Masturbation

It took forty-eight hours to arrive. Forty-eight hours in which every brush of fabric against my skin reminded me what was on its way.

“Put on the song I told you to and start undressing slowly. Don’t rush: tonight I’m in charge, even if we’re hundreds of kilometers apart.”

It took me years to understand what my body was asking for. And when I finally did, there was no going back or settling for less.

He’d been thinking about it for weeks. The box arrived on an ordinary Tuesday, with no sender, and Adrián hid it in the closet until the house fell silent.

He was thousands of miles away and I woke up burning. I opened my laptop, read what my readers fantasized about me, and let my hands do the rest.

I went back to my room trembling, stood naked in front of the mirror, and let his memory guide every one of my fingers. I couldn’t stop until the end.

At first it was just a little game under hot water. Then I needed more, and one day, with two strangers at my door, I twisted it into something that changed everything.

It’s two in the morning, I can’t sleep, and I’m alone. The heat is brutal, the bed is burning me, and my mind starts drifting to names and bodies I thought I’d forgotten.

That night I thought of no one. I turned off the light, looked at myself naked in the half-dark, and understood that the body I had given so often to others could belong only to me.

It was two in the morning when I finally gave in to sleep. I never imagined something would slide between my sheets and wake a desire I thought was asleep.

I spread a towel over the bed just in case, opened my legs, and followed the video’s instructions. Half an hour later I understood my body kept a secret.

They arrived in a box with no return address. I never imagined that same night I’d end up locked in my room, biting my pillow so no one could hear me.

The clock said three and sleep still hadn’t come. Then I remembered that post and opened the drawer where I kept my best-kept secret.

I was going to wait for him on my knees wearing the new set. What I didn’t imagine was how far I’d go on my own, in front of the mirror, before he arrived.

The box hidden under the tree wasn’t for me. It was for her, and when she asked me to teach her how to use it, I knew the night would be nothing like we planned.

I didn’t go to the beach to swim. I went to remember her, inch by inch, until memory became so real my body answered on its own.

For the first time in years I didn’t have to bite my lip or hold back a single moan. The house was mine, and so was my body, with no witnesses.

It had been ten years since anyone had touched me with those intentions. That afternoon, face down on the therapist’s table, I discovered my body still knew exactly what it wanted.

I parked behind the trees, spread the towel over the back seat, and thought I was completely alone. I had no idea what I’d see when I switched on the headlights.

I know exactly what you do with one hand while holding the phone with the other. That’s why this letter is only for you, and you’ll obey every line.