Mature

Half past three in the afternoon, no knickers, and a very clear plan in my head. What I didn’t account for was who would end up speaking to me through the door.

For twelve years I’d been fading in silence. That night I put on the dress he hated, left without saying a word, and came back changed.

In front of the bedroom mirror, she discovered her body still knew how to ask. What she did not expect was for someone to be willing to listen that very night.

He had been sleeping pressed against her back for a week to soothe the baby. A week of pretending not to notice what was happening between them in the dark.

I only dress up when I have a date, always in a hotel room, and that night the stranger waiting for me had no idea what he’d find under my dress.

That kiss on the cheek turned toward my mouth, and though I didn’t open my lips, I felt his tongue. That was when I knew stopping my own son would cost me more than I admitted.

I went downstairs for a glass of water at three in the morning. What I found there, with the house silent, should never have happened.

I left my father’s villa for my grandparents’ house in the village. I had no idea my aunt, the most devout woman in town, would end up naked in my bed for an envelope full of bills.

Her mother called me a dreamer, her father humiliated me by the car. When it was all over, Helena came down the stairs, took my hand, and led me to her room.

I watched her fold sheets in those light-colored leggings and prayed she wouldn’t notice the bulge in my shorts. Then one day she turned and asked why I was looking at her like that.

He wore an expensive suit and had a stare that intimidated everyone at the table, but he couldn’t stop looking at my feet. And I knew exactly what I was going to do with that.

She wore a size 36, they were white and perfect, and that sangria-soaked afternoon I decided I needed them in my mouth even if everyone was watching.

Every night I wake drenched in sweat to the same scene: Mrs. Vilma locking the door, slipping on her gloves, and promising me there’d be no laughing this time.

I asked him to imagine my hand on his thigh. I didn’t expect to feel his trembling under mine, or for the trance to become mine too.

In the car, with his hand on the wheel and mine between his legs, I understood that that night I would make the rules. And he would obey every one.

I had her caged beside the table, on all fours, while my friends ate and tossed leftovers onto the metal tray. That was only the beginning.

When she comes down for breakfast in a T-shirt and panties, I melt inside and know this weekend at the country house will be my last chance to stay silent.

When I carried her suitcases upstairs and she bent down in front of me without a shred of shame, I knew those days under my roof would not go as I’d imagined.

I’d spent months fantasizing about her in silence. That afternoon, during the lesson, she looked up from the book and said: You need to be more careful with the bathroom door.

When I opened the recent files folder, the images appeared as thumbnails. I wanted to close it fast, but she was already looking at the screen with me, in silence.