Desire

I went back to my room trembling, stood naked in front of the mirror, and let his memory guide every one of my fingers. I couldn’t stop until the end.

At first it was just a little game under hot water. Then I needed more, and one day, with two strangers at my door, I twisted it into something that changed everything.

It’s two in the morning, I can’t sleep, and I’m alone. The heat is brutal, the bed is burning me, and my mind starts drifting to names and bodies I thought I’d forgotten.

That night I thought of no one. I turned off the light, looked at myself naked in the half-dark, and understood that the body I had given so often to others could belong only to me.

It was two in the morning when I finally gave in to sleep. I never imagined something would slide between my sheets and wake a desire I thought was asleep.

I spread a towel over the bed just in case, opened my legs, and followed the video’s instructions. Half an hour later I understood my body kept a secret.

They arrived in a box with no return address. I never imagined that same night I’d end up locked in my room, biting my pillow so no one could hear me.

The clock said three and sleep still hadn’t come. Then I remembered that post and opened the drawer where I kept my best-kept secret.

I was going to wait for him on my knees wearing the new set. What I didn’t imagine was how far I’d go on my own, in front of the mirror, before he arrived.

I didn’t go to the beach to swim. I went to remember her, inch by inch, until memory became so real my body answered on its own.

For the first time in years I didn’t have to bite my lip or hold back a single moan. The house was mine, and so was my body, with no witnesses.

It had been ten years since anyone had touched me with those intentions. That afternoon, face down on the therapist’s table, I discovered my body still knew exactly what it wanted.

I parked behind the trees, spread the towel over the back seat, and thought I was completely alone. I had no idea what I’d see when I switched on the headlights.

Your message arrived before the coffee: “What would you do to me?” And I, naked and half awake, knew that question was going to cost me the whole morning.

The whole house silent, the keys still in my hand, and an idea crossing my mind as I looked at the fruit bowl on the kitchen table.

I came home from the gym burning up, stripped in front of the mirror, and knew that shower wasn’t going to be like the others: a freshly opened package was waiting for me.

It’s three in the morning, the sheets are brushing my naked skin, and your memory won’t leave me in peace. I confess what I do when you’re not there to do it yourself.

I’ve been writing for half an hour and I no longer know whether the hands running over that skin are the character’s or mine on my own body.

The moment the last guest closed the door behind them, I knew I wouldn’t sleep that night until I’d emptied myself out in front of the mirror.

I had the house to myself, two toys in the drawer, and an idea that had been haunting me for weeks. That night I was finally going to dare.