Masturbation

I don’t want your respect from a distance. I want to be the thing you open in secret at 2 a.m., with your hand already under the sheet and my name stuck in your throat.

I came home from the hospital with my arm in a cast and a thought I couldn’t shake. That night I went to the bathroom, and my mother appeared in the doorway just when I thought I was alone.

I thought I was alone among the trees, until a crackling sound changed everything and I realized how badly I wanted someone to find me like that, naked and surrendered.

I ordered my first toy online so I wouldn’t die of embarrassment in the store. What I didn’t imagine was the delivery guy’s face when he handed me that box.

I read every word he wrote to the other woman and, instead of rage, felt a heat between my legs I didn’t recognize. That afternoon, I stopped being invisible.

That night I locked the door, turned off my phone, and, for the first time, let myself discover what it felt like to stop resisting.

In the darkness of my room, nobody could see me. Or so I thought, until he came to his window and kept looking toward me longer than he should have.

I was twenty-seven and still a virgin. That afternoon, alone in someone else’s house, I found something that forced me to look in the mirror and admit what I’d been hiding.

Less than a hundred meters from the music and champagne, she spread her legs in the sun without knowing someone was approaching. By the time she saw him, it was too late to close them.

In the dressing room, Daniela chose the red dress that allowed no underwear. She didn’t know it would make her the obsession of the entire channel.

I had spent months preparing for Adrián, but it was another man who taught me that night what it really means to give yourself over.

They thought the cove was empty. I stayed behind the rock, holding my breath, watching her move on top of him as the sky turned orange.

For three weeks I watched before I understood she was watching too. That night she turned her head, smiled at the glass, and I knew she’d been waiting for me for months.

It was my first serious job: door-to-door sales. I never imagined that behind that townhouse there would be a man, a camera, and the afternoon that would change everything.

I had never done anything like that before, but that night the neckline, the music, and two persistent stares pushed me across a line I didn’t want to come back from.

I took off my panties, slipped them under his pillow, and moved up against his back without even saying good morning. I had half an hour before first tutorial.

Everyone suspects what I am from the way I dress, but I never confirm it. It’s my secret, and telling it anonymously turns me on more than anything else.

I threw the curtains open at two in the afternoon with my hair still wet and thought no one in my town would dare look toward my window at midday.

I hid the phone behind a book and opened the camera. Sebastián had no idea two more pairs of eyes were watching me undress in front of him.

She came out of the bathroom in lingerie, posed in front of me, and asked how hot she was on a scale of one to ten. I already knew where that night would end.