Masturbation

I went back to my room trembling, stood naked in front of the mirror, and let his memory guide every one of my fingers. I couldn’t stop until the end.

At first it was just a little thrill under hot water. Then I needed more, and one day, with two strangers at the door, I took the twist that changed everything.

It’s two in the morning, I can’t sleep, and I’m alone. The heat is brutal, the bed is burning me, and my mind starts drifting to names and bodies I thought I’d forgotten.

That night I thought of no one. I undressed in the half-light and discovered that the body I had given so much to others could belong only to me.

It was two in the morning when I finally gave in to sleep. I never imagined something would slide between my sheets and wake a desire I thought was asleep.

I spread a towel over the bed just in case, opened my legs, and followed the video's instructions. Half an hour later, I understood my body held a secret.

They arrived in an unmarked box. I never imagined that same night would end with me locked in my room, biting a pillow so no one would hear me.

The clock said three and sleep still hadn’t come. Then I remembered that post and opened the drawer where I kept my best-kept secret.

I was going to wait for him on my knees wearing the new set. What I didn’t imagine was how far I’d go on my own, in front of the mirror, before he arrived.

The box hidden under the tree wasn’t for me. It was for her, and when she asked me to teach her how to use it, I knew the night would be nothing like we planned.

I didn’t go to the beach to swim. I went to remember her, inch by inch, until the memory became so real my body answered on its own.

For the first time in years I didn’t have to bite my lip or hold back a single moan. The house was mine, and so was my body, with no witnesses.

It had been ten years since anyone had touched me with those intentions. That afternoon, face down on the therapist’s table, I discovered my body still knew exactly what it wanted.

I parked behind the trees, spread the towel over the back seat, and thought I was completely alone. I had no idea what I’d see when I switched on the headlights.

I know exactly what you do with one hand while you hold the phone with the other. That’s why this letter is only for you, and you’ll obey every line.

Your message arrived before the coffee: “What would you do to me?” And I, naked and half awake, knew that question was going to cost me the whole morning.

The whole house silent, the keys still in my hand, and an idea crossing my mind as I looked at the fruit bowl on the kitchen table.

I came home from the gym burning up, stripped in front of the mirror, and knew that shower wasn’t going to be like the others: a freshly opened package was waiting for me.

It’s three in the morning, the sheets are brushing my naked skin, and your memory won’t leave me in peace. I confess what I do when you’re not there to do it yourself.