Confessions

My friends were late and he appeared without my calling him. Ten minutes later, we both already knew where we were going to end up.

I went to fix his washing machine with a red thong under my pants. I only had to find the moment for him to notice. He said nothing, but he kept watching.

I arrived at their apartment at the agreed time. He opened the door in a bathrobe; she came down later, nervous and excited. It would be a long night.

I’d filtered through dozens of profiles before getting to Marcos. Everything I asked for, and the patience that’s never in surplus. But someone always shows up too early.

Someone was touching me in the dark, with a slowness that had nothing urgent about it. I opened my eyes and Valeria’s voice said: “Are you enjoying that, baby?”

I’d spent years hiding that side of myself, but with her it was different. When she told me she wanted to watch, I knew there was no way I could say no.

I’d been left three weeks earlier. That night I walked into the bar wanting nothing and left knowing I knew nothing about pleasure.

I recognized the surname as soon as she said it. Two years earlier I’d been with her aunt, and now she was looking at me with those same dark eyes and that small mouth.

The first time I put on someone else’s heels, I knew the image in the mirror was the most honest version of myself. It took me years to accept it.

We had planned Saturday, but she called on Friday: come tonight, I’m anxious. When she opened the door, I could no longer pretend this wasn’t serious.

Alone in the bathroom, with rain outside and the apartment empty, I finally found what I’d been searching for without knowing how to look for it.

The girls from the team had gone out to see the city. I was alone in the room when someone knocked. It was him, with the smile that had made me nervous since the first Wednesday.

I was forty-six, married, with lovers and a perfectly ordered life. Then I saw him come out of the bathroom, and I couldn’t look away. That was the beginning.

I was forty-eight, had a wife, three children, and no doubt about who I was. Then a young man asked me for a ride to the metro.

They were cousins, they rarely saw each other, and that night they were alone in the living room while everyone slept. Nothing should have happened. Almost nothing did.

Ride-share drivers who came in as tops and ended up asking me to fuck them. Employees who kissed like madmen. Every trade was a different world.

I finished my shift, the platform was brutally cold, and the driver told me I could stay in his bus to warm up. I had no idea what was coming.

I was wearing my roommate’s tight dress when a taxi driver stopped to ask me for service. I never imagined I’d enjoy it so much.

There were six of us at Rosa’s bar. By three in the morning, the same six of us were still at Valeria’s place, but nobody had any clothes on.

I’d gone weeks without breathing properly because of work. That night I wanted to celebrate alone. I walked into the first bar I saw and left as someone else.