Confessions

I spent weeks thinking about her every night, until that dinner ended in the car seat, with her hand finding what I could barely hide.

I was only going to have a beer with her while waiting for the couple she’d arranged to meet. I’d never been to a club like that, and curiosity got the better of me.

Every night a different car arrived at the house across the street and the lights went out, all but one. That night I went to the window—and couldn’t stop looking.

My boyfriend went on a thirty-day trip and I promised myself I’d hold out. I lasted fifteen. What came next turned me into someone I no longer recognize.

I found him hiding in the garage, frozen with cold. I never imagined that a year later I’d be the one inviting him into my bed and my marriage.

That afternoon his mother wasn’t home and he had a surprise ready. I still didn’t know those minutes would awaken a taste I never let go of.

I’d spent the whole night with three men and I still felt insatiable. So I picked up my phone and wrote: “Are you ready not to let me sleep all weekend?”

We worked in the same building, and one brush in the elevator was enough for me to understand I was about to lose something I thought untouchable: my will.

I chose the town’s most coveted guy not because I loved him, but because I needed someone I could shape while my head was somewhere else.

He texted me to ask where I was. Twenty minutes later I was in the back of his tram, biting my lips so I wouldn’t make a sound.

It was July, I was broke and desperate. I crossed my sister’s garden looking for help; my nephew was waiting by the pool with a smile I didn’t know how to read in time.

I’d spent years fantasizing about it, but I was still a virgin in back. That December afternoon, in a motel room, I finally let him cross that last frontier.

I close the storage-room door, change clothes, and turn into someone else. No one on my street suspects what I’m going to do tonight, and that’s exactly what I like most.

We always played at being girlfriends in front of everyone, until the heat, the river, and a few beers erased the line between the game and what we really wanted.

You begged me in whispers, holding your breath while I reached for the lubricant. And I never told you I looked forward to that dawn as much as you did.

I was drying my back when the door flew open. She saw me completely, apologized, and ran out. I never imagined I’d cross paths with her again that same morning.

We agreed to meet early, when nobody was there yet. What started as another of our texting games ended up being something I couldn’t get out of my head all day.

For years she told him no to one thing only. One betrayal and one night with the wrong man were enough to change her mind forever.

At three in the morning she was still awake, her head on my arm, waiting for the exact moment I opened my eyes to begin.

I went to his house to make him leave my partner alone. I left knowing I’d be back the next Sunday, and the one after, and every one after that.