Masturbation

I sat in the passenger seat just out of curiosity, but that night I learned some decisions are made without thinking too much.

I sat in the dim light, determined not to touch anyone and only to watch. But my fingers had other plans as I watched her give herself to two men a meter from me.

I spent weeks thinking about her every night, until that dinner ended in the car seat, with her hand finding what I could barely hide.

I was only going to have a beer with her while waiting for the couple she’d arranged to meet. I’d never been to a club like that, and curiosity got the better of me.

I’d only gone downstairs for a glass of water. What I heard on the ground floor left me frozen on the last step, holding my breath so they wouldn’t hear me.

The moment I caught his eyes across the glass, I knew I’d turn that afternoon into something neither of us would forget.

From the first day she asked me for a photo to brag about me to her friends. I never imagined how far her pleasure in showing me off would go.

We agreed to meet early, before anyone else arrived. What began as another of our texting games became something I couldn’t get out of my head all day.

At three in the morning she was still awake, her head on my arm, waiting for the exact moment I opened my eyes to begin.

The divorce didn’t break me: it gave me back my breath. That night, with a button-front dress and a poured drink, I let a much younger stranger make me feel alive.

There was one boundary Marisa never crossed, and I’d learned to respect it. Until one morning, over breakfast, I figured out how to get around it without making her suffer.

I’d gone weeks without going out and the fire was eating me alive. That night I put on the wig, opened my coat at the fence, and let the street decide for me.

I opened the door wearing a single button-front dress and nothing underneath. If he understood the invitation, perfect; if not, I’d make it clear.

She came over to ask about the printer and ended up staring at the screen with a question on her lips that changed everything between us.

I only peeked through the crack in the door for a second. It was long enough to brand itself into me forever, and ruin every night that came after.

I walked into your room without warning, my voice low and my calm the kind that means I’ve already decided everything. This time there were no half-replies: you were going to learn the hard way.

It was after eleven, everyone was asleep, and the rain was falling hard. I thought I’d just go get wet in the patio for a while. I had no idea how far I was going to dare to go that night.

I took off my bikini in the jacuzzi, knowing he was watching me from the roof. What I came to forget became the only thing I remember about the trip.

We had never gone beyond a polite greeting, but that soaked afternoon, trapped by the rain in his shop, everything changed with a single message on my phone.

I went up to that flat for a haircut. She opened the door with the promise that she’d stay in a thong in front of a complete stranger.