Alone at Home, I Discovered How Far My Desire Goes

Carmen left on Monday for Valencia, for a nursing course she had been waiting months for, and I couldn’t go with her. Fresh back from the summer holidays, asking for days off at the office is suicidal, so I stayed home with the promise that a week apart would do us good. Neither of us is jealous or controlling. We knew the reunion would make us hungrier, if anything.

No one at work knows that, since my divorce a couple of years ago, Carmen and I have been a couple. It’s a secret we guard carefully, and maybe that’s why the silence of the empty house felt different to me that afternoon. I decided to switch off in my own way: a deep clean, clothes put away, windows open. The house looked like a madhouse and needed hours of work.

It was while I was tidying the wardrobe that I found the box. A cardboard box from when Carmen moved in, tied with tape and forgotten in the highest corner. I brought it down thinking it would be papers and, when I lifted the lid, a mischievous smile spread across my face all by itself.

Inside was a whole arsenal I hadn’t known about: handcuffs, a pair of leather collars, two harnesses with their matching accessories, a riding crop, gags, ropes, and several anal toys. And at the back, what caught my eye most: a vacuum pump.

So my Carmen had a much more interesting past than she’d told me about.

I sat on the floor with the pump in my hands, turning it over. I’d never tried anything like it. I was hugely wary because of the five piercings I wear on my pussy, especially the clit ring. I had always been afraid of hurting myself. But that afternoon there was no one there to see me hesitate, and curiosity outweighed fear.

—Today I’m not going to be a coward —I said out loud, alone in the middle of the bedroom.

I prepared what I was going to need and laid everything within reach on the bedside table: warming lubricant, a couple of toys, and the pump. Then I found a good angle and propped my phone against a stack of books, with the camera recording. If I was going to miss out on something, at least Carmen would later see everything she was missing. I hoped she wouldn’t mind that I’d gone snooping in her box. I bet she’d love the idea.

Before starting, I stayed still for a moment, looking at the ceiling and listening to the silence of the apartment. It was strange to have so much space and so much time to myself. In the two years we’d been together, it had always been her who set the pace, who suggested new things to me. That afternoon, for the first time, I was going to be the one discovering something before her. The thought warmed me from the inside almost as much as any of the toys waiting for me.

***

The good thing about being one metre fifty tall and weighing just over forty-seven kilos is that I’m extremely flexible. I reclined on a large cushion, settled myself properly, and opened my legs wide until everything was exposed. I’m completely shaved, so I knew the pump wouldn’t run into any obstacles.

But before going down there, I wanted to try it on top first. I have a generous chest, and I’d always been curious to see what vacuum would do to my nipples. I soaked my left breast in lubricant until it was glossy and slick, fitted the cup carefully so I wouldn’t catch the piercing, and started pumping.

At first quickly, until I felt the air disappear and the pressure pull my skin inward. The nipple reddened at once. I kept going a little longer, up to the exact point where pain began to overtake the tingling, and then I stopped.

I hadn’t imagined it could stretch and swell so much. When I released the cup, the nipple had become huge, throbbing, with the circular mark of the pump drawn around it. My whole breast was pounding. I repeated the process twice more, until the lightest brush of my own fingers made me shudder all over.

It was the right one’s turn. By then I was already starting to feel wet without even touching myself. I repeated the process with the same patience, glancing sideways to see both nipples equally swollen. I turned for a second toward the wardrobe mirror and laughed: I looked like anything but myself.

***

Then came the moment that truly intimidated me. I spread my legs again and brought the pump to my sex. I didn’t even need lubricant anymore: I’d been getting wet for a while just from anticipation.

I started to suck slowly. I watched the glass fog up and my inner lips gradually emerge, drawn out by the vacuum. My pussy began throbbing all over, but I knew I could take more, so I kept squeezing the trigger to intensify the suction.

The result left me breathless. My lips were completely swollen, intertwined with the metallic shine of the piercings, and the clit, normally small, had turned into a round, bulging button that seemed to be screaming for attention. I repeated the maneuver several more times until the slightest contact made me shiver, that strange and delicious mix of pleasure and pain.

I stood up and planted myself in front of the mirror. I was truly stunned. My entire sex was protruding, swollen, burning, so sensitive that the simple air in the room made me clamp my thighs together. I looked at the camera and positioned myself so it would capture everything, leaving not a single corner out of frame, wearing the most wanton expression I could manage.

Tonight, Carmen, you’re going to think about me more than ever.

I lay back down, wide open, and brought two fingers close. Just a brush was enough to make me spring up on the cushion. I couldn’t believe it: I had everything so exposed and so alive that the slightest touch pushed me to the edge. I took one finger to my mouth, soaked it well, and began to slide it in slowly. The sensation was brutal. But I wanted more.

***

I realised I had been neglecting my ass quite a bit. I rummaged through the toys and chose a thick one, about four fingers wide, coated it in lubricant, and pushed it inside little by little until it went all the way in. I pressed my butt hard against the mattress so it wouldn’t move and kept my hands free to continue with the rest.

Lying back again, legs open and the toy held firmly inside, I parted my lips by carefully pulling on the piercings to open myself completely. The contractions in my sex were becoming more and more intense, as if my body were begging me to give it something bigger. I soaked my entire hand in lubricant and started pushing.

I felt like crying, but the pleasure was so deep that I didn’t stop. I kept pressing, millimetre by millimetre, until it gave way and my hand slid all the way in. A wave of orgasms coursed through me all at once at feeling and seeing my own hand inside me. Any movement, however slight, made me tremble, so I began to open and close my fist slowly, feeling how everything threatened to burst from pleasure.

I wanted to go a little further. I stretched one finger, aiming to get as deep as possible, pushing until I felt it fighting to squeeze past the entrance to my cervix. When I finally managed it, the orgasm was so violent that I nearly lost consciousness. The room blurred for a moment.

I kept going, sliding that finger in and out, until, like an overflowing waterfall with no warning, I came in a gush that left the bed soaked. I pulled my hand out, trembling, and rolled over so the toy still inside me would come out too, and I lay there face down, exhausted, while the last echoes of pleasure ran through my whole body.

***

It took me a while to move. When I got my breath back, I crawled to the phone to stop recording. Before ending it, I looked into the camera, blew it a kiss, and whispered that her girl was waiting for her at home, exactly this needy.

I watched the whole video back, still naked and with my body still throbbing. I didn’t recognise myself and yet I had never felt more like me. I saved it to send to her that night, when I knew Carmen would be alone in her hotel room and able to enjoy it at her leisure.

I put the box away without fully closing it. Something told me we’d be emptying it soon, harnesses and riding crop included. I imagined her face when I told her I had broken in the vacuum pump all by myself, the one she hadn’t even shown me. Without a doubt, when Carmen came back, we’d have to try out all that arsenal together, one piece a night if necessary.

I changed the sheets, which were fit only for the bin, and opened the window all the way so the late afternoon air could come in. My body felt heavy in that wonderfully pleasant way only a good orgasm leaves behind, that satisfied exhaustion that makes you float. I poured myself a glass of water and sat on the edge of the bed for a while, still smiling, mentally replaying every moment of the video.

I stepped into the shower smiling. Sometimes, I thought, it’s good to be alone and discover what you’re capable of. The week had only just begun and already promised much more than I had imagined.