disarmed me. After serving the last drink, he grabbed me around the waist.

—You know? I never thought I’d feel this comfortable with a girl like you. I’ve never tried sex with a man, my pride won’t allow it. But with you it’s different. I look at you and I see a woman like any other. You’re smart, you speak beautifully, and you’re pretty inside and out. I’d love to spend the night with you.

Those words went deep. Not even Dante had ever spoken to me like that. I didn’t understand how a man so hard could say such tender things, but he had me enthralled.

—Well, if you don’t spend it with me it’s because you don’t want to —I said—. You’re the boss and I’m your employee. All you have to do is say “let’s go” and I’ll leave everything.

—Let’s go —he answered at once.

We walked to his room wrapped in each other’s arms. As soon as he closed the door he shoved me against the wall and devoured my mouth. His tongue invaded me to the deepest places, thick, wet, seeking mine and crushing it, and one of his hands was already kneading my ass under the shorts while the other lifted my top and pinched a nipple between two fingers, twisting it until a moan escaped me inside his mouth. It was so intense and so long that I lost my mind, and before I knew it my hand was already gripping hard the bulge that had hypnotized me since day one. It was rock hard, so thick I couldn’t get my palm around it through the fabric, and I could feel it throbbing against my fingers.

—Go on, let it out —he whispered in my ear, his voice already rough—. Let it out, it’s dying for you.

I fumbled with his pants, unbuttoned them, pulled them down with his briefs, and dropped to my knees all at once, my knees against the carpet and my heart racing. I nearly drooled when I saw it: an enormous cock, thick as my wrist, veined with swollen blue veins, the pink, shiny head already peeking out from a taut foreskin. It smelled like a man, like soap and gym sweat. I took it in hand at the base and slowly pumped it a couple of times, watching it tighten even more, watching a clear drop appear at the tip. I caught it with my tongue, tasted that salty edge that promised what was to come, and then I took it into my mouth in one go as far as I could.

—Fuck, Adriana… like that, my little whore, like that —he groaned, throwing his head back.

I sucked him like I’d been waiting years for it. With both hands: one at the base, squeezing, the other massaging his heavy balls. I ran my tongue all over the shaft, from bottom to top, wetting it completely, and then I buried it in my throat until my eyes filled with tears. I pulled it out with a string of saliva hanging from my lip and forced my face back onto it, again, again, until I felt it hitting the back of my palate. Rubén, surprised by how eager I was, relaxed and started to enjoy himself, leaning against the wall with his legs apart and his mouth half open.

Confident now, he grabbed me by the hair at the nape and set the rhythm as he pleased. He was fucking my mouth mercilessly, driving his hips, and with each thrust the head of his cock stole the air from the back of my throat. I looked up at him from below, mouth open and full of cock, and he smiled and called me whore, slut, hungry little fag, and those words made me squeeze my thighs under the shorts, wet with pleasure inside. I felt him tense, the veins in his shaft bulging even more, his breathing ragged, his balls rising tight against the base.

—Swallow it, Adriana, swallow it all, don’t waste a drop —he growled, and slammed my nape against his pubis.

He emptied himself in my mouth in thick, hot spurts, one after another, so many that they started spilling from the corners of my lips. I swallowed as much as I could, feeling it slide down my throat thick and heavy, and what escaped down my chin I caught with my fingers and sucked them one by one in front of him. I licked every last trace with the tip of my tongue, kissed the head clean, ran my tongue over his balls, and took him into my mouth again, this time more slowly, to keep him hard. It worked: the bastard wasn’t going down, he stayed hard as a rock, throbbing against my palate. He led me to the bed, tugging my arm.

—I’d like to fuck you, but I’ve never done it with someone like you. I don’t know if I’ll know how.

—Do you want to? I’ll teach you —I answered, still with my lips shining from his semen.

—I’m afraid of disappointing you.

—Oh, stop it. It’s like with a woman, but from behind. And don’t worry, I’m as clean inside as I am outside. Want to try?

—All right.

He ripped off my top, pulled my shorts and thong down my legs, and I was left naked on top of the bed, heels still on and knees apart. He looked at me as if he’d just discovered treasure. He put two fingers in my mouth, I lubed them up well with saliva, and he himself took them to my ass and began circling around my hole, pressing, opening it slowly. He slipped one finger in to the knuckle and I let out a long gasp; a second finger joined the first and opened me inside. I spread my legs wider and showed him how well my hole was relaxing for him.

—You’re opening right up, slut —he murmured—. You can see the pink inside.

