The Fantasy That Came Over Me While I Touched Myself Alone
That afternoon I didn’t need a video. I only had to close my eyes to drift to a balcony where someone watched me come, and everything else stopped mattering.
That afternoon I didn’t need a video. I only had to close my eyes to drift to a balcony where someone watched me come, and everything else stopped mattering.
“Lock the door and take off your clothes,” was the first thing you heard from my voice that night. The rest depended on how much you were willing to obey me.
For nearly a year we had been stripping in front of the camera without knowing each other. When I walked into the café and sat beside him, we both lost our breath.
It took forty-eight hours to arrive. Forty-eight hours in which every brush of fabric against my skin reminded me what was on its way.
“Put on the song I told you to and start undressing slowly. Don’t rush: tonight I’m in charge, even if we’re hundreds of kilometers apart.”
It took me years to understand what my body was asking for. And once I finally did, there was no going back or settling for less.
He’d been thinking about it for weeks. The box arrived on an ordinary Tuesday, with no sender, and Adrián hid it in the closet until the house fell silent.
He was thousands of miles away and I woke up burning. I opened my laptop, read what my readers fantasized about me, and let my hands do the rest.
I went back to my room trembling, stood naked in front of the mirror, and let his memory guide every one of my fingers. I couldn’t stop until the end.
At first it was just a little thrill under hot water. Then I needed more, and one day, with two strangers at the door, I took the twist that changed everything.
It’s two in the morning, I can’t sleep, and I’m alone. The heat is brutal, the bed is burning me, and my mind starts drifting to names and bodies I thought I’d forgotten.
That night I thought of no one. I undressed in the half-light and discovered that the body I had given so much to others could belong only to me.
It was two in the morning when I finally gave in to sleep. I never imagined something would slide between my sheets and wake a desire I thought was asleep.
I spread a towel over the bed just in case, opened my legs, and followed the video's instructions. Half an hour later, I understood my body held a secret.
They arrived in an unmarked box. I never imagined that same night would end with me locked in my room, biting a pillow so no one would hear me.
The clock said three and sleep still hadn’t come. Then I remembered that post and opened the drawer where I kept my best-kept secret.
I was going to wait for him on my knees wearing the new set. What I didn’t imagine was how far I’d go on my own, in front of the mirror, before he arrived.
I didn’t go to the beach to swim. I went to remember her, inch by inch, until the memory became so real my body answered on its own.
For the first time in years I didn’t have to bite my lip or hold back a single moan. The house was mine, and so was my body, with no witnesses.
It had been ten years since anyone had touched me with those intentions. That afternoon, face down on the therapist’s table, I discovered my body still knew exactly what it wanted.