Desire

I turned off the alarm with one thought in my head, and I knew that shower was going to take far longer than it should.

The alarm went off at ten and I wasn’t getting up. What I didn’t know was that that Saturday I’d discover how much I can want myself when no one is watching.

I closed my eyes thinking I was alone. When I felt the shadow at the door, it was already too late to pretend I wasn’t thinking about him.

I thought I had the jacuzzi to myself. With two guys watching me from the sauna, my imagination ran wild and my hands kept pace.

I had never been an exhibitionist, but that afternoon I opened the curtain, placed a chair in front of the glass, and stripped naked not knowing who was watching.

Two weeks alone, with no one knocking at the door. I took out the red lingerie, opened a cold beer, and promised myself I wouldn’t stop until I was shaking.

It was nine in the morning, I was wearing a dress easy to slip aside, and a secret was vibrating between my legs. No driver beside me had any idea what I was doing.

I made two pigtails, wore a tiny dress with nothing underneath, and put on my favorite sneakers. I played at being an innocent girl and ended up discovering something about myself I didn’t expect.

I shut the bathroom door, let the uniform fall to the floor, and knew I wouldn’t be able to think about anything else that afternoon but his hands.

No man ever made me finish. I found that out late, after years of other people’s hands and faked orgasms: the only body that knew exactly what mine wanted was my own.

I promised myself I wouldn’t touch myself until I got home, but between work, the gym, and one way-too-hot stranger, my body had other plans.

I went upstairs furious to scold her for the noise, but when I opened the door and saw her like that, I was the one left speechless and powerless.

I came home and she threw her arms around me in front of everyone. No one suspected that kiss on the cheek was hiding the desire we’d been holding back all week.

With the house all to ourselves and him turned away among the rose bushes, I knew that afternoon I wouldn’t be satisfied with just watching him from the window.

Her father watched her from the edge of the water, and for the first time she wondered what was hiding behind that gaze that followed her with every stroke.

When I saw her come down through the building entrance at six in the morning, with a suitcase bigger than she was, I knew that summer wouldn’t be like any other.

She leaned over the railing to watch my uncle’s car disappear, and I came up barefoot behind her. I’d been looking at her like that for years. That morning I stopped just looking.

The moment the elevator closes, my sister kisses me like she’s been waiting all week for it. And the truth is, we both have.

It had been eight years since I last saw her. She came back as a woman with one idea in mind: to provoke me until I gave in.