First Time

When I walked into her room I thought we were just going to talk. Ten minutes later I was in my boxers, trembling, and I heard the door open again behind me.

Three weeks of voice notes negotiating limits. That night I arrived at his loft with my wrists ready for rope and a yes that would learn how to be nuanced.

I arrived at the park ten minutes early and thought about running away three times. When I saw them approaching hand in hand, I knew I was going to say yes to everything.

I’d spent years looking for someone willing to truly watch me, not through a screen. When Lucía said yes, I knew I’d never forget that day.

Valentina was lying on the bed in a turquoise top and lace panties. When she looked at me with that smile, something inside me broke.

My grandmother, my mother, and I thought that trip to the mountains would be the break we needed. Until the storm trapped us with two strangers.

When I saw my grandmother kissing that man in the hallway mirror, I should have gone back to my room. Instead, I stayed and watched.

I barely passed the entrance exams and had never touched a girl. In four days I found out why two teachers keep secrets.

When Valeria slipped on the gold sandals and looked at me that way, I knew I wasn’t leaving with just a watch.

When he showed up at my door thinking he was coming to help me, I already had everything planned. He was twenty and as naive as someone who doesn’t know what’s waiting for him.

I was 18, so shy I had never touched a woman. What started as tutoring ended up being my real initiation.

I didn’t do it for the money. I did it because I didn’t care about anything. Seeing her happy with another man in that bar triggered a period I should never have lived through.

My grandmother made the decision, as always. I only followed instinct. What happened in that cabin during the storm is still ours alone.

When I went into the kitchen that morning, she was standing with her back to me in a T-shirt that barely covered her thighs. Three years change people a lot.

We played strip poker with my neighbors. Nobody said what else was being played for, but when I was left naked in the middle of the living room, we didn’t need the cards anymore.

I walked into her room with a tray and came out a different person. Sofía was twenty, and she already knew more about me than I knew about myself.

I went to their apartment hoping for beer and a way to kill time. I left with a sore ass, a mouth tasting of semen, and a smile I couldn’t hide.

We were traveling together but sleeping apart. I was too cowardly to cross that hallway. Until she knocked on my door.

When Camila turned off the movie and told me, “sometimes I watch gay porn when I’m alone,” I knew that line was going to split my life in two.

When he opened the wrong door and saw me fresh from the shower, his eyes never looked anywhere else again. What happened that night wasn’t in anyone’s plan.