—It’s for you, boss, open me more —I begged.

I laid him lengthwise on the bed and crouched over him facing him, my hands braced on his hairy chest. I spat on his cock and smeared it with my hand, up and down, until it was all shining. I placed the tip against my hole and pressed down. Slowly, very slowly, I sat myself onto his shaft, feeling it open me centimeter by centimeter, feeling the head force its way through the ring first and then slip inside with a wet pop. I stayed still for a second, breathing through my mouth, while the rest of his cock entered hard as a rock, pushing into my guts, bending me from the inside. Pleasure swept through me, a mixture of burning and surrender that made me feel more like a woman than ever. He was groaning beneath me, his hands gripping my hips, enjoying himself like a child with a new toy.

—Fuck, how tight you are, Adriana, how you suck my cock with your ass —he panted.

—It’s yours —I told him—. All yours. Fuck me.

When I had all of it inside me, all the way to the base, with his balls pressed against my buttocks, I started moving my hips, slow, measured, rising to leave only the head inside and dropping suddenly to swallow it whole again. Rubén was losing his mind with every sway. He looked up at me from below with his mouth open, eyes shining, and squeezed my nipples and groped them like they were real breasts. I stroked my own cock while I rode him, jerking it in the same rhythm, and it was so hard that after four pulls I was almost about to come, but I held on for him.

Soon he took control. He grabbed my hips with those huge hands of his and shoved hard from below, again and again, hitting me in the deepest place, knocking the air out of my lungs with each thrust. The mattress creaked, the springs squealed, and I bounced on top of him letting out sharp moans I didn’t recognize as my own. It sounded like a little slut, like a real whore, and I loved hearing myself that way.

—Get on all fours, I want to see your ass open —he ordered.

I got off him and went down on all fours at the edge of the bed, ass in the air, face against the mattress. He got behind me, spat on his cock again, and slammed it back into me all the way in a single thrust. I screamed into the sheets. He started fucking me at a savage pace, gripping my hips, my hair, slapping my ass until the skin was red and burning. Each thrust confirmed where I wanted to be, what I wanted to be. Being at a man like that’s disposal, feeling desired, feeling like I was his, feeling his cock open my ass all the way to my stomach while he called me a whore in my ear.

—Tell me you’re my whore —he growled, pulling my hair back.

—I’m your whore, boss, I’m your little whore, yours, I let you fuck me however much you want…

—Who does this ass belong to?

—To you, it’s yours, it’s your ass, boss, come inside, fill me…

He came inside me with a long, hoarse groan, driving me in all the way and unloading hot jets into my guts. I felt them one by one, thick, pulsing, filling me from within. And even then, still hard, without pulling out, he shoved me down onto the mattress again and kept fucking me a while longer, slower, enjoying his own semen sloshing inside me. When he finally came out, a white thread ran down my thigh. I turned, knelt on the floor again, and licked his cock once more, cleaning it completely, savoring the mix of his cum and my ass. I got him hard again with my mouth, and mounted him once more, and like that, between the bed and the carpet, between blowjobs and fucking, until both of us were spent, drenched in sweat, with the smell of sex stuck to the sheets.

***

From that night on I became one of his favorites. Once or twice a week he’d call for me, just like the rest of the girls. And besides serving drinks, when some customer pushed too much, I’d go out and socialize, and I even went up to the rooms more than once to be fucked for money, with another man’s cock in my ass while I thought of Rubén’s.

I never went back to the village. By then even the children knew about it. Rubén had three favorites: Noelia, Bianca, and me. Over time the business started failing and he had to transfer the club, but he never let me go. He kept me close always, to help him and give him affection in the hard times, and I never let him down: by his side I was feminine and obedient, like I was his wife, opening my legs and my ass for him whenever he felt like it, swallowing his cum like it was a gift.

He never abandoned his three favorite sluts. We lived in three different flats, in separate neighborhoods of the capital, and he visited us in turn whenever he wanted, showing us his affection despite being married with children. I lived a normal life in the neighborhood, moved around the city like any other man, but in private I was always her. And every time he called to say he was coming, I got ready, made myself beautiful, shaved everything, washed my ass out inside with the shower, and became Adriana, because that’s how he liked me: perfumed, made up, and with my legs open waiting for him in bed.

There are countless moments I’ve lived through with Rubén since I became his lover. Nearly fifteen years later I still am, and I still satisfy him in everything he asks. There are a thousand more anecdotes I wouldn’t mind telling, if anyone wants to ask.

Adriana